


The Dawn of The Moon

by Eliadin



Category: Star Trek
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Doubt, Drama & Romance, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Future, Future Character Death, Gen, Hero Worship, Heroes to Villains, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Multi, Other, Past Child Abuse, Pon Farr, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rebirth, Slow Burn, Social Anxiety, Strong Female Characters, Time Travel, Villains to Heroes, Vulcan Biology, Vulcan Culture, Vulcan Mind Melds
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:41:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 22
Words: 62,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23954749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eliadin/pseuds/Eliadin
Summary: V'Karr was a vulcan Starfleet captain who was unfortunate enough during Romulan War that killed his human bondmate, Adelaide. She was just a fine young woman, although her life was blessed as she died protecting others. There were plenty of problems remained unsolved, even after the war had ended. Something about her brother, Abbe with his secret colony on class L planet. Something that revolved around her life. Then V'Karr travelled across the Federation's territory border to resolve Vulcans big problems. He encountered Zora, the clone of Adelaide.
Relationships: Original Male Vulcan Character(s)/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 12





	1. The Memories and The Unfinished Business

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have updated it and used grammar checking. Hope it meets your satisfaction.  
> Any suggestion or critique, just comment. I would love to hear that.

**Stardate 2286.05**

_After she woke up the person on the bed beside her was trying to converse with her, and she recognized him as the captain, black glossy straight hair, thin and very tall with greenish pale skin with beads of black eyes, his nose is pointy, his ears is pointy almost everything in him is pointy, with a full lips that closed into a thin line, he seemed alright and dreamy like some classic fantasy character from classic story, but maybe sad._

_The biobed was lined so closed to each other his big body almost grounded her, he was hot, the Andorian touched her right side make it felt worse, and she was drawn to him as warmth is what she was seeking now in the no mercy cold recovery ward._

_He was fine from the outer appearance, but she knew from the hollow of his eyes he wounded inside. She moved her patronizing gaze to the nearby wall, trying to thought her own business._

_Apparently she had been beaten to death because of a misunderstanding. The Andorian vessel attempted to what appear to be joking that they tried to switch side to the Romulans, as a code to certain strategy, he said it is not merely the system was wrong, that didn't inform her about the code, as she was a new ensign, but because of her short tempered and single-mindedness as well, she translated it into that she was stupid, unprofessional cadet who almost got them lost at war._

_Her breath shortened after her heart skipped a beat. It hurt, she was almost whimpering, but she swallowed her own interpretation and smiled weakly towards the ceiling, suddenly aware that her gesture was an act of craziness and barbaric for Vulcan standard._

_Trough his touched arm to her limp left arm he didn't realize he was eavesdropping her mind because of his mental shield shattered after his incident. He felt her left chest ache and his exhales breath shuddered a bit, he could feel her disappointment and the salt in her eyes, it was uncomfortable._

_She has brown skin and a short straight black hair, with a brown downturn eyes and slightly upturn nose, full lips with prominent cupid bow, quite symmetrical, he thought, he would try to meditate on this later, her figure is approximately 158 cm and slender with bruises across her cheeks and eyes, not to mention in her body, but she appeared serene, almost manicly as calm as Vulcan could be. He thought about the possibility that her pain killer held an affect on her emotional composure._

_He was most curious, as she had been beaten to near death because of a misunderstanding. Human would have spat a swear and wanted to resign, then sued the federation as soon as possible. He stated about her position in this matter to prevented her urge to sue the federation, as it would going to brought a new problem to the already problematic organization. He was most manipulative if the human could say, but as Vulcan it was logical to resolved the matter before it went to court._

_He explained again why she was wrong on this matter, but she only gave a subtle smile to the ceiling, and he was speechless. Has she damaged so much until her human instinct gone and became mentally unstable after hard concussion. She was most illogical._

_“It's alright, Captain. I understand my unprofessionalism. I don't want to sue the federation, just wished to be healed here, because I got no health insurance down on earth.” She said with husky tone, which he would have recognized as her own voice color._

_It brought back memory to him, as the sound of the warm wind blew his robe on the edge of Vulcan forest, when he underwent Kashwan, ritual to be an adult Vulcan. It was warm and familiar, as his bondmate whisper. The thought of her actually brought him light hyperventilating and near choking sound came out. She looked at him with patronizing gaze again, this time didn't deny it._

_“What about you, Captain Vikar ? You seem decent.” She said. Damned her confused mind. He doesn't look decent. She gulped._

_He near winced at her pronunciation of his name. He did not want to answer it, all these days he had been trying to recover and denying everything, but the fact that he hadn't, left him dumbfounded. His bondmate had gone. T'Elvin had gone as well as her katra, her body might have frozen on the outer space, when her ship imploded, or burned shattered._

_She shouldn't been there, he should have warned her not to beamed to other ship, she should have been being here with him like always. The pulling sensation in his head as her ship broke into pieces was madly hurtful, he was collapsing on the bridge as he commanded to fire the torpedo towards the Bird of Prey that had blown her ship._

_He was too late, he was foolish to believe that Romulan would cease fire. It was his fault, he blamed himself as he unconsciously sobbed. Then he felt a touch towards his right arm, as light as wind it warmed his heart, although she sent a pain as deep as his, he almost shrieked, his face flushed green and the light tap became caress, the emotion of sadness and physical pain sent within. All these days he had been meditating to held it together now it broke free, assaulted his katra._

_The shush sound of her husky voice soften his pain a little, but there was still pressed sensation in his chest as he maintained his breathing as normal as possible, though he knew any Vulcan would be disgusted by his frantic crying. To his surprise she sobbed with him, almost appeared as sad as him, but he knew it was because of their touched arm._

_Human grieved among their closest relatives to shared the memories and eased the pain as their beloved happy memories would be remembered by other people too. But the problem about Vulcan is once they have being told, they cannot forget, so they used to grieve in private, and eased the pain with advance meditation. He was always a good Vulcan in his own opinion but as now he grieved with Human it was most inappropriate as she was not his mate. He felt conflicted but let it be until his chest felt lighter._

_He would indeed grieve for T'Elvin forever until he died. But, now the pain was not as overwhelming as before, and he could breathe normally without effort. The emptiness was there, it would always be there he concluded, as he cherished her all his life. It would be easier for him to followed her and vanished from this world without caring about his katra whatsoever. But it was illogical to do so, and wasted his life will be condemned irresponsible as he is a Captain on a Starfleet vessel._

_From the corner of his eyes she looked as miserable as he was from the inside, her face was painted red and wrinkled from the pain that not hers to cried for. Her right hand was busy between brushing her tears and holding her mouth, but her limp left hand still touched his, and he knew she was equally sad from the outside as from the inside._

_“Did you lost a family member ensign ?” he asked, tried to rebuild his shield, so he wasn't eavesdroping her mind anymore._

_“ I… I didn't captain, are you ?” she answered, confused her sadness with the problem of the medication as she became extremely moody today, not knowing that it was from the damned bio bed that was to close and the thin fabric wrapped their figure, he thought after failed attempt not to eavesdrop her._

_“ I do.” He said, Vulcan do not lie, but he didn't want to share his private life with this emotional woman as he thought what they've done was extremely inappropriate._

_“I grieve with thee, Captain Vikar.” she said again, quietly as the wind of the rainy day on Vulcan when he held his bondmate in his arm. Looking trough the window, enjoying the hot spice tea served for them. It was peaceful. And he frowned from his thought about his admiration of her voice._

_An unintentional eavesdrop caught her thought, whether or not was appropriate to said everything will be okay to him, or it just going to make things worse. Whether she told a story or told a joke. Whether she said something or just shut up. It once again felt comforting for him._

_And he kept listening. That she was not sociable enough to handle such a situation, although she wanted to know about who his dead family was, she couldn't bear the thought of him held a sob, it was kinda painful. So she got a panic attack and murmured to herself “everything is going to be okay”, the thought sent to him as loud as a whisper, gently caressed his wounded heart, eased his pain with no need of meditation. And for her the Captain arm was warmed her shivering body. She had thought he got a fever before realized that he got pointed ears._

_She had been shivering from the cold Andorian on her right side but the warmth from the Captain calmed her, almost like wearing a thick blanket in the winter when her house was out of power because apparently the Landlord wanted her to got out without a need to talked to her. He nearly smiled from this._

_The recovery room was so cramped with bed, Vulcan, Andorian and mostly Human laid in the same room side by side, as the physician didn't need to do any treatment for them, merely just laid there and get well soon, please._

_The Andorian seem peaceful is he alright ? She so much wanted to punch an Andorian for making her accused as spy, but again if she would had done that she got to be fair and punch a Vulcan and a Human as well, because apparently its their fault, right ? She would punch the Starfleet High Command one by one because they recruited her, and the Romulan for starting the war, and the Klingon for crushing her bone to pieces, and other species because they stood there letting this war happened. At the end she concluded to would punch herself hard in the face after she had recovered for being such a stupid human._

_It was no-one's fault, no one to be blamed. Somehow she knew it will be over. That thought calmed her more than anything, then she drifted to sleep. Suddenly she thought about her cat at home, Had they been fed by ? Did her mom actually forget to feed them again ? Has Papa been drink his coffee today? She didn't even know what time it was._

_Did her brother okay there ? She didn't even know where he was. He was running away from home after a big fight with Papa, left him mourning every day, made her Mama furious because his lack of action towards Abbe's decision. Why he left though, she didn't know._

_When she was a teenager, Abbe was a successful man, worked at some lab she couldn't recall the name, but he created things, more like genetically altered creatures. They would have had a pet of sehlat and cat hybrid if he didn't leave them._

_She remembered his promise, it would be sent for her birthday present. Srsly how was Abbe doing now ? Would he been alive at time like this ? Would he know if her sister was going to war ? His chest felt heavy as the thought about Abbe continued. He almost wanted to protest, before her thought flied to other things, as punching Abbe when they met. Yeah, it was Abbe fault, he left her with her broken parent as they got divorce shortly after destroying each other without realizing she was effected by that. They would complain about each other so much, she was getting used to it, somehow it made her had a duality in life and doubting her every decision in her adult life. Should she punch her parents too ? No. It is most inappropriate, he thought._

_She loves them, maybe that's just the way how she could grow up. So that she would become a good listener towards others, as she is a lawyer, before this mess happened. Yes, she loves to help, but she hates the talk._

_She was not a very communicative person, if she would have a capability to choose for she would want a telepathic skill. She would have won most cases because she could transfer not only her thought but her emotion as well. And it would be convenient as she would persuade the criminal to not done their evil action and did the opposite. Would that be a crime ? What is the morality of it then, it's a good intention. The Vulcan closed eyes twitched and answered the sound within his mind, Yes, that would be a crime._

_Then the sound stopped, he stole a glance towards her direction and found her eyes shut. Her right had been touching the Andorian next to her, and he barely could feel her shivering. After short meditative suggestion he pushed his hand closer to her barely recovered left arm hope his warmth could ease the Andorian cold body, he could feel she snuggled closer to him, their shoulder touched and her breathing became steadier._  
  


**Stardate 2325.05**

V'Karr looke up at the Vulcan sky beyond his windows and recalled the memory of her, it wasn't pleasant that he could still remember how she smelled, the texture of her hair, the softness of her voice, and her delicate finger entwined with his when they performed ozhesta, the feeling of her embrace.

The fact that he is bonded to other female did not help him replacing the memories of her. As the wind blew the sand from the desert, it crackling upon the glass windows, he recalled the day she died, still couldn't control what his thought wondering about, after years bonded with her he had enjoyed hearing her abstract mind as a background sound of his own thought. She was full of positive energy, and kind. The idealist woman who always put others first, she would have came home exhausted and snuggled her mild body against his warm. He would ask her about her day, and she would have been gladly projecting her memory to him. Sometimes he thought she would come back to him, came by the front door, as if she had taken a long trip somewhere.

She was so open to him, and warm. He had often dreamt about her finger petting his hair as she cuddled him on their bed. But after he was awake it only bring ache in his chest, so painful he did not want to repeat that again. Yet he did. He was ready to died when his last pon farr approached him. It had been three years since her death. He couldn't take any mate to replaced her as the thought of what she might think frightened him to his bone.

He would surely die this time, he couldn't be without her, he thought. And when the Plak Tow hit him, his Clan sent a Vulcaness to him. With his primal instinct the only thing he did is mate with her. Although after that he was mentally screaming to their bond, he was grateful that she came. But still, his mind kept wondering around the memories of his former human mate, would she be disappointed to him ? Would she be grateful that he kept himself alive ? Yes, she would want that, she would be agree to everything that could save a sentient life, even if it meant sacrificing herself.

When she died his bond doesn't shatter painfully as when T'Elvin died. Its usual pulses becoming a throb in his head and then the longing, pinning feeling assaulted him, as she sent it through the bond, then like a rubber knit that once tightly band together it unraveled and tied up close. He remembered their bond was simple, but not fragile at all. It was strong and full of memories. Any disruption would have made he thought may be it due to her human physiology that couldn't meant for telephatic bond.

But such disruption was only mean one thing. At that time he puzzled why would she said the parting word, divorced him and within his confuse mind and anger he tried to comm her, no answer. He was on a ship to Blue Horizon hunting the Romulan Bird of Preys. And she was on Risa, why would he had left her there ? He had remembered not to brought her as afraid for what happened to T'Elvin.

It was most ironic. About a week of frustrating days, the federation finally able to reached him. She had died. Shooted by a first generation phaser, died after protecting inter-planet delegation during her speech, she reportedly got 27 wound, one would easily kill edher. But she maintained to survive awhile to reached him.

His mouth bitter, as his nose flared inhaling louder than necessary, his chest was heavy. Looked down to his desk, gulping any flavor in his mouth as he mourned for her. Now he knew her reasoning, just as she had tried to protect those people. She must have wanted to protect him. Why would she painfully divorce him in the brink of her death ? She wanted to pardon him from the pain, as she had remembered his struggle after T'Elvin death, better than himself. She was however, an emotional being.

It shook his life to the core until he barely could stand. As she died, the person that he could share with is gone, and he couldn't barely think. He was wondering around the ship when he should had been meditating, walking up to the place she used to belong. He banished from his captain chair because emotionally compromised to do so. And for a week being a prisoner in a ship he landed to San Francisco.

Being a captain of Starfleet vessel was hard after T'Elvin death every time he encountered other vessel his instinct was to turn on Red alert and attacked. But as the time goes by he realized he wanted his life back.

The mourning time was ended, so he courted several female from other species as well as his own. But usually they did not match with his cold demeanor, the Vulcan and Betazoid might have understood him, but the Deltan just insulted him with their vulgarity and a Klingon female challenged him.

At the time he had taken a furlough in Risa he met the loud-thinking woman at recovery ward again. She was being a lawyer for the former Pleasure Girl there. He recognized her as soon as they met, chose to stared at her when she didn't look at him and quietly recorded her voice for his to remember.

Then she reached him, asking him for a date in human culture. And to his surprise as it wasn't per Vulcan custom to court woman, and mostly because he was surprised, he answered that it would be appropriate for them to dine together as they were a coworker. It was unusual for her, but then she nods and it gratified him.

She would have called him Captain Vikar although he had pronounced it demonstrably. They went to the beach, as the night landscape in Risa was most enjoyable for her, she said It moon-like satellites reminded her of home. She told him the beach at day was frightening for her because she was afraid of being drowned in the sea but at night, as the sea became shallow and the wave softened, and the reflection of the moons in the water calmed her. The wind was most pleasant for him as it was cold, and she would need to be closed to him, it would inadvertently make him eavesdropped her mind. Her thought would warm him as he warmed her.

When he came to her dwelling he found a terran feline with limp foot keeping her door, his name was Allie, as she was Addie, and he would know she was a soft-hearted person. 

He remembered her wearing a green dress that furiated him as it was showed her back. When he talked about his intention to bond with her and she cried it puzzled him, he knew that she wouldn't hurt other people feeling, but she was a straightforward woman. She would have been honest if she was not interested. But then she nodded and the air rotated around him faster, made him light-headed.

She would be his mate, no one would be able to claim her other than himself, the feeling of possessiveness was high at that time as she allowed him to bit her shoulder, marking her. Even that thought still make his heart vibrated harder now. Oh, he has cherished her so much, it hurt.

V'Linn is his bond mate now, although the Vulcan mate usually distant with each other, she is exceptional, wonderfully cold and aloof, resembling a death star. She held her pride high as he interpreted it as she disgusted by him. Maybe because he mention 'her' when his time with her that made her taken offense, or maybe because of their different occupation.

Used to be warmed and welcomed he couldn't give her affection like he did with Adelaide. But he respected her nonetheless as she kept him from dying. He might be ready if she would announce Kaal-if-fee. But, she never did. She was unfaithful toward him as he was to her. She will only came when his Time approached. Which he was grateful for.

It had been 23 years. And now he is 69 Vulcan years. He was currently a Vice Minister of Vulcan Ministry of Security and Defense, a lot younger than his colleague, he was the one who travelled across galaxy if they needed to. And it eased his loneliness a little. Being alone in a room will only keep his thought wander and ended up remembering her.

But being on a ship was not avoiding him to do so, as if there was no escape. Many night he would still mourn for her. As he would have to be with her when the first pulse of their breaking bond told him. She would have wanted to talk to him, and he would know what he would hear, her husky voice still haunted him when he was meditating. I divorce you, Kal-i-nok. The words he would never said to her.

He must have grown accustomed to it. After the incident that took her life she is now a hero in Risa. The federation honored her death as the Honorable Brave Lieutenant. She would be remembered by many, as an inspiration of kindness and bravery.

Her death was so infamous he couldn't bear every time the human came to his office and gave him their condolences. It almost like reiterated her death all over again. Every single person who came brought him a new wound to put in his already battered heart. Oh, dear Adelaide, everything reminded me of you. His emotional condition didn't show in his perfect facade.

Other thing that made him resign from Starfleet was he couldn't be glancing at earth soil the same way again, as he would remember she was there. In earth. As per her request.

They wanted to balm her and took her in the museum but the ideas shook his katra, it dreaded him to just saw her there lying rigid against the glass counter. But instead she was laying in earth now. Her katra cannot be taken as she is human. Being so close to her yet cannot touch her make him agitated.

The fleet that took him to Vulcan was making his condition worse, as it named U.S.S Sydney. Forced him to think of her again. When he arrived, he was approaching his Pon Farr hard as he was longing for her. His clan took care of him.

After that he was unemployed Starfleet graduate, retired captain with no credit to rely upon. Maybe that's why his new bond mate didn't desire him. As he only hurt her after their first encounter.

At the time he accepted to be the staff in Ministry of Science he got news that Adelaide burial ground had been robbed. The robbery was most incomprehensible. What's the good of her decaying body, even if they could steal her DNA she was not someone with superior physical feature if she would be rebuild.

The thought make him shivered. Her greatness was within her katra, her soul. No one could remake it even if there was a new shell for her. Now as he hears knock in his door his mind refocus to his office. And by that time, she was long dead for him. Might be as good as earth soil. Although he knew her corpse wasn't in the right place anymore.

“Come in.“ He almost sighed.

His secretary opened his door his hand was holding a padd that he gave to him immediately.

He read it, and it is not good news.

Romulan and the federation relationship improved after the war. Although the Romulans Empire vehement character still refused to unite with the Federation of Planet, they are willing to cease fire and for the last twelve years they started join trade with human and andorian. They only sell to Vulcan, not buying. So it was hardly a fair trade.

The only Vulcan-Romulan relation was that they were willing to develop the technology for their soon expanding star, under the disguise of federation. The red matter is Vulcans technology, and they are willing to help. But Romulan didn't want anything related to Vulcan so the information about Red matter experimentation is confidential.

To conduct such experiment they once tried to look for the same condition star as the Romulans, but to do so would be hard as to approaching the giant fire ball would be precarious. So they will try it to Callindra planet, it was gas giant but with uninhabited nearby system so it is excellent. But the Xindi used the other rocky planet for their proving ground as well. And Xindi was as stern as Romulan could be, they are not part of the federation so to asked for compromise it would be risky. But the system itself is not in their territory neither is the federation territory. So they thought they could use it.

But there is other problem as Xindi is not the part of it they might be wanted to spy on their experiment and to spying a whole planet from afar is an easy task. Any information could start a new war, possibly between Vulcan and Romulan. What his secretary bring to him is a report from their security vessel that settle in Callindra system before they do the experiment. And it has been told that supposedly Xindi vessel had traveled across the system thrice this week. After a month of their absence, the Ministry of Science decide they should conduct the experiment immediately.

V'Karr's head started to throb, which he immediately took control of his physiology.

Their vessel could be in danger now along with it 253 crew. His padd buzzing and it's a call from Minister of Science, Vaal. He accepted the call immediately, fearing what news will he gave him. First the ta'al, and then he sounded like near gasping.

“Vice minister, as I couldn't contact minister Solak. I want to inform that the Science Ship we sent now stranded in class L planet near Chin'toka system. I am afraid as it is in Cardassian territory they might capture them by now. As a vice minister of Security and Defense. I would want to ask you for advice.” He said, his hands clasped in front of his body instead of his back. V'karr hesitated to say.

“Minister I recently received news from Security vessel who inspect in Callindra system that after a month of Xindi absence they had been seen traveling across the system thrice this week. Now they had come back to Vulcan and will be docking in our space in 3 days. Your vessel might be stranded after an attempt to avoid encounter with Xindi as my vessel did but enter the Cardassian territory instead.” He shared his supposition. 

“I wish you to perform rescue effort for them as they bring most lethal object that could turn into weapon if they would fall in the wrong hands.” the Cardassian certainly not agreed with the federation, but they never attacked them. But it might be because their lack change of winning. With the right weapon their would chances increase. He should have reached them before the Cardassians did. He nodded respectfully as the call ended. 

The minister look pale when he reached him after his meeting with Vulcan Prime Minister. His usual stern yet Stoic face turned more icy than ever. His furrowed brow became one above his nasal bone.

The minister immediately took action as he had suspected. And within those action V'Karr would go with the rescue ship so if they may encountered Cardassian or Xindi hurting him was an act of sparking a war.

If he wanted to choose how he would die he didn't want to die like T'Elvin, if he could he want to be buried in the soil like Adelaide, as well as his katra. But her tomb had been robbed, he doesn't even know where her body belong. It could be in this entire universe. Suddenly, T'Elvin death would be more pleasant choice.

He packed his belonging before depart, and informed V'Linn.

He was roaming in his house, taking several padd or comm, a razor to shave, several robes, meditation candle. He had always alone here. When he was a captain of starfleet there were many companion on earth, now his peers would only coame if he invited them, but he rarely wanted to do that.

His house is as big as it is empty. The ceiling is ten meters tall with chandelier like light spread all over it, the room usually separate with door frame only and its about 4 meter as he is more than 2 meters tall. The floor is layered with mud like upholstery that shine it and as a anti microorganism protection. The wall and furniture is mostly brown to red hue, just a bit of yellow in some places.

Water is precious here so the bathroom is mostly sonic shower. His bedroom contained a small vase of Vulcan plants that had red leaf and white stem.

There isn't garden although his yard is capacious.

There isn't holo for a reminder like he had in his quarter with Adelaide, as his mind is more commemorate than the picture.

There isn't terran feline roaming free around his house, as its Carer had gone.

There isn't humming sound which he can hear even for afar every time Adelaide was cooking or gardening.

She would come to him when he summoned her through their bond. It was sweet, she was sweet.

He locked his door and went to his car. On the way to the shuttle he looked at Shi'Khar, with its pointed sky crapper and upside down building that had built from the cliff to reached the ground it had no rooftop.

Will he saw this again, he doubted it. All the death of his bond mates made him grew melancholic.

T'Elvin was also dearest to his heart, they cherished each other before her death at war. She was just like him, equally domineering and stubborn, she was passion incarnate. While Adelaide was peace incarnate.

He was no longer mourn for T'Elvin as Adelaide came. But, now long after Adelaide death no one came to him, he might be able to let her go if V'Linn tried harder, he once thought. But, he sensed it was him who didn't welcome her.

Their death killed his will to live yet he still alive. One day, he did resent their memories and grew hating them. He went frantic and done the unimaginable. His clan almost submitted him to mentally unstable intitution if they did not situated their pride first and coerced him to exesive meditation. It turned out well for him, he got his will to live again. But not his will to pursued a mate as he already had one.

With his loneliness he thought he could do anything but he couldn't. The will to try is not exist. He was still longing some nights.

With his car stopped so does his thought, focusing his strategy abroad the shuttle, and then abroad the ship. The captain of the ship, Stryk, regarded him.

After a decade of being Starfleet captain he had accustomed to the heightened stimulation around his ship. But living in Vulcan had reconditioned him. Now hearing a murmur or even step walk is strange for him. His sense of smell heighten as he doesn't need to alleviate it anymore. His people are peaceful as they are lonesome. At least he is lonely.

After his recovery from his denying phase he work at Ministry of Science as an assistant of Head of Physic Department, then advising him in some of his paper he was helping him built a defense mechanism that would be put the entire planet atmosphere for protection against intruder better than Force Field in Yorktown, and then he promoted as a Head of Strategy Department of Ministry of Security and Defense. After his second Pon Farr post Adelaide death he became a Vice Minister.

As the engine initiated, V'Karr went to the bridge with Stryk. He sat on his seat and commanded to start the warp drive. Off they go, V'karr thought. He doesn't know why he felt right being here, as if something terrible would happen, like always. But he had never avoided death rather than people saved him.


	2. The Blue Planet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Abbe and his Colony lived in Class L planet. How Zora thinks about her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have updated this one. Enjoy.

Nora cmwas climbing the stairs, holding the last of their bag to go hunt for misei, the part of the poisonous tree branch that contained carbohydrate which have to be filtered first.

People in their colony never growing obese, as food was hard to replicate here. With they're fearing for Cardassian and Federation they couldn't build the electricity installation as visible as they want.

They lived underground, hiding under the soil of poisonous tree planet. Good thing there were no natives in here, the trees is in one color dark blue with a different hue for the leaves the green one would glow at night. They could grow as high as 30 meters, draping the hills with blue velvet blanket up to the top of the mountain.

The soil is depended on the height of the place from the shore. The one near the beach could be pink or could be purple, the one at the mountains will be as dark as black. The night would be pitch black if the tree didn't exist, or if the sky so polluted hiding the dark blue sky with a big colorful planet hanging beside the stretch of stars. Zora loves seeing them from her small glass ceiling of her quarter. The girl would be quite, and her eyes grew sadder.

The soil which is dark blue contain a lot of titanium, iron and silica. They could mine it. The mine is near the barren mountain as the tree is their primary food source. The older people usually mining after dark as they would work for other shift at the day, the one that should be done above the ground.

The tree releases a toxic gases at night after the red nearby star submerged. Their tunnel is deep down about 100 meters at it lowest and can be deeper near the Mine. It connected to several escape exit high in the mountain but separate with complex door and air filters. It looked like a complicated system for their small colony. But its highly functional for their highly mobile population.

People in here dressed as they want but have to wear protective suit when they go outside. The children were raised in one big shelter called Children Center even though they got their parent to provide for them, it's the protocol, the people schedule was controlled as well as food. They would adjust by their capability and skill, without looking at their race or species. Any suggestion will be submitted to Council Center.

Nora came out last, in her mid 50s all of her young stamina evaporated, as the purple grass gleam with the sunshine. Trying hard not to fall on it or else she would be itchy to die.

Xena got that for her untidy protection and mostly her careless attitude. They had to scrapped her skin but managed to replaced it with synthetic one. Now she is as flawless as new. Zora was different although the girl had sad eyes whenever it glances up to the sky, she had spirit they all here doesn't. She is the one who save Xena when the accident happened, think fast to kept her from rubbing her body further to the poisonous grass.

When Xena got convulsion from her shock no one hoping she would be alive that day. But she picked her herself with her petite body, half carrying half dragging Nora down to the tunnel, then shove her to the biobed. Even the doctor have to be convinced first.

Abbe was right, she thought. It's good to bring her back. But she has the temper like no one had here.

When the doctor/xenobiologist a Denobulan male refused to perform the “skin scraping” procedure she removed her protection gloves and punched him in the face, hard. It broke one of his ridges, dislocated her fingers bones. When she questioned her for such an act she said.

“Well, I know I wouldn't kill him, and Bone-Knitter is abundant here. It is better he used it than make my friend died.”

Nora smiled silently as to not encourage her action and still gave her detention. She continued lecturing her how stupid her act might bring them misfortune.

“The doctor is here because he was willing to, free of charge, if we lost them, you will kill more than a friend.” and she knew Zora agree, but she scowled and without attitude she didn't teach, she left. It was hard sometimes with her. She kind of like having a revenge with the world for their poor condition, and she was not easy to forgive.

In this colony everyone is Friend/Colleague there is no family, every child is everyone child too. After their 16 standard years they will be given their own quarter as well as work schedule and a padd, teach how to harvest the forest and learn to drive a shuttle.

There is plenty of crime even though they already had fair economic system, the punishment usually severe, for the worst crime usually quick death is more appealing as they would let you die eating the green tree fruit. They only got one culture slash norm slash rule slash ideology here. And that is simple enough, no one is hungry here. 

The replicator is only one, and they built the massive one near the Supply Center. They used the same name for the food splitter in the Nourishment centre. Protein is hard to get, they had to synthesis it first from inorganic compound then added to the replicator to make food. The residue of the three poison is contained a lot of nitrate and sulfur. They usually got square stack of carbohydrate, fat and protein bars, flavored water, and a supplement for other micronutrient, after adjusted to the species, weight and height.

The Nourishment Center is the biggest hall, everyone would come and dine together, there would be an entertainment such as Orion Erotic Dance, or Romulan Line of March or Klingon Battle fight or Human Music Band. But, the performer would not only from the exact species, that what makes it more fun. They would criticize and mock but out of mirth, as bullying is a serious crime here. 

The Chairman of the council a human biochemist engineer called Steve Chang is rumored to be victim of the bully. Zora and her gang would do something up at the middle podium, maybe dance, maybe sing, but she knows somehow she's gonna messing that up. Just walking and running is hard here, maybe because her heart problem or maybe the gravity doesn't match with her human organ, but other human is fine, or maybe they don't tell anybody.

Medicine is abundant here as the bacteria is almost non-existent except the one the people brought with them. So it mostly ranges variant of flu from Argellian to Orion and a skin problem such as, Cardassian wart that dangerous for Ferengi. There is plenty of pharmacists here as well as Biologist and Botanist. They settle in here after their job taken over by robots and machine. Soon being here is hard as the computer scientist had come and started to create thing. But it doesn't matter, because they got limited electricity so it wouldn't last long. 

The most important threats is the other colony, the one who has army and willing to fight them. They already moved from Daneb IV as it contains a lot Dilithium. The population is nearly two thousand when they are there, the Xindi attacks them, killed almost half of them, as well as Pevao, andorian female Xenobiologist and Norton, human botanist who made hybrid from grass and tree into edible and delicious food, one of the brightest mind there as well as her closest companion.

Nowadays each one of them had given a combat training from a Klingon former army A'torr, a bunch of Romulan ex-empire soldier and a Ferengi former professor, Demera, for a survival training as they are the most resourceful when it comes to turn something into profit. They are the refugee who comes before their settlement in Daneb IV. 

Their planet is unnamed, some would call it Threxxa, after an Andorian little girl died when they landed, matched with the blue new home. The mountainous terrain and thick forest hide their civilization underneath it. The shuttle parker in nearby cave that had an entry door through their tunnel passage. The ship that brought them here is wrecked and hide by the growing trees at the west side mountain. 

Before the tunnel built the first generation would live in the ship while trying to survive. As they had the equipment for mining the construction is done quickly. She remembered the first thing they built is air filter. It is easy as the toxic gas is a rather large particle and the heavy one so it will settle near the surface. They would place the pipe higher than the highest bush as the landing tear down large patch of the forest. The air is pleasant but the tree is poisonous at night as it secreted Hexaethyl tetra phosphate as their side product of their Photochemosynthesis. At day, they open all the air tunnel as it contains oxygen and other safe gasses. But at night they have to turn on the air filter to select some gas that their tolerate and need. The water is easy they got a highly acidic lake at the south and alkaline river along the mountain. Filtering them would be easy enough. 

Romulan as well as any vulcanoid being can tolerate this gasses, but it would be lethal for Ferengi and some reptilian as Xindi and Cardassian as well as Klingon, they would pass out immediately. Human can be dead if exposed in 3 hours, man called Ethan once get drunk and late entering the tunnel, the gate guard only look at him from the glass windows unable to open the gate as it will kill most of them. He is a Romulan, and he swore he remembered watching him gaping for air in 3 standard hours. And Romulan couldn't forget, so they believe it to be a fact. 

As Nora think of it, it will be easy to destroy their colony, one hole at the air filter will suffocate them, usually at night vulcanoid guards will keep the air filter from the outside. Just imagine someone forgets to close the gate after the sunset he/she would murder the entire colony. 

Zora once thought this planet is really hard for a gloomy looking planet as most things are blue in here. The sky, the soil, even the trees. The trees are most lonely, only one species of tree in a whole planet. So unlike their colony, but somehow kinda similar. 

The small glass in her ceiling would tell her it would be wonderful here at night. As the green light Illuminate the forest, and the small portion of the galaxy peeking through the glass, as her eyes stuck trough the glass her mind would wander off through the possibility in her life. 

Would she be off this planet soon ? Who will saved her ? Would she went by herself ? How would she do it ? Who would want to go with her ? Xena might be, but she got a boyfriend here, Nora would decline, Abbe would hate it, Nilua would be asking her ton of question, and she would answer immediately incapable keeping her secret as she done her pheromone thing, beside she is the most talented nurses at Children Center, so it would be like betrayal against the colony, So'rhn would also decline, as what she can see she already comfortable here, the age-long beauty want to date several men as she completed her conquest down to all species here. 

She was really alone, wasn't she? As her mattock struck the branch she thought, she would be gloomy again today, and her energy level would drop, something about her heart worsened, they would more like a shudder nowadays, rather than steady beat like before, maybe it because she was getting older. She would ask Abbe later, dreading the fact he would drag her down to the fretful doctor. 

Nora was gathering the branch she had cut. Zora had given birth here after a lot of experiment, Adelaide last egg, she remembered, it was dawn when the cloning finished and as watching an egg hatching day by day she would look up at the incubator to see the development, after three days, Abbe finally called her, he said the embryo is forming. She looked at him as a crazy person that day, how sick was his obsession towards his sister. But he mean no harm other than to gave himself a chance, his sister was innocent, she deserved one more chance.

“Just one more time, Nora dear.”

And she agreed that her death was unfair for him, for his family, nine months after that Nora gave birth to her, after a painful transfer. And she held her dearly as her own damn self.   
It was dawn again, the gate barely opened when she got into labor. Abbe was more excited than she was, more panicked too. His neat hair dishelved into a curly tangled hair, his shirt collar opened unlike usual, and his clumsy yet strong hand held her with a cold tremble anticipation, his brown skin flushed red. 

Her birth was easy, unlike Xena. Might be because she was unnatural. Or may be because she was small as a baby, she cried as soon as she got out, Abbe cried frantically as he held her. Murmuring thank you to her ears for bear her in nine months. And after that she and Abbe became a thing, it was almost impossible to date him because he is such an introverted nerd, she would be surprise he got the same passion as any other human male, but then Xena came. 

She was naturally conceived, but turns out more similar to Abbe than her. Her hair is brown, unlike her blonde, with deep set eyes but her eye color resemble her as green as earth forest. 

She would grow at the Children Center as well as Zora had been, they would meet daily because she worked there. While Zora exceptionally look like her sister as Abbe said, though Nora didn't even know how she looks like. With a pair of brown sad eyes and prominent cupid bow. Even as a child her black hair is thick, straight and long as rays of sunshine, as Care-taker she usually spare a ribbon or precious rubber to tied her hair so it's not impeded her vision. 

Xena is younger she was usually tailing other children but mostly towards Zora, as if she knew she would be the one who would protected her. Abbe would ask her to take Zora and Xena to their quarter, once or twice she would do that, or a lot. 

When she was born he wanted to register her name as Adelaide Lodner but Nora stopped him. The child may have the appearance of his dead sister, but she would have her own soul, her own personality. She could see he hesitated and murmuring about designed brain pattern and customized neuron development, but still he listened to her.   
Her name means Dawn, as when the gate would open, free them, for work and for breath, also more philosophical as his sister who once dead will rise again just like the Sun. 

She agreed, her temper is as hot as sun. She would explode like earth volcano, whenever she got the chance. She would be destructive but never hurt others or their belonging, except the arrogant doctor she dreaded. When Nora ask Abbe did her sister had a temper as bad as Zora he answered with chuckle,

“Addie is the most gentle person I know, she might be want to punch people, but only stay in her head. Not even willing to doing it. She is brave but not in that thing.” 

Well Zora bravery is indiscriminate, she would do anything once she knows it's right. She would be exceptional soldier if she would listen to people. But, she doesn't. 

“Did you think Xena is resembled me at all ?” she asked

“Her eye color, she got it from you, I know that. Sometimes she looks like me, sometimes she looks like you. Sometimes she looks like her too. But, there's already the one who look like her.” 

It is true, Zora and Xena is kinda similar, maybe because they are related. Xena is more feminine, while Zora is more daring. Abbe once told her that Xena's personality may be more similar to Adelaide than Zora is. Maybe because their being older and younger affected their personality. Adelaide got Abbe as a brother for most of her childhood, someone she can rely upon. And Xena got Zora for the one who always being there for her.

“But, Zora got the exact brain pattern as her, they both observant, very sensitive toward others and most importantly, they both listen to me.” He relieved.

Nora picked their yield and give it to Xena and Zora to brought. They were conversing about the dark blue sky that redden it appears purple hidened some stars. It was almost twilight when they heard loud blast and the ground trembled. Nora immediately looked at them both. The rest of the working people also stopped at their place as being trained their whole life for this situation. 

It could be a torpedo, or it could be their electric circuit that explode. It could be anything. They moved towards the shuttle one by one as quietly as possible. Xena felt her new skin itch as it should be goosebumps whenever she was anxious. Zora was looking at the source of the sound, hoping she would catch something. 

When the second shuttle arrived they hopped one by one, just as the last person entered, the door shut, and they were going back inside the tunnel. There would be no one guarding the air filter tonight, they would be at their quarter locked, the Synthesis Center would be off so that the gasses could not escaping the funnel. 

There would be no light tonight and the children would be put under the sedative, so they remained calm. The thought furiated her, who the hell dare to attack their passive colony. There were about fifteen people in the second shuttle and fifteen inside the first shuttle. They could pretended there is no one in this planet, but until when would they do that. Her grip at her bag became firmer. Nora worriedly glanced at her from across her seat. Xena shut her eyes tight. The rest of them were neither being Xena nor Zora. Most of them stared blankly to the floor. They remained ghost-quite, it was frightening. 

When they arrived at the gate they quickly walked down the stairs. But they weren't hurry, they would never hurry. As the lamp in the tunnel changed from white to red they went to their quarters. The gate had closed and It should have been invisible because the valleys and cliffs from the mountain hides it. But who knew. As Zora was entering her quarter after dumped her bag in Supply Center and freed herself from the protective suit. She went to her bed, tonight would be cold, she could have feel that at her damp back as it was wet from sweat she got after used the thick suit. She was glancing up to the glass ceiling looking at the now purple sky. 

In the night like this usually there would be storm, she glanced back at her dark room looking for something to do, but then she was sighing and laying on her bed. Her padd was broken, after an attempt to connected it to some installation in the Council Center. The bed was not as hard as the floor but it used only to supporting the body when they were sleep, not for comfort. The lightning from her window woke her from her drifting phase, scared her. Something in her head told her it could kill her, even though it was just like flickering light. The sound didn't get through down here. After this she would get nightmare, usually so. Something about longing to someone she didn't know but remembered. It was like unfinished knit that the loose thread caressing her brain wanted to be knotted end. Something unfinished and something to remembered. She was shivering.

Her heart is always melancholic as if she was waiting for someone. Sometime it triggered her patience. Make her wanted to shout out loud. But to whom, about what. Maybe something like, Is she crazy? 

When she was a teenager at Children Center she would dream a lot about the Romulan, Andorian and Klingon even about Vulcan. The species she had never encountered. There is plenty Romulan here, but they are just vulcanoid not the mighty Vulcan itself, you know because they can control their body and stuff, probably control others mind too. It would certainly disturb her sleep, she would have woken up exhausted. 

Something about earth and its fauna which mostly a limp kinda small Caitian like creature. As long as she recognized it from the class. Something about the middle aged lady lecturing her and a middle aged man drinking and reading from his padd. She had curly thick black hair and brown skin while he got short brown with some gray strand hair, his skin paler than her just like Xena to her. 

Something about spaceship and its crew but one man in particular, he looked like Romulan with striking haircut. He was the most interesting as her dreams mostly orbited around him, he felt so familiar, yet she couldn't recognize his race. She was strange too, as she would have stopped walking to smelling flower or to feeding an animal. Her hair was cut short with some curls in it, very different from her waist length hair. Nearly everyone here got a long hair, when it started to disturb they would cut and collected it to the Supply Center. Red orion hair, platinum Andorian hair, and thick stand from Klingon hair, stiff and straight Romulan hair. They are colorful, but when the Synthesizer had broken it down, It would became mostly food, a block of protein to be eaten. Never wasted anything. 

The image about two silver moons was the prior part of the dream that she would have remembered. There is no moon here, this place itself is a moon of the prime planet just hanging colorfully big in the sky, haunted her. But no doubt that it is pretty. Those moon was on of the things in her dream that she wanted to look in real life. The two yellow big satellite as it reflected on the water, the cold wind would blow her hair, yet she was warm. An Earth moon, down on a beach, what was it like to be where she supposed to belong. 

She felt empty sometimes. Everybody out there got a personality, got a boyfriend or girlfriend, could have enjoyed life. But she is just an empty girl with some energy to be wasted and gave it up to angry at anything, as if she was doing war, who did she want to protect ? Well her heart ain't made of steel, she would have ignored other people complaining about how she done her life, but she had gotten no manual for it so just be it. Just go with the flow. But every time she wanted to go with the flow she would always keep overthinking, well where would this river going to end ? Was she supposed to swimming with it or fight it ? Would she have supposed to build a raft or boat so that she could have been floating more comfortably and not soaking up until nearly drowning. She has been drowning. Maybe that's why she was bitter the whole time. 

Like if she had known how to have fun without tiring his inner social battery whenever she was in crowd. Well, she enjoyed reading from her padd though, that she could admit proudly, but that would make her wanted to explore more, and she was trapped in this tunnel with its all comfortable facilities. That was ironic, if only she got an enhancement at her next health scan maybe she could get in to Mine Shift, to the place she had never been before. Digging up a soil inside a digged soil, no sarcasm or pun intended but it seemed fun, maybe she could get new experiences, not only nursing babies, changing diaper, or cuddling them. It was fun and they are adorable, but she needed some new stuffs, learning a new language is actually her hobbies so that she could read another language in her padd, because universal translation couldn't interpret the philosophy of some writing. Sure she got to attend the Harvest Shift which is exiting because she got to explore the surface although with limited time. And the Shuttle Class will only allowed her to fly over the bright side of the planet, she wanted to go to the dark side, they said that there it's snowy and free of trees, the landscape would be the nearby planet and the galaxy, just like at the nighttime beside she would be safe inside the shuttle without feared the tree gas. But, what was good landscape if she died. 

There was one time some of her dream were quite inappropriate too. She would have woken up gasping and hot. It was uncomfortable. When she told Xena about her dream, as she had dated couple of boys, she would suggest her to start dating as well. Offered a make over for her, and would lend her frilly clothes to her. She declined, it would be unbearable as her clothes is as pretty as it would have caught everyone attention. Most of them is green, she loved to matched it with her eye color. Sewing is one of her chosen skill, hers would be Other Languages, hated to start a conversation but wanted to gather informations.

Maybe that was because she came up her age. Xena said. If what she meant did she reach puberty yet? well she had reached it years ago when she was eleven. Now, she is twenty and had never dated a man. Was she always sad because of that ? Because she was lonely. Maybe, and with that she started panicking. What would she do with her life ? Imprisoned in this planet, only able to go out at the day. Would Alex from Tech Sift ask her to go out ? He liked to stare at her though. Or a Romulan from Nursing Shift the man she didn't knew the name, she found him fascinating as he feels familiar to her. Oh, there is an ex-Borg to down the tunnel, the latest quarter to built for the Newcomers, he never did anything to flirt with her, but he was most interesting to her. Like what was inside his constantly brooding mind. And the lightning shook her form again. She hidden under her thin blanket. And prayed to whoever created her to make her strong and fell asleep.

Tomorrow she would ask Alex to fix her padd, and maybe if she would be brave enough ask him to sit together at Nourishment Center.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and kudos if you like it so I could know something's up here.


	3. The Scary Encounter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He still sad and so was she.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess it's getting more complex. The grammar was nasty, I tried using grammar checking app, it's try its best.

**Aboard T'Janikrel Vulcan Battleship**

V'Karr walked from the bridge to his quarter. The first and second standard day had passed, now he would have to rest and meditate. They had held a meeting regarding the rescue mission. They were able to locate the stranded ship, currently on Casper a class L satellite of gas planet called Cassidy 13A, orbited a red dwarf star 0.678 SA away.

There had been a rumor that there is a colony lived underground, they would come out at the day and come back to their dwelling at night. The plants there is poisonous for some species but safe for Vulcan. They had been ordered to look for sentient being to avoid spies and recently reported that there is a united species group underground as the Thermoscan caught several ideal temperature from many species. Human, Andorian, Ferengi, Denobulan, even Klingon and possibly Romulan as they are not far different from a Vulcan.

V'Karr was not optimistic at the thought that he would have to negotiate with them to avoid misunderstanding. His days as Starfleet captain had been full of negotiating with other colony and species, a friendly introduction his human admiral once said. He would beam down and greet them as his crew would be monitoring his physiology. His Stoic demeanor would make them wonder, some like Orion and Andoria would immediately hate him. But some would pay respect. And he must be prepared as absconded criminal usually seeking protection in some anti-federation colony, so before he stepped down the surface he must have known who he would negotiates with.

He nodded to several walking crew and reached to his door. Was not ready to the loneliness waiting inside. They would be there by three standard months if there was nothing happen. 

The door hissed close, his quarter is adequate, there is private sonic shower, meeting desk, a comm, a large bed with no duvet as Vulcan can control their inner temperature, a pair of pillows as the guest quarter usually for the guest and their bondmate as well.

His mind was wandering again, if V'Linn were here she would have demanded him to ask for another room, his head throbed from the humiliating thought, the thought of her reminded him about his soon approaching Pon Farr.

Being a person with high status requires him to avoid any rumor. Him has had three different bondmate is already bad enough, although his reason is logical, still it would make other thought he was jinxed as human said. And Vulcan is believe in some custom more than any species.

A year before his next Pon Farr came, as well as V'Linn's. He mentally touched the broken link that had united him with Adelaide, it was not dishevel like T'Elvin's, but rather tousled with tight knots as she had done the parting before she parted from this world so that it couldn't hurt him like T'Elvins did, always thoughtful, always caring. He spread his mat and sat upon it, inhaled deeply then closing his eyes. This journey would be a long one, he thought. 

**At Threxxa Planet**

Zora had awoken before the alarm was beeping, her dream was just a replay, nothing new, so she didn't feel so tired. She wanted to clean herself before started her day, but lost herself at the thought of what happened up there, if there was no storm she doubted she could fall asleep.

She quickly took her laundry and her clothes, a long sleeve light yellow t-shirt and black utility pants, paired with her rubber boots to wore while underground. The lavatory is at the corner of the fifth level down, would be painful to be reached when you under urgent business, and it's water based so it would be very cold after showering, as energy is limited here. After this she would do her laundry and maybe went to Alex immediately if she had courage to do so then consulting with Abbe if he had woken up. She went out and closed her quarter, the tunnel was still illuminated in red, the other quarter closed shut, she was hearing only low buzz of the water pipes. The chilly atmosphere tensed her muscle, such a frightened little girl, she thought. Well she is a woman now, as she walked down the circle stairs.

When she reached the fifth level there were couple of people roaming around, they would nod to each other as a customary here. But the lavatory was deserted, the light was flickering with yellow dim light. She didn't know what was it but anything weird with light scared her to her soul. Her steady heart shuddered as she tried to muster up her courage, trying to be cool hanged her clothes in the nearby hanger. The lavatory is only a line of shower and curtain. Not so private, the same facility for women and men whatever species you are. 

“HA AAH !!!” a roar behind her curtain, and she collapsed, bumped her bare bottom to the floor, with a loud cry.

“Who the hell is it ?” As she tried to stand, tried hard to hold back a swear.

“Ah, finally I can hear your voice.” A man voice, sounded happy.

“It's not funny, you make me hit the floor.” And I could get heart attack. She said, wasn't pretend to be patient.

“I know, but it is. Anyway, so you are an early bird ?” His water was running, then she swiveled on hers. 

“I asked you first, who are you ?” Well she was afraid that he might be some perverted creep but, she was trying to focus shampooing her hair. 

“I'm Alex.” Her hand stopped rubbing her hair, she gulped nervously as the thought of meeting Alex at the place before she had been prepared.

“From Tech shift.” He insisted.

“Yeah, yeah of course. A man programmed the new language learning app ?” She tried to recall his appearance, tall guy with brown skin and intense eyes. Well, for her every guy is tall here, even a male Ferengi.

“Yes, a handsome face with smart talented brain.” He added, and she smiled, impressed with his doubtless confidence.

She continued her shower and dried herself, while Alex was whistling with the water still running. Then she put her clothes on and her boots, carried out her dirty laundry.

“You agree then ?” His head peered from the slit of the curtain, his hair was still covered in shampoo, she brushed her hair in front of the mirror caught his reflection through it.

“What ? Did you even know me ?” She turned around and asked him. Her hand was behind her head braiding her hair. His eyes flickered with mirth, then his head disappeared.

“Oh, you have no idea, don't you ? People in here doesn't act like it either.” Then his running water stopped, after a brief pause his hand uncovered the curtain, and he came out. Looking fresh with dark blue long sleeve t-shirt, gray utility slack, and a matching black boots. Walked towards the mirror beside her, continued his speech. Her braid was in the middle length of her hair.

“But, I can assure you are a very famous woman.” He looked at her, as intense as when he looked at his computer. She furrowed her brow confused, she is twenty and didn't get her permanent shift yet, how could anyone notice her with her very minimal accomplishment. She took it as a sarcasm.

“How could I ? Are you done blabing right now ?” Suddenly felt ashamed of her temper. He almost felt sorry, but came out with his best smile instead.

“Such a short tempered lady, you easily scared too. Tell me, are you half-Caitian ? Oh my god, how could you appear so human ?” Tried to throw a joke.

“Sorry.” she said, almost looking half-hearted, but she meant it. Finishing her braid with a rubber band. His look at her intensified.

“So, would you, eat with me at third period ?” He was staring at her, and she to him.   
She handed him her padd.

“If you could help me fix this, I would.” she couldn't suppress her smile, and let it out. He let out a wide grin and took the padd.

“It settles then. Can I ask your quarter number ?” Fidgeting the broken padd with both hand, and she could tell her padd is so small in his hand.

“1386. Can I ask yours ?” she asked

“My pleasure. It's 1537.” So he is a newcomer. That's why growing up she couldn't remember meeting him. But, people in here doesn't talk about their past. So, she swallowed her curiosity and moved to the cleaning processor.

“Wait, would you mind if I join your laundry ?” He walked towards her with his boyish grin, is this flirting ? Well, obviously.

“You could, but I used earth flower fragrance.” She agreed, the scented compound was synthesized here. Abbe gave it to her as her sixteenth birthday when she had moved out from the CC. Since then, she would ask him to synthesized it for her.

Well, Xena used flower fragrance too, but not in her laundry, she liked it diffused in alcohol and sprayed it when she had clothed. She would also add deer musk and classic earth spices to be used for different occasion depending on her mood. After that other friends would ask her, and they all would be chasing after Abbe, asking for small bottle of fragrance.

“Great. That would make it smelled like home.” He smiled as he looking at her grabbed his dirty gray t-shirt. Then she did some controlling and turned the machine on.

“What is it like on earth ?” she asked as she had her back rested on the machine. He did the same, hesitated to answer, brushing his finger to his short crew cut curly hair. 

“Hmm, the soil is colorful from light brown to black, some of them is red some of them is white, the trees mostly green with brown stem, some of them at one season their leaf would turn red, or they would come off covered the ground, they would have a reproductive system which is flower that vary from all color spectrum. There are constantly surging salted water they would be as blue as the sky above, or as dark as in here, there are frozen rain covered mountains, the rivers, the big one complete with electric power plants, and the fauna there is a lot, I hope I had holos of them, most common is dog and cat they are domesticated animal, then birds flying from tree to tree, the wild and dangerous one like cat but bigger or like dog but more fierce, then fish as small as your pinky finger -she smile at this part, to the big one as large as your quarter block doubled. Are you satisfied now, Miss Curious sleepy eyed ?” He teased her again, she almost scowlded. But she smiled wider, felt grateful, his explanation was descriptive enough, made her able to imagine it. She nodded appreciatively. His voice was steady and making him appeared most dreamy.

Then the machine chimed, their laundry was ready. She got them out, and they started to fold it in to a neat pile. 

“Your description is so vivid, I was wondering how different it was as it supposed to be my home world.” Her colorful t-shirt was already stacked up in neatly folded pile.

“If you still have questions maybe we should eat together more often.” He said again, half flirting half asking.

“Okay.” she suddenly felt more enthusiastic. Then the alarm rang, not as loud as usual. They would be heard through the tunnel all over the installation except the CC.

“I have to go now, see you in NC.” Then he went, she carried her clean clothes back to her quarter, well that was intense, she thought. Suddenly got an anxiety about what impression she had made down there. And as she wanted to scream out loud, her heart would be disturbed again, and she remembered to go down to Abbe now.

She opened her quarter door and entered, put the clothes on nearby closet and headed out the door immediately. The tunnel was crowded with people, some of them that at the same age lived in one row. But newcomers would get upper domicile as well so, therewould be more age variation.

Sometimes she thought it's too controlling here, everything is scheduled everything has to be in order, although there's a lot a mess they would have done. But as she thinks, lived alongside by poisonous tree and only allowed to see starlight at day. She had never gone out after the sunset. She had never seen the giant rainbow swirl motive gas ball at night, how beautiful it would have seen collides with the stars, or maybe there's more of it at the sky when dark approached, only Romulan had been out there, she once asked So'rhn about that matter, she just said it was starry and dark. Not quite fulfilling her curiosity.

As she walked to Abbe quarter she tried to check her reasoning again, would it make him want her take DNA therapy again, or he would just let her gone while he tried to think about the solution of her illness. Well, she got to date with Alex at third period today, so she didn't have time for that. Her walking pace slowed. It would be one hour before first period nourishment bell rang. Then she heard stumping footsteps of peoples running down the tunnel.

It was the Guards running inside the corridor from the nearby entrance. She stepped aside to let them passed. Maybe thirty to forty guards was running to the Council Center. There would have been no one there. Steve Chang might be queuing in the lavatory or sleeping in his quarter. Or maybe there was someone in that dome. Maybe the Councils had a meeting while other people locked themselves at their quarter.

Maybe the problem out there was not only a fallen tree or electric circuit explodes.

She turned around and walked towards the turning point before the hexagonal tunnel, that headed to the Council Center and stopped there. Afraid she would be kicked out by one of the guard if she was getting too close. Unfortunately her padd was on Alex, she couldn't pretend playing her padd while tried to gather some information while, leaned back to the wall. She wanted to swear so bad but gulping loudly instead. Think Zora, think.

Then she undid her braid. Slowly braiding again while stand there with ears and her peripheral vision tried to caught anything. Her ears caught a walking sound again, from the corridor she had came.

She panicked but walked back to the half circle tunnel, it is the main corridor if you want to go anywhere, the square tunnel would headed to the quarters block. The hexagonal tunnel is for certain peoples, maybe someone convicted law breakers, or someone with high position or if you are a guard or if you are brave enough to submit suggestion for the Councils. 

Now with her hair loose like that they would hardly recognize her, the tunnel now illuminate with white light as usual, there were several people walking alone, and from the turning point she caught a glimpse of Steve Chang and David Babrik conversing, they looked concern. And Steve kept fidgeting his own finger, nervously.

She walked slowly now towards them. Maybe eavesdropping their conversation was better than spying on the alley like some ghost. A Romulan woman and Ferengi man walked behind them, they looked concern to, as she was approaching them.

"--- Thermoscan --- it was intruders then--- do you think it was the ----" 

And that's it, she wanted to tailing them, but she couldn't with the Romulan looking at her with a piercing look and the Ferengi flared his nose irritated when she passed them. 

Her brain was working hard, what Steve wanted to do with David Barbik. He is a miner. It didn't make any sense if he wanted something from him, what would they do with the Thermoscan. What is it by the way, maybe he wanted an information if he found something down the mine that he could prove with the Thermoscan, maybe some lithium or other precious element.

But, what with the intruder. Why would anybody want to intrude the mine, they couldn't sell it to no one here. Mine would use the steel and other element to provide for The Synthesizer, making food, clothes, doors, bandage, computer spare part, everything. From the scratch.

She was conflicted. Unconsciously had been walking in to the Nourishment Center before the first period bell rang. The installation has no door like others did. It was opened wide supported with steel frame in a square shape. When you step inside, it got the shape of the large dome. Illuminated with bright lights. The ceiling of the dome is white, reflecting the brightness of the light. The chairs and table arranged around a round high podium in the center.

Replicator lined up in the vertical wall of the doom, ready to give each of you the appropriate amount of block of macronutrition, then some pills and a glass of flavored water, they usually sweet. But there's a chance you would get the salty one, or other flavor she never knew how to describe it.

On the podium there was a group of people arranging the sound system, they would perform something maybe singing or reading poetry. She stood there, confused with her own mind. Then she decided to go out when her shoulder got hit by something.


	4. The Truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The most tiring day for her, both mentally and physically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy, and kudos if you like it.

She turned around. It was Nilua, grinning at her. She looked fresh with pink t-shirt and lipstick that matched her look today. Her red wavy hair is pinned half ponytail high upon her head.

“Sup, girl ? You looked like a missing child, you want me to take you to the CC.” she nudged her shoulder again, Zora laughed.

“Yes, please. Not Children Center, but Council Center.” she whispered.

“What happened again now ?” She looked at Zora in disbelief, this girl cannot stand still, can she ? Fortunately she is lovely to her.

“No. It's not me. Let's sit.” she said, pointed at a nearby chair.

“What is it ? If you told me they refuse your suggestion because it's against the protocol, then for the last time I got to tell you here is better than being a slave, Zora. I cannot believe you always looking for their weakness. And stopped reading conspiracy theory !” Nilua started to nagging again, she thought. Her inner motherly instinct told her to get away from bad thing.

“No, please. Listen. It's about what happened yesterday. You remember the Red alert yesterday right ? Good. So I hear an explosion near the north forest of harvest site. I think someone has come here. Someone found our colony. I overheard the Chairman Steve when walk to here. They said about Thermoscan, intruder. But he talked with David Babrik. And he is a miner. It's strange right ?” she explained to Nilua with her last breath. The Orion girl just open her mouth, terrified. But still couldn't belief this girl explanation very well.

“What ? That's impossible no one can survive out there without air support.” she denied, honestly confused the air filter word with air support for newborn baby at nursery. Zora looked at her with one eyebrow lifted.

“Romulan can. The Federation can. Maybe they finally want to explore here.” she said with the same pressure in each word.   
If the Romulan empire found their missing peoples here it would mean death for them. So'rhn and her brother, and any Romulan would die. If it was the Federation, they would want to negotiate with them to relocate. After everything they'd built down here.

“But, you said he talked with Babrik so maybe it's the matter of mining thing.” She said again but doubted her own word. 

“Yeah, I hope so too.” She admitted quietly. Nilua nodded, relieved. 

But, something is clearly not as usual. Their colony will act like a slug whenever such threat comes. Long before Babrik appointed as Head of Mining Shift, the miner used to brought their mine products through the tunnel, it was a busy road. But, after they had built the new tunnel for wagons. The one that no one has come before, unless they are in Mining shift. 

Then no one will know how much they actually mine for a day. Because Mining shift is the longest shift, maybe they store it somewhere. But, it must be a very large storage, because the Synthesizer was never stop making alloy compounds. But, they clearly sent the product somewhere right after they finished synthesizing. 

Zora was deep in her mind, while Nilua sat there looking at her, stunned. It was her thing to be aware about the situation around. Honestly, She could sense the tension on the way here. Even now she could sense Zora's stress too. She could have complain but this girl will just ignored it, she rolled her eyes. Then the bell rang. Echoed in to the doom.

Nilua spotted So'rhn at the entrance, and waved at her. So'rhn immediately walked towards them, her straight midi utility skirt was neat with blue t-shirt that hugged her thin figure perfectly, her black hair was so straight cut in blunt bob with impeccable style. 

“What you girls up to ?” So'rhn said, her voice was so delicate. But when you look at her eyes you would find pride in it. So Romulan thing, Nilua thought. Clearly she was the prettiest girl in the colony. 

“We want to eat, aren't we Zo ?” Nilua nudged Zora with her finger. The girl was looking at her then at So'rhn that sat across them.

“Yeah, yeah. Let's eat ! But, So'rhn, did your brother at his quarter yesterday ?” She stopped her body from turning and comeback to sit.

“Yes, I saw him entering his quarter. Why ?” she asked Zora again with the same curiosity. Nilua rolled her eyes again, it was early morning, and she would hate to use her pheromone.

“You guys, we should queue.” She said weakly.

“All night ?” Zora asked, realized So'rhn was confuse about where this question would end. Did Zora find her brother interesting ? She never said about crushing someone though.

“I'm not sure, I'm inside my quarter as well. Deeply sleeping. No dreams or whatsoever.” In case she was wondering as she usually very abstract with her next question, and she was starving.

“Then there's a chance he is outside last night.” She said with completion. Then follow her friends walked towards the replicator. 

“Why are you asking me about Na'jhs ? Do you like him ?” She asked her when they in the middle of walking. Zora looked at her in disbelief. So'rnh became more confuse. Did she made a mistake by pointing that out ?

“No, So'rnh. Oh my god. It's because he is a miner.” She explained, afraid So'rhn will offended. She usually very stern, but she was one with a good heart. She knew the worse Romulan at Combat Training. Maybe that just how they were.

“What's with that ?” She was most curious now.

“You know I think the Mine we know is not really about mine thing.” She was nearly whispering to her. So'rhn furrow her upturned brow, her v ridges became more prominent.

“Another conspiracy theory ?” she asked rhetorically.

“Kinda.” She admitted, then opened the replicator lid, avoided her two friends piercing eyes.

“Told ya.” Nilua whispered to her, jokingly. Showed off her white teeth, then sat at her chair.

Zora sat across the two of them. Looked at her stack of block, and chose to drank her water first. Today it is sweet, too sweet, as if they have to do more work after given more glucose.

The NS was cramped up with people. The show upon the podium started to play. They were band. A group of a Human male, a male Ferengi guitarist, and an Andorian clutching some cylinder with some strings, they didn't know its name. But they were pleasant, the human male clearly singing, some earth language but it was not standard.

As people started to took their seat the beat became more intense, but it was not hardcore that hurt Zora's heart like one night at third period, they had been singing so loud, with screaming and shouting. Some people stood around the podium and dance, but she wanted to flipped out.

The melody was flowing like water shower, intense and gave her new energy. It was a good entertainment for started the day.

“They're fantastic, right girls ?” Xena sudden appearance almost startled them, she was in her green ruffle t-shirt with khaki asymmetric mini utility skirt. Her curly light brown hair was in high bun. There was black eyeliner in her eyelids, accentuate her green eyes. She slammed her tray then sit beside Zora, gracefully. They nodded in unison.

“So what about our show ? What will we do up there ? Nilua, any idea ?” She was so enthusiastic this morning. 

“Dance ?” Nilua answer. Xena pointed out at So'rnh.

“Singing ?” So'rhn answered. Not quite sure herself. Xena nodded appreciatively. Then moved her attention to Zora.

“Read a poetry ?” Xena thought a while, not sure, but then nodded.

“What about we do all of your idea ? I'm a good leader, so I listen to you all. What do you all think ?” she lifted her eyebrow several times.

“I don't know, Xe. It looks like a lot of works.” Nilua started her word with pleading gaze.

“Yeah, I think so too.” Zora added quickly, didn't want to imagine the practice they should do.

“We should pick one and move forward.” So'rhn catched up. She got to attend Romulan Culture Club, there would be someone given birth around that time. Even if there wouldn't be one, she can use it for practicing the ritual.

“Oh, you guys. It will be fun, easy, and quick. Just leave it to me.” and she started her first bite. The other three shared pointed look, surrendered. That was a lesson, in the other time they would discuss it first before throwing an answer to Xena. Zora stared at Nilua with scowl, she always did her pheromone skills to her but not in time when its needed like now. Nilua looked at her with questioning look. Zora rolled her eyes at her.

“What about the costumes ?” Xena remembered, looking at the three of them. They shared a look again, in one expression. Do not ruin this one. Zora and So'rhn would afraid to wear too revealing clothes as what Xena and Nilua often wore. Nilua was afraid the color would not be complementing to her green skin.

“What about we discuss it later, at second period or the third ?” Nilua suggested.

“I agree.” So'rhn said immediately. Zora hesitated.

“What about third period ? We can see other show together.” Xena half stated. Second period usually did not provide with entertainment.

“I don't think I can.” Zora said quietly. They looked at her with demanding gaze.

“You know, Alex from Tech Sift ask me to sit with him at that time.” She was embarrassed, blushing uncontrollably. Xena chuckled, Nilua lookes at her with her naughty look, while So'rhn looked surprised, I thought she interested with Na'jhs. Well, it doesn't matter. She is thought. 

“Congratulation.” So'rhn said, she never said that to the other two because they were constantly changing their partner, enjoying the diversity of their colony, just like herself.

“Oh my god, Zora. Really ? When ? Why ? How ?” Xena asked without patience like always. Zora told them her story. Started from when she was scare alone in the lavatory until when she came back to her quarter.

“I don't know the guy, is he new ?” Nilua's turn to asked, it's true though, he was a newcomer.

“Yes, but he is the one who programmed the latest learning app. So, pretty contributing, right ?” She bragged about him again.

“Oh, that's why I spotted him at the mine sector yesterday. Maybe we will have new miner robot y'all.” Xena said happily, but Zora was dumbfounded.

“You're in Mining Shift ?” She almost yelled. Clearly it was not a happy yell. Xena realized her changing tone, suddenly lost her happy demeanor.

“Yeaah. Look at this, they just give it to me this morning, I have to walk so far to get there, that's why I'm late. Not to mention yesterday I walked there to take an ID picture. Oh, my legs hurts.” She answered it with long explanation but more than happy to do so. So'rhn and Nilua congratulated her.

“But, you barely recovered from your incident. How ?” She said, her temper boiled. Her skin was still in healing process. And clearly it was as bad as her mild heart problem or even worse, she had been skinned alive. Even from the hem of her t-shirt she could see her pink new skin glistened like an open wound.

“Abbe recommended me to them. He said I will be helpful.” She answered, hardly swallowed her bite. Zora looked at her in disbelief, as if she wouldn't be helping in there and just running around making troubles. While Zora was so angry she wanted to smash her tray to the nearby wall, but she held her anger just fine. Until her next statement slapped her mentally.

“But, Abbe said nothing to me. How could he already recommended you to them ?” Zora was not thinking further about what she had said. Still building an anger towards him. 

“I don't know if you worried about me. But, you just envy me, Zora. Oh, yeah. I know you wanted to go to the Mine shift, but you couldn't. Why ? Because you overestimate yourself. You can't do everything, everyone can do that just fine, or even better. If you think I did not deserve this. Then you are wrong.” She said with her trembling voice. She sounded like a child. Damn it. 

Xena has had enough, can she just for one second regarded her achievement and just congratulated her without questioning any further. She always underestimated her. 

Zora looked at her, surprised, as if she had been struck by a lightning. Beside her confessions that hurt her badly, there was truth laying in it. Her face flushed red, before he could snap at her, her throat choked. 

“Oh, is that what you think ?” she asked weakly, but with too much confident.

“Yes, just because you saved me once, it didn't make you better than me. Well, Abbe chose me. He knows.” Xena felt every word before she realized it. Zora's expression became darker. She now wanted to slam that fragile skin with her bare hands. But she became stiff. Not once she had been being hit by facts that hard, even when she knew her last name was same as Xena's. 

How dare she pointed that out. She stood and walked towards the nearby bin, dumped her leftovers. Left them with surprised look.

Nilua hadn't been watching them fighting before. It was nasty. So'rhn didn't want to intervene. It was better not to judge by choosing who was wrong. But she could have seen the emotion in Xena and the anger in Zora was like no other. They sat there speechless.

Xena was still mad, but deep down she knew she was being outrageous. By the night she would be hardly sleeping after this. She felt guilty already. 

Zora ran down the tunnel like a scared girl. She turned to the less crowded corridor and let her tears fell. She had never been hurt this bad. She felt the shortness of her breath like a tight grip around her chest. She tried hard to hold back. She hiccupped.

Why was she becoming a cry baby ? She has never cried this easy. She calmed herself, after this she will crash on to Abbe. Yeah, she will punch the old man on the nose. He would have been hiting her back. But, the hell with her.

Everyone got their permanent shift a long time ago. Nilua, So'rhn and now Xena. They would be busy doing things they like, while she was rumming around like a lost child. Waiting for someone to choose for her. 

She always thought Abbe cared for her. More than any senior citizens in here. She always had been a hardworking assistant for him, so that someday he wouldn't mind writing a recommendation letter for her. But he chose Xena, over her, although they had the same health concerns. The hell with him. She needn't no one to worry about her damned self.

She walked to Abbe quarter. He got a walking disorder long time ago. He was never going anywhere but his quarter and the Synthesizer Center. He maybe at his quarter now. She would break in and then what. Crying for a Health Statement letter ? That might work.

Nora opened the door when she rang his bell. Watched her with curious look, as her face was red and there were tears in her eyes.

“Come in.” She said, she had taken care of Abbe since his health worsened. She entered with stomping steps. Abbe was drinking his water, now ought to look at Zora's sulky face. 

“What is it ?” His low voice filled the room. He never liked watch her angry expression. She was just like a different person for him.

“You recommended Xena to Mining Shift.” God, she couldn't make it like less snitchy.

“Yes, I did. “ He said, then move his filled spoon to his mouth. Like it wasn't a problem at all. Nora was looking at them with worried expression.

“Then I guess I would have mine.“ Zora said boldly. Abbe looked at her with questioning look. 

“Not yet, Zora. I still want to see your persistence and loyalty to your colony.“ He said with lighter voice than before. Zora frowned.

“How am I supposed to do so that you know I am loyal to our colony ? You always said that to avoid having to tell me the truth. What is it Abbe, that you want to hide from me?” She asked bolder than ever. Abbe hesitated, with the problem up there should he be telling her now ?

“Is it that I am related to Xena ? Or is it because Xena is your daughter ?” She stood straighter. Well, this one she knows for sure. Abbe looked surprise, but still in his mild surprised expression. One time she saw him so surprised he tumbled from his chair. Nora was looking at her sympathetic. She was still so far from the truth.

“Zora, there is something you should know.” Abbe has decided to told her. 

“Abbe, no.” Nora was reaching him, trying to stop him. Zora was most curious.

“Am I your daughter too ?” she was skeptical, Abbe winced, then shook his head. He looked at Nora first then to Zora.

“Not that close.” He said. Tried to buy some times. Well, Zora is not that patient.

“It's not that important, is it ?” she said, became weaker than before she entered.

“You are important, more important than me if I could say. You know child, this fact might surprise you. But, you must remembered that I did not have bad intentions towards you, neither did the colony.” He looked at her intensely. The intensity that could turn air into a rock. So she begans to tense herself. Her heart was beating like crazy. Is she a child of the exiled queen or what ? Why is she important ? Alex said so at the lavatory. She thought he was blabing or just flirting. Abbe cleared his throat.

“You are a clone.” he said, her heart skipped a beat. What ? A clown ? No, it's not that, what is that mean ? Is he for real ? She looked at him in confusion. He handed her his padd.

A holo of mid twenties woman looking like her with bob curled black hair stood in a red shirt dress, with starfleet logo on it. She didn't look like Abbe, the aura emitted from her holo was nothing but softness, delicate, and concord. Abbe with those rock-hard gaze and a foot like he had been coming home from war. She stood there looking like fragile fairy while having her face and body, she shook. This lady was so different from her. She wanted to ask who is it, why is she look like her ?

“My sister, Mary Adelaide Lodner. She was a law graduate and Starfleet lieutenant. She was obliged to be in Starfleet as it was the time of war. The Romulan War. She used to be a voluntary lawyer so maybe she had a financial problem as well. It was my fault, I had been running away from home, left her with our quarrelsome parents. She was an activist, killed at 38th years of her life. Young and naive.“ He sighed deeply, the emotion was building in his heart filled with guilt and remorse. Zora listened, what an ideal person she was. She couldn't be her. She might want to be. But his sister may not want her did that.

“You could say I killed her. So I wanted to revive her. You are made from what I had last in hand. With the help of Nora you can develop in to a baby.“ He moved his eyes from her patronizing gaze. It's like having Addie looking at him all over again. 

_Oh, Abbe why did you that ?_

_Oh, Abbe what have you done?_

He shook his head and slurped his drink. His hand trembled.

Zora was speechless, tried to digest the information. Her head throbed, her heart felt empty. Nora clearly noticed her emotions written on her face like an announcement.

“We don't want you to be like her, you are your own person.” Nora touched her shoulder, always being motherly to her.

“I think I just need some times.”  
Abbe glanced up at her. Zora drag her foot to exited from his door. Walking slowly upstairs to her own quarter. Didn't remember to go to Children Center anymore. 

She opened her door and closed it. Her body filled with confuse energy. She was laying on her floor, unable to walked to her bed. The intensity of her heartbeat was weakening.

She wanted to scream, she wanted to run somewhere. What is it with her existence ? What's the meaning of her if she was just some duplicate of someone. She wanted to ask Abbe to make other clone, it may be done things better than her. Xena words strucked her again.

She was unable to cry or felt her body as she got existential crisis. Her hair splayed on the floor. Whatever energy that filled her this morning left her as an empty shell. Her eyes locked at the ceiling. The only sound she cared was only her unstable heartbeats. Is she going to die ? Why does she even alive ? Then she hugged herself. Outside her door the guards were running around.

***

Steve Chang was stiff on his chair. Down in to the mine sector where the radio communicator was located. The colony got caught. Now he had to appear as calm as possible. Although he was not calm at all, his sweat was dripping here.

He tried to communicate with the intruder so that he might know their intentions. Asking nicely before the war happened. He cleared his throat. He never imagined what was fear to happen. Although he trained for this most of his life.

“Our colony is not harmful, what brings you here ? Over.”

The sound repeated several time by now. But they never responded back. Steve thought of some possibilities.

If they were an independent colony, they might want to negotiate with him, even if they attacked they could do counter attack.

If they were from official planet representative then negotiate was their only way.

If they were from the federation it could be worse, even if they defense themselves it would be solely a suicide attempt. There was no chance of winning if they should have to war with them.

After the sun set they could do some elimination of which species stood up there.   
It has been six hours, the radio still broadcasting the same words over and over.

Steve was sleepy, he ate his second period meal at this very installation. Deep in the ground. Most of their shuttles parked here, the colony only knew two official shuttles. The view of them peeking from the glass windows of his office. There were plenty of exits door here. He could easily escape without difficulty. Their strategy to appear humble was to make their life here easier to live, as they would have been hard-working and grateful. Spoiling them will only make their colony no different with the federation. 

David Babrik walked toward him, held his safety helmet in one hand. 

“Sir, our shuttle caught a glimpse of their ship.” He jerked his head and regarded him. 

“Tell me more about that !” He said, looked at the major with wide eyes. 

“One of the crew had just come back from the dock, and he informed me he saw what appear to be stranded spaceship. Their system is online, but the engine is probably broken.” David looked down now, the chairman didn't like uncertain information. He was reaching for his large padd in his bag and handed it to him.

“The thermoscan caught their species, sir. It was either Vulcan or a Romulan. Other possibilities is it was another species that are feverish.” Steve closed his eyes, he could picture himself yells at him. This information is close to nonsense. But he was very tired right now, so he excused him and back to his deep thought.

If their ship is online, they'd be able to communicate with their kind and asking for help. Attacking them may not be a very wise decision.

But their engine is probably broken, so they must have ask for help. They may ask their colony soon. The instant generator that using photon as an energy doesn't work well in this planet. So they might want to save their energy. 

If they could survive with limited energy and certainly limited oxygen supply inside their ship, they may be no other species than the vulcanoid one. So it is Romulan or Vulcan.

He was the war victim, he was facing the Romulan himself, if they were indeed Romulan there won't be other than the Romulan empire, as runaways Romulan will not brave enough to scan some colony remembering so much hatred other species felt toward their races, most peoples are very stereotypical, if they were Romulan empire they would have blast them all last night, at the time they got their various species scanned.

So they were Vulcan. How coincidence, he thought. His weapon was ready.

His finger tapped his chin, another finger rested in his full cheek, as new thought entered his mind. 

He relaxed now.

***

Alex sat on one of the chair that facing the entrance, his hand was ready to wave whenever Zora caught by his eyes. But it had been 15 minutes he waited her. The third period would be over in another 15 minutes.

The nourishment center filled with music that saddens his mood. A piano-forte played by Klingon woman must be a great entertainment. The melody is romantic, should be match with what they would be doing. Is this how she rejected him ? So cruel, she could have say no at the first place, but she must be hungry for skipping her third periods meal.

The music became more melancholy, atune with his mood. He had been repairing her padd all day, skipped his second period meal. Now it chimed, full of new notifications, mocked him in anyways possible.

Should he broke her phone now, as she didn't fulfill the agreement. He finished his food, as he swallowed his disappointment. Suddenly it was earth all over again. Being left out and ignored. 

He missed home when he saw her, reminded him of familiarity and kindness that she was.  
He was surprised when he saw her at the first time. The rumors that someone had stolen Adelaide Lodner DNA was right all the time. There she was stood before him, with an amazed look when he demonstrated the repairment of long broken tricorder.

He would have staring at her at Tech Shift, walked over her again and again. Trying to caught her gaze. Unfortunately, they had never be alone. Until last morning. He had imagined how he would ask her for a date, but lived in this colony made his option limited. 

He heard someone humming, trying to ease her fear. He was most surprised. She took her spot next to him. His heart beating like crazy, he surprised her. It was fun. Now he would have one T-shirt that smelled like her.

The bell rang, and he stood to walked and put his tray on the counter. He stopped at the entrance until the last person exited. She wouldn't have been coming. She maybe forgot or did some important stuff. He walked out, felt his disappointment in maximum level.


	5. Shall I come ?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xena was trying to apologise.  
> Chang was being serious.

Xena was hesitated to rang her bell. She then walking around outside her door. 

She had thought, that what she had said was terrible, it was true that she felt insulted but to lashed out like that only made things worse. She felt so bitchy and childish at the same time. Who knew what she was thinking, she was always spontaneous. Her heartbeat increased, she wanted to run away.

She had been thinking of it all day, she wanted to apologize at second period, but she couldn't find her at the NS. Then she hoped she would meet her at third period, but she knew she had a date. So here she was, looking at her door like some locked out roommate.

Her finger rested on the bells button, never pushed it. She knew what to do but still afraid of how she would respond. She would want to punch her like she always did whenever she was angry, and she would let her do that. She owed her a lot, took care of her at their days in CC, taught her when she was ashamed to ask, saved her life from those damned poisonous grass. Ugh, she was so ungrateful.

Her finger had pushed the button before she even realised. She almost yelped in surprised. But the door remained shut. She pushed the bell again, waited little longer before tried again. No response, if she was wrong judged her character, she would not resist her intentions to apologize. Her face would clearly displayed in her comm now. Is she ignored her ? Yeah, she might do that, remembered her temper. 

“Zora... It's me Xena, please open the door ! I wanna talk.” she tried to sound sorry, as she had never said such thing to her.

Whenever they argued they would have ignored each other and by the next day they would get along again, like nothing happened. She might not have waited long enough. She pushed her bell once more and waited. That's it, she would try again tomorrow. Hopefully she would have her burning head cooled down.

**Abroad T'Janikrel**

  
The message from the stranded Science ship arrived. They informed them that the colony responded with a radio broadcasts, stated that they are unharmful, and wanted to know what they are coming for. 

V'Karr was trying to remain expressionless, but he felt irritated. He had always been having trust issues, although it was logical that the colony is limited in access of weaponry or even common technology as they lived independently on dangerous place. Not to mention the threat of Cardassian and Xindi attack. The amount of concentration that they have to focus on would be huge. So, it was logical to conclude they were merely a developing colony. 

He didn't want to admit that he felt afraid of what might wait on there. It was possible that his approaching Pon Farr was affecting him. Recently he was yelling at his secretary for taking too long to prepared his meal. Him from all Vulcan in the ship that he could throw his rage at. He must have found out his emotional state by now. The way he was brooding all day at his office. Even now when the minister was ordering him to inform the stranded crew to communicate with the head of the colony, and informed them their condition at the time but to kept their purpose of going there by themselves. He realized he frowned all the time.

“Are you decent, V'Karr?” He asked, sounded more sympathetic to him. V'Karr tried to control his expression as plain as possible but failed. Vulcan do not lie anyway.

“Apologies, minister. I think it is the symptoms of my Time that affects me.” He hesitated to continue his word.

“Say it away, V'Karr. You are on duty, and Vulcan government will provide for your need.” The minister was always sensitive towards his person. But, he didn't know what he wanted either. He shook his head. 

“I will inform you if we need anything, minister.” He wanted to walk away, locked himself at his quarter, continued his brooding until the end of time. 

“Live long and prosper, Vice minister.” Solak did the taal and so was V'Karr. Then, the communication ended. 

He walked to his chair, sent the message to the stranded crew, after added some details such as, 

Ask for their citizens list, including holo of each of them. 

Then he returned to his slouching position. He changed his mind, being on Vulcan was better than being here, with nothing to distract him, he could feel emptiness crept in his chest. He closed his eyes. 

His secretary, is at the same clan as he is, so does V'Linn. He would report his condition to his clan if he continued his brooding, being emotional and illogical. The thought of it churned his stomach. He sat erect on his chair, focusing on his private padd, displayed a Terran orchid sticked to a dark tree stem. Why was he staring at this picture? Oh right, to tricked V'Zaan so that he appeared normal. 

He is his first cousin, while V'Linn is his fifth cousin. T'Elvin was from other clan, and Adelaide was a human from earth. His mind was out of focus, wandering around his memory. He was attacked by sudden anger and hatred clawing at his chest. It will be better after he gets some sleep, he said that to himself. Somehow realize he'd been pretending all day, even to himself.

**At Threxxa Planet**

Steve woken up by a loud sound of the radio. It was the reply. He was still hazy from his sleep but his ears caught every word of it. 

“We are from Vulcan Science Academy, our ship stranded in your planet, and we may need your assistance. Over.”   
Ah, the students, he thought. 

“We are willing to help. Our people will came to pick you up. We are underground colony, you cannot find it from the surface. Over.”

“If we may ask who we are talked with? We might want all of your citizens data. Over.”  
Of course, Vulcan is very cautious.

“I am Steve Chang, retire Starfleet admiral. Unfortunately, our citizens data is confidential. Over.” Steve waited for their answer nervously. 

“Would you mind to come to pick us up yourself ? Over.”   
It reminded him of his children, the old good memories.

“Yes, it would be my pleasure. Over.” he said, he stood and exited from his office. Called A'torr instead of Babrik, it's for the publicity. He walked through the turbolift, it ended in the Council Center. From there he would walk through the tunnel to the Security Center to pick A'torr and his troops. Or it would be better if he just brings A'torr without any more guards. Yes, it would be looking more diplomatic.

A'torr was just finishing his morning routine, polishing his ridges across his face when Steve called him. He growled in irritations. That man always wants him when he was the least wanted him. He put on his clothes and his boots, then exited his quarter. 

Steve watched him from afar, he had stood in front of the Security Center for 15 minutes and now he was pissed off. That's why he preferred Babrik, he remembered. The tunnels was deserted. It's too early for them to starts the day. The chilly temperature makes his muscles stiff. The Vulcans might get frostbite down here.

“Mr. Chang.” A'torr nodded.

“Come, they have waited for us.” He said, started to walk to the main gate.

He wore a thick jacket made from polymer so there's no need to put on the protection suit, however the Vulcan would want to see him as whole. A'torr skin is so thick it doesn't need protection against the poisonous plant, but their gas would knock him out in the matter of minutes, so both of them used some air filter that covered his face. The Klingon usually prohibited to be on the surface before the sunrise. 

Steve drove one shuttle and A'torr on the other one. The Vulcan's location is near the dark side, maybe it's already dawn there. Hope they didn't see anything.

Thin white mist was layering the air. The blueness of the forest as it background. The sky stayed dark like always before the dawn, but the rays of the red sun started to spread, coloring the sky lighter blue with a splash of purple.

Their shuttle was hoovering above the highest branches tried to catch the glimpse of Vulcan Ship. It was not a hard task, the Ship destroyed large portion of the northeast harvest sector during its landing, dragged down the steep surface and ended up near the acidic lake. The shiny silver steel of the ships gigantic body caught his gaze.

“Fucking Vulcan.” Steve cursed, they would get a difficulty with that later, the trees is their main food source. He landed the shuttle not far from the ship, A'torr shuttle landed not long after that. The Vulcans are outside their broken ship probably two hundred peoples, Steve walked towards them while A'torr followed behind him.

“Greetings ! Welcome to Threxxa.” Steve said loudly, not forgetting his taal. One Vulcan moved forward to reply his taal. 

“Greetings, Mr. Chang. I am Kovik, the captain of this ship.” He said with monotone voice, brought his hand to his back.   
Vulcan's pride, Steve thought. He was smiling to him, showing off his humanity. Then asked him.

“May I know what you up to?”

“Unfortunately, our purpose its own by Vulcan government and it's required confidentiality.” His answer was rather blurred. But, he guessed Steve would understand and not ask him furthermore.

“Ah, of course, I'm not curious.” that was a lie, he is dead curious.

“But, only if you could promise it wouldn't bother our peaceful life in here.” Steve lockes his eyes to the Vulcan above him. He is so tall, he thought.

“Affirmative, Mr. Chang. Our arrival here was unexpected. We have no intention toward your colony. We might want you to help us.” He replied, well he knew pretty well Vulcan do not lie. He used to live alongside them. But, anyone could lie if needed. He was part of the federation, he used to lie a lot. Make promises here and there. 

“We will be happy to help. Come, our place is not far from here.” He invited him to enter his shuttle. 

Then the first group left, they would do that for nine times. The shuttle had been used to loading tons of yields, the Vulcan and their luggage is quite light. 

They would enter from the main gate, Romulan guards waited them.They slightly tensed, refuse to regard each other. However, their war is not over yet. The Cold War.

Romulan was still pissed with the fact that Vulcan's ancestor kicked their ancestors out of planet. While, Vulcan couldn't reciprocate their emotional feeling but rather reflects their attitude towards them.

A'torr giggled inside his air filter, the fact that they look the same but dislike each other is funny for him, just like Gorn babies fighting over their mom attention, but who is their mom. He laughed. 

Steve was busy talking with Kovik, the guards came to replace him to park the shuttle.  
A'torr and Steve got out from the shuttle and escorted them go the NS. 

“We might be not a very advanced colony, but we are the proud one.” He said, as the gate opened.


	6. The Emotions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone got their own thoughts, their own emotion, for their own episode in life.

Tech shift was crowded with people, like always. Alex has been waiting for this days to come. He is eager to meet Zora. That girl is lost, never showed up anywhere. He settled on his seat, computer still on but untouched. He had his focus somewhere else. His hand is wet from precipitation, make it slippy while he was fidgeting tiny part of her padd. That's right, he tried to rerepaired it, if that make any sense, but clearly his head did not please watching that square thing laying around making noises.

The problems about her padd were actually pretty simple, it got broken maybe because of excess voltage. The memory chip inside is in good condition, but the processor was out of order and any wire in it burned, the ion battery exploded. So he could only save her processor and chip but dump the rest to the nearby recycle bin, but he was good to reprogram her processor as it manage all of her information in here, name, tasks, record, free scedule, health scan, credits, pretty much as informed as herself. Forget DNA or retina recognition, people in here using this to scan here and there, to take supply, to use shuttle, to enter some places. He could say he is holding her life now. 

He was planning to get busy with her padd while she would come to him. But the sight of her was null. He installed the last piece of the padd and glanced at the crowd one last time. Then he grabbed soldering iron and continued his other stalled project. When he noticed a small black square shape he forgot to install.

Then his mind relled, he respected her privacy but certainly, she wouldn't have given her padd to him if it was contain some hugger-mugger, even if it is he wanted to know more instead. Beside, he wished to know her better, maybe some read at her record would be enough. 

***

Xena was desperate, she had been pushing that bell until his finger ache, as her skin is still delicate and fragile. She even yelled her name several times. But, the door had shut since probably yesterday, when she left. Is she really mad until lock herself to avoid her? That's not fair, they could have talked, figured out each other mistake. But, who was the one who become a child now ? Running away from problem.

She was being too much. She is human, she had plenty of mistakes, her brain is not superior so that she could always remember where her sensitive heart is. Did she just thought that? She must be very impatient.

"Zora, open the door! I'm sorry!" Xena yelled. It was a tiring day, and she didn't go to NS for her second period meal yet. She was hungry, angry. She was hangry. She knocked her door hard with her fist.

"Zora open it! I know you're in there!" 

That's it, she should've known her better, her temper is awful. And this was the worst she has seen her being angry. Shut the world and did whatever she done in there. She must have attended her new job at Mining Shift, she turned on her padd. When she was pissed with the sight of her, it would be better if she tried to apologise via message.

"Zora, please don't be mad at me. I was wrong called out to you like that. Please, come out so we can talk." She sent the message, then walked away.

Turns out she still got time for going to the NS and eat her meal. Unlike last morning when their first period meal delayed because there were newcomers coming. People were cramped through the tunnel, tried to catch a sight of them. Xena was asleep at her quarter. Her work at Mine Shift exhausting her, plus it is so far from her quarter. Xena was eating when someone stood across her seat. 

"You are Xena?" It is a man, neat in appearance and his skin is brown naturally from the sun, people in here mostly never touched by sunlight. She gulped her food loudly, nodded to him because her mouth still chewing. 

"Then you must know Zora, please give this to her. Say it had done." He put a padd on her table. Then he turned his heel and walked away with his tray. Well, that was weird. Xena thought. She didn't know him, but he is pretty cool. Xena blushed. She was easy to fall in love, but at that moment she realised he could be her destiny. She should have eaten more graceful. Then the bell rang, and she stood with her tray. Zora's padd is save at her pocket. Now how could she give that to her.

***

Zora rolled at her stomach, then pushed her knee to support her body. Her head dizzy, her stomach hurt, her face slick from tears. She was trying to stand, felt her feet tremble because lack of energy. When she looked at the mirror her hair is a mess. Tangled, sticking to her face.

She remembered all of the schedule she had missed and suddenly become more exhausted. Well, she would get detention. Her heart is numb, while what her body feel is just pain. She drank water from her sink, then went to her bed.

She feel useless, and she wanted to be something. Something that could help people, she did. Mary Adelaide Lodner was. But, she wasn't. What is she ? All of those tears couldn't help her figuring out. It is still hurting her, the fact that Abbe couldn't trust her, in spite of she is his creation. It must be because she is Zora. Not what he meant to be. Because Zora is useless.

Well shame on Abbe. It wasn't her fault that she grown up become herself. It was his, because he had expected her to be someone she is not. 

The hell with Abbe and his stupid brain. She was imagining punching the old man and punched her pillow instead. Throwing anything she could reach. Then cried out loud. She is so angry with him. She is so angry being on this tunnel with its people. She passed out.


	7. Would You Ask Later ?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything's going to be alright. How easy to say to the world at war.

She woke up minutes later, the sky still dark out of her windows. She couldn't feel her legs and arm for a moment, her muscle was stiff. Then she got a pin and needle all over her body. She laid still, screaming mentally unable to move her lips. Her head was dizzy, spinning the room. She tried to close her eyes but the pain intensified, she was inhaling deeply after realizing that it ease the pressure in her head. Her pulse banging between her ears.

She checked her emotion with thinking about Abbe, she is still upset with him but didn't want to kill him anymore. When she could feel her limbs and legs she was trying hard to sit. Her room is a mess, broken glass was all over it, pillow and blanket was on the floor, holos and table flipped. She remembered she was so angry.

 _You know what, I'm a clone. Whatever it is, but I'm gonna live my life in my own way. Even if somebody doesn't know who Zora is or if they called her Mary Lodner. Just be it. It doesn't matter anymore. Abbe sister is dead and I'm still alive. She was never my opponent and life is not a competition._ She thought.

By that time her foot was on the floor. When her spirit comeback to her, her doorbell rang.

“Zora !” It's Xena.

Zora stood and walked to the door but her foot trembled hard, and she couldn't reach the lock. The quarter had soundproofing system. But they don't have computerized system that could recognize your voice order. Besides, they would need a lot of energy and resources for that.

“Zora I got your padd, I will open the door. Please, don't be mad at me.” Xena turned off the intercom and scan Zora padd, the door splayed open. She caught Zora sight. She sat up near the door.

“Xena...” Her voice was raspy, her hair was like a nest. Her room was worse than hers at her busiest day. 

“Damn, Zora. What happened to you ?” Xena rushed to her, she hugged her and help her to stand up. 

“You.. mis...stood.” She said, her voice cracked into a breath. Xena barely understand what she was trying to say. Even Zora didn't realize it.

“I'm sorry, I was mean to you. I wasn't supposed to said that.” Xena said while her hand filling a glass with water from her sink. She gave it to her, she drank it all. 

“You're so cold.” Xena touched her bare skin. She took the blanket on the floor and cover it to her body.

“You were trashing yourself because of me ?” She asked, they were on her bed. Xena hugged her back, she realized Zora is smaller than she.

“No, I was mad at Abbe.” Tears run down her face like rain. She couldn't even talk. Xena hugged her tighter, rested her chin to her shoulder. She won't say a thing. She whispered to herself.

“Abbe said I'm a clone.” Final dam broke. Xena couldn't believe her ears. She broke her own word. 

"What ?”

“l was his sister, she had been murdered. He must have tried hard to make me.” Zora hugged her foot, the emotion reappeared making her wobbled.

“What the frick ? He said that to you, maybe he was high on drugs.” She wasn't expecting her to cry, she is ready to get hit. 

“Nora was there, and I don't think he was high at all.”

“I'm so sorry, Zora...” But, Xena got a mingled feeling about it. It's fucked up. Her life is basically pretentious and a lie. But, she is not like that. She was always keeping herself away from spotlight. On the other hand being a clone from someone would certainly bring her more potential.

“Should I call Nilua and So'rhn ? They can help to clean this mess.” She tried to make her smile, Zora nodded. Xena pulled out her padd from her pocket and comm the other girls. She took Zora's padd and gave it to her.

“Hey, a guy told me to give this to you, he said it had done.” Xena waved her hand and handed the padd. Shoot, Alex. She completely forgot about him.

“What do you mean? Is it broken?” She checked her padd and found everything is normal, just like how it normally was.

“You know he kinda cool, that man.” Xena was cleaning her mess. Zora tilted her head confuse, she knows Alex right. Is that mean she likes him? Well, that's gone wrong.

“Like he was neat and what can I said, awkwardly captivating.” She knew when she started using fancy words she is serious. She wanted to ask is it Alex that she meant. But, hesitated. She's still hurt, she couldn't take any more pain.

“He must be good at fixing things.” Xena glanced at her padd, with her naughty look. She has been in such distressful situation making her susceptible. She would ask later. This moment is too frail. It would be like stepping on fragile branches. At night. With full head protection. Alone.

Nilua almost jumped on her, So'rhn walked towards her at ease, but she was concern.

“Oh, what happened to you ?” Nilua grabbed her hands, it's cold. Xena explained everything to both of them. 

“I'm sorry for you.” So'rhn touched her shoulder sympathetically, sending warmth to her chilly skin. She touched it smiled at her in gratitude.

While Nilua wept like she never did. She couldn't imagine growing up and knowing that you some sort of products of an experimentation.

That must be devastating. The fact that you're not born as a natural phenomenon, rather created for some purpose. Just like a weapon. Like an object. Guilt overcame her, she has been lying to her all these times. Her pheromone would only affects men not women. And certainly not her. 

“I am so sorry, dear...” Zora looked at her with teary eyes, Nilua looking most sad between four of them. 

“It's alright now, Ni. Thank you. Thank you guys.” Zora hugged Nilua firmly, then Xena and So'rhn joined them.

That night they spent in Zora's quarter. So'rhn suggested to exchange her guards credit that usually higher than the three of them combine with some nutrients at Supply Center. They were eating, watching holofilm, gossiping about this and that, one time they laughed, so loud they didn't hear the alarm rang.

Zora realized it will be harder for her to survive her grieve alone. For one night she forgot about her problems and just enjoyed their company. Her friends, somehow living in these tunnels had made her demanding. But, now she is grateful. They make this place bearable. At least for now.

**Nora's Quarter**

Abbe was reloading his flask from the burrete, the white fluid dropped one at a time. He hated to wait. But, this being is one and only. He couldn't afford to accidentally killed it, as what he had done before. Fortunately, he hasn't merged it with hers yet. He's about to do it. There's little time left. With Zora knows the truth, it shouldn't be harder than if she doesn't. She will, however she merely just a shell for Addie. 

It would be easier if there is people helping him, as when he got the symbionts. Copying their liquid habitat is easy for him. But, to studying their neural connection and eliminate it, was hard. He killed most of them, but finally got one. The one that he nurtured like his own soul. He is optimistic, although there's no way back if this one die like the others. 

He would likely go to the gamma quadrant, people say the member of The Dominion has successfully conducted fast growing clones army. It would be great because he's already old enough for growing a child. But, they are very strict people. It is easier to replicate the symbiont, substitute its nucleus with Addie's neuron nucleus. Stung it a little and voilà. 

He never smiled that wide since Daneb IV massacre, but that night he almost widely grinned as the fluid in the flask rippling and a glint of electrical light emanating from it.

**Abroad T'Janikrel**

V'Karr was in the middle of his meditation session when a horrid scream echoes in his head. His eyes splayed open. It is just like his nightmare. A tingle of fear overran on his skin. Permeated through his katra, taken over his capabilities to control his body. He was trembling on his mat. Was it him ? Was his subconsciousness capable to generates such vibrations that could shake his whole body ?

He murmured suggestions in his head, manually. The shock subsided. The asenoi fume filling his quarter soften his post-shock experience. He should go to the Medical Bay immediately. But, the thought of what information he might get is predictable. He was undergoing his pre-pon farr symptoms. Most Vulcan will be able to meditate it away. He used to be normal before his last three time.

The mental institution said he was depressed. Its lessened his ability to manage his emotion, let alone suppressing it. But he was able to do that all these times, the last year pre-Pon Farr is the toughest.

The thought that it is still months before he could be 'normal' made him angry. He gripped his hand firmly, his blood vessels is visible as his muscle tensed. When the rage episode passed his palm's dark green. It would be better if he could lock himself here. So no one would notice his inadequacy.

He prolonged his meditation until nine hundred. By the time his second eyelid opened he was better. His head has become lighter no longer replaying the screaming since three hours ago. His body relaxed. He stood and drank his water.

His comm chimed.

“Vice minister it's time for meeting, sir.” V'Zaan stood outside his door now, he better get a shower and dressed quicker than usual.

“Have you ready, sir ?” Why he doesn't answer him right away. He was in his sonic shower.

“Sir !” V'Zaan almost shouting. 

“Computer unlock the door but lock the bathroom.” Light click sound responded. Then V'Zaan was standing inside his quarter.

V'Karr's letting him find out where he is. He must've figured out by now. 

“It's Captain Stryk who wanted to meet you before the meeting begin, sir. “

V'Karr stepped out of the shower and looked in a mirror. There is a dark green under his eyes. Strange, as he has felt better than yesterday.

He grabbed his Dermal Regenerator, and started to point that to the skin under his eyes.

“What is the matter he wanted to discuss ?” V'Karr said, the darkness under his left eyes has gone.

“He had found out that there is a wormhole near Xindi's proving ground, that can explain why the Science Ship stranded far from their last destination, in a short period of time.” His hand stopped from moving in front of his face. By Surak, he had been stupid.

He wore his robe in quick motion later found out one of his clasp's open. But, he is high-spirited. Almost briskly walking towards the bridge.

“Stryk, I've set a new course. We are going to the Xindi's proving ground. Change the direction.” V'Karr announced.

Stryk barely stood in his feet. But, he nodded and ordered his pilot to change the direction.

The rumors must be right. The Vice Minister was a Captain, yet he violated the base rule abroad this ship, by not discussing his decision first and acted illogically, as it is his ship, and it is a battleship.

Why would they travelled across the Beta Quadrant with battleships if not to spark a war. Or maybe the rumors is incorrect and the government intended to do so. Stryk's lips shut, he was conflicted. He would ask him later.


	8. His True Self

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> V'Karr's childhood, and his family backstory.

Stryk looked at V'Karr sitting at the head of the desk, he was still young, maybe seven or eight Pon Farr he had passed. He shouldn't have contemplated about the Vice Minister direction without asking approval from the others. Might be there were something he couldn't inform to them. 

“Vice minister, our information regarding the wormhole existence is uncertain. Lieutenant P'Banu merely presumed what might cause the Science Ship traveling so far in a short time. Besides, crossing beta quadrant on a Battleship could create misconceptions between the Vulcan government and other party. You must have remembered that there are Romulan and Klingon dominating this region. It was proved that they were susceptible and indignant towards the federation and its member.” Stryk tried to speak as calm as he could but the emotion rode his control. He gripped his hand together behind his back tightly coupled, he could feel his artery vibrating. V'Karr blinked rather quick. Humiliated by his statement doubting his decision.

“I do not sit here to be insulted. You are indeed the captain of this ship, but you have forgotten your place. I am a vice minister, Mr. Stryk. If the minister was not here it was me who act to replace him.” He put his hand to rest in his chin, undisturbed and controlled. He stared at him from under his lashes. It was poisonous.

He's his subordinate. Stryk gulped audibly, the man clearly have a Vulcan pride more than anyone in this ship. Arrogant. The plutocrat usually is. But they would maintain in adequate situation as they would need to secure their supporters and made alliances. If it's not because his matriarch in hold of power, he wouldn't deserve his place now. 

V'Irra's clan was powerful, many of the member of her household was a famous society member. From politician to Va'tosh Ka'tur leader. The vice ministers father is the firstborn son of V'Irra, he was a former Ministry of Economic and Supplies.

He was introduced to a Va'tosh Ka'tur by a man, her mother fired him upon knowing he followed their beliefs. The rumors said his bondmate death caused him to seek alternative for his Pon Farr, he was lost since then. There was people claimed to see him in some region across Vulcan. But no one reacted. Many believed he had died succumbed in Plak Tow. But, some believed he was well alive after skipping several Pon Farr without resolving it.

The Vice minister was somehow different from tomorrow. More confident and his expression barely imply nothing. Not even a wrinkle between his eyebrow.

“Apologies, Vice minister. But, you may want to reconsider your decision. Our relationship with the two of them is not good.” He said, being more straightforward.

V'Karr blinked slowly, eyes locked at him, inhaled deeply.

“As a battleship captain you should be more valorous, Stryk. War could happen in anytime and anywhere by any reason. Not merely just miscommunication. We will communicate if anything may encounter us. However, We are not come for war.” He said that while softens his gaze. He wouldn't tell Stryk that they have to go because of his intuition told him to. The same intuition that had brought him to danger before. Suddenly he doubted himself. He was so sure before. But, before he changed his mind he stood up, nodded to Stryk and walked out from his quarters. 

He was in good mood, considering to use holodeck to entertain himself. But, later chose to contact the Science Ship captain through the comm in his quarters. But the receiver was unresponsive. He would try for six times, and he began to tense. Maybe the decision to trust the colony was wrong. No ones ever left their padd. Certainly there was something happened there.

Strangely, his desire to reach the planet earlier swelled. Whether the wormhole still open at the time of their arrival. But, he was confident of his assessment, well he had been always confident if its pertaining to travelling the galaxy. 

He had been in Delta quadrant, crossing Romulan border, boldly fired torpedoes towards their cloaked vessels. He never missed.

He had nearly dragged into a blackhole once. Their shield was intact, the warp bubble failed to be formed. There were no thrusters strong enough to keep the ship away from its gravity. But, one had thought to keep the ship 2.6 radius away from the core, stricken by high energy particles from the nearby stars. Fortunately, the shield was able to protect most of the ships part. It was like falling to eternity, suddenly they went circling and flung by a massive force.

It was odd of him to recall this experience, as if his memory blurred. He was aware of his erratic mood before this, as his control was slippery. Grabbing here and there to hold on to something. But this time he could continue his nostalgia about anything but his former bondmate with ease. He was afraid to mention her name, as if it could interrupt his blissfulness. He was even able to keep an eye to V'Zaan once or twice, it was gratifying to order him to do this and that, so he wouldn't have to troubled himself by spying on him. 

Sometimes he made him felt as if he was still a child. Need to be nurtured and kept away from danger. The fact that he was second in charge of Vulcan safety was ironic compared to how his family treated him. A proper child, with a long-lost father having a dark past. Kept him well-alive as a contributive member of society was an act of redemption from his grandmother towards both her son and the public disdaining her clan. 

As usual her logic is infallible. But the firstborn of her firstborn son was proved that he was no different from his father. With him married a human, her clan was clamorous. She proposed that he could save the human as his paramour, and marry a Vulcan female instead. The human would hear nothing about this. But, he objected the offer. He wouldn't play with one's heart. 

V'Irra life became more triumphant after the human had died. She has had feelings that the marriage was short-lived, whether from the momentary love her grandson used to have or an accidental tragedy. She was no evil, she was being logical. The human couldn't bear a child, a perfect full-blooded Vulcan baby. She had no daughter, the only relatives with daughter is V'Tarra, she would pass her belongings to her eventually, so it would be logical to married her to V'Karr.

They were well-suited and seemed agreeable. Just like common Vulcan couple. Didn't live together before ones bear a child, didn't meet occasionally, so that the fire would be long-lasting.

Her son would despise this lifestyle, he claimed to pick his bride himself. Albeit her mother had promised her to a vulcaness when he was seven. He would deny this bond later. Married to a girl from a lower clan he met at school. Even before his Pon Farr occurs. She was a decent woman, but not too healthy apparently. She was died after gave birth to V'Karr. Made him the only child.

V'Nam was named after her father, a top priest at famous monastery in Suk'kunelkar, city in the mountain. But he inherited none of his devotion toward Surak teaching. He was more similar to her bondmate in his behaviour, riotous. Albeit his face reminded her of her mother. Didn't make him inherited her integrity. 

Her second child was more agreeable to her, his entire family would regard her every advice, complied to her suggestions. That's why she always wanted to be near them. They lived a harmonious life. 

V'Karr rejected to live in his family house again. He used to feel he was a disgrace. A tool to prove that V'Irra didn't fail to raise his son's child. A tainted blood. He turned down every offer she gave him. Vulcan Military Academy, because apparently he wasn't good enough to enter Vulcan Science Academy. He went to Starfleet instead. 

First major thing he didn't reject is T'Elvin. He was seven so was she. The girl was not the quiet one, she would ask him this and that while walking around his house. Her robe may not be neatest, but she used that to clean the mess she had done while watering Khaf'svai, the endemic flower of Suk'kunelkar, as green as Vulcan blood. She wasn't the most obedient as well, once her mother asked her to go home she objected, but she was expressive, admitted that she enjoyed his company. He remembered the sensation in his stomach upon hearing that.

But as he had been doomed by his fate, he would accept her offers more often. A job, a bondmate, a will to live. She practically own his life now. He felt like he wasn't himself, what's good capabilities if he couldn't control it. He was so angry at her once, but she said anger is illogical. None of his curse affected her, it would strike him back when he did the forced meditation. Maybe that's why he was seeking comfort from emotional being. He was fine with people expressing it blatantly, he even enjoyed it. But the fear that people would assume he followed his father path stopped him there, being a stoic believer often vacantly.

V'Zaan entered his quarter, he was sitting straight on his chair. Considering probabilities and arrival estimation, writing them down on his wide-screen padd.

“Yes, V'Zaan ?” He asked before he even stopped his walk. Eager to finish his visit.

“The captain has contacted Minister Solak, sir. He didn't appear to be agreed with your decision.” V'Karr stopped his writing, ear tips green.

" Did he mention his premiss ?” He continued his work, without need to look up to his secretary.

“Affirmative, sir. It has been written down in my note. I will send it to you now.” He looked up and shoved his hand, urge him to exit the room. Not long after a message came. It was a long list of disadvantages by travelling on a battleship while approaching Klingon and Romulan territory. He already knew what is these, there was no need to remind him. They would be fine, he could feel it in his gut. As if he had done this before. 

“Send a message to Minister Solak, there is no need to worry about the treats. We will attempt to communicate if anything might go wrong. And told Stryk to go with warp 9.5, warp 5 is too lame. We don't want to linger near the potential enemies.” He heard V'Zaan approving reply. 

The Vulcan had managed to develop their warp factor to 9,9 without damaging the ship and was able to travel safely in it for the past fifteen years. But only used it during an emergency. They somehow didn't want others to know their latest technology accomplishment. Anything could be weapon if it's not Vulcan using it. 

He didn't want to deny that his race xenophobic behaviour was still deep-rooted in his culture. His people still had paranoia despite all of Surak teaching they had learned. The feeling of superiority still prevalent, even in between individuals. One couldn't resist their boss arrogance. But they manage to appear polite towards other cultures especially the federation member, Human, Tellarite, and Andoria. Sometimes it was easier to slip while they were accompanied by Andorian their militaristic spirit is almost as solid as their logic. It was odd they could always arouse their most basic emotions.

Tellarite would not easily agree to their logical response when ever they were in debate. It would be logical if they were most close with them as their basic interest is engineering, and Vulcan prefer science more than anything. But the truth was different. Tellarites is easily angry beside their respect towards Vulcan capabilities in general they seemed not favour them more than they do to Andoria. The humans are the neutral zone, they were similar to a bridge. Sometimes they were afraid the humans would turn against the Vulcan. But, the others would never suspect that. The human is average in skills, even the brightest of them could never overcome theirs. But, their social ability is dreaded for them. One can lure new species to joining the federation with only words. It was the matter of time until they shall make them going to war for them.

The matriarch of Vulcan is responsible for social and culture on his planet. Usually it was inherited from mother to daughter. His grandmother doesn't have daughter, her clans first daughter was always had a female heir. He could say she was cursed, jinxed. All of her ten children were male. Then she had only a brother, so was her mother and the mother of her and so on until they stopped at his fourth great grandmother, she had a second daughter who had female heir that still alive, V'Tarra, V'Linn's mother. Other than two of them and his grandmother there would be no female beside their daughter-in-law.

V'Linn lived in V'Irra clan house. More like a mansion. There was a lake and patches of woods in their land. At night there would be feral animals drink from their lake, no need to worry the main building was far away from there. There was a massive indoor garden full of flowers from any origin, you named it the servant would pick it for you, made you tea from it. 

The male of his family usually underwent their Kashwan in their private forest on top of the hill. It was safer and easier. The forest was no jungle, the tree is customized so that certain animal wouldn't trespass. They should've grown close so Le'matya bigger than a five-year old couldn't enter the land and so was sehlat. Many of the influencer family asked for permission so that their son could go there instead of a real Vulcan forge. 

There are a lot of children died of this practice, he once thought it was illogical to test ones manhood out of a child. But, his grandmother was the protector of all of those cultures to challenge her would add to her already wretched reputation. Her ill-treatment was a lame excuse to destroy a clan.

Va'Tosh Ka'Tur children would never do such thing, they somehow thought more logically. Their main concern was surrounding man life in Vulcan. It was easier being a vulcaness, at seven they had no need to Kashwan, they are precious as they are the one who kept man alive when they were undergoing Pon Farr, they had more controlled and could ease their physical through meditation better. They are the head of the household, the one who made decisions. Often people thought women lives is more important than men's.

While in Romulus, their despise towards Surak was proved to be biologically preferable, even though they are no superior to Vulcan. Men and women was as important in society as they would need all resources to protect and support their colonialist empire. They had been living in fear and hostility, didn't realise they had made others felt the same things towards them. Their system was so ruthless. Backstabbing and betrayal is what considered to be smart person. They own the whole almost quarter part of the beta quadrant but wasn't able to seek another planet to rescue their people, they asked their former enemy to help them instead. Or if he followed their logic, they allowed their former enemy to help them.

He was pissed off thinking about that. Romulan is a big no for him. Probably would remain that way forever. Only if something happened he would possibly change his mind. 

All of this matter was caused by their careless observation, for the Romulan. The Xindis home world was near Vulcan, but they weren't part of the federation. They were diverse in species. Some of them could be most aggressive. They had certainly built some technology as they even needed proving ground. 

The outlook from his window changed, as the warp upgraded. He could feel his excitement vibrating his heart harder in his stomach.


	9. Turning Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something bad happen on Threxxa.

Zora got herself another one day abstaining to normalize her body. It was still sore and her face stay swollen. She could go to the lavatory and Nourishment Center at late hours.

When she entered the NC that morning she spotted white-jacketed crowd near the podium. The first period was prolonged after the newcomers came. But most of the oldsettler schedule stayed the same. So it was nearly deserted if it wasn't because of the Vulcan crowd.

She scanned her padd to the nearby replicator, opened the lid. Found the same stack she used to get.

She realized her hand trembled hard after the lid closed loudly, the Vulcan turned their head to her. She was nervous to get attention by a lot of people, they were quite before, now their murmur became louder. Several people gave her pointed look.

Certainly her swollen face was weird. Oh, she was ashamed. But she couldn't hide her face in her hair like she used to do at such situations, it was in a tight bun behind her head, damp after shampooing.

She walked fast toward the nearby chair away from the Vulcans, her back facing them.

Situations like this made her hate herself, why was she could be controlled by other people opinion, judgement or even simply a look in their eyes. Her spirit ignited, she ate her meal voraciously. She drank her water without identifying the taste like she used to do, almost as if she breath it in.

When she dumps her tray they observed her as if her walking was interesting. She scowled her puffy face and headed out almost running.

They were weird. Stared at her as if she was a thief.

At the next turn she changed her pace, walked slowly to the stairs. She climbed while checking her padd, no notification for today. Nobody need her anyway. Her head was throbbing maybe her bun was too tight, she felt colder today, she didn't want the water wet her sweatshirt, the only thick clothes she had, usually used for sleep, to protect her from awoke violently, freezing in her room.

She was cheerful thinking she would sleep all day today, no one would disturb her, now that her starving stomach had been fed. 

Wondering how awful her detention waiting her tomorrow would be, maybe cleaning the lavatory alongside the Tidibot, the Tidying Robot, manually brushed the floor while she hardly avoids to having people flashing her accidentally.

Or dragged by the Synthesizer people to assist them in some experiments, this is the easiest.

Or forced to go down the mine sector and helping them there, that's only in her dream.

The mine was always the secret part of the colony. No one unimportant would ever go there.

_Why though ?_

The Council held their confidentiality as if they were no Mine. Everyone knew they discriminate the miner. They all had read history. It wasn't strange the miner would never speak up, the big credit in their padd shut them. 

The Hunter was always overworked, though their credit is the lowest among all the Shift. They just enjoyed the sunshine more than anyone, that's it, and maybe riding shuttle once in a while. But any Bloomers (the fifteen-year-old children trained to work in common labor before their departure from the CC) and Helpers (the one like Zora and Nora) could do that. 

She reached the top and walked to the quarters wing, the guard wasn't roaming around like they used to.

_Something was weird here._

The tunnels were deserted, the lamp flickered just like they used to, the water running down the pipe was dripping.

_But, something wasn't in their right place._

_What is it?_

Zora looked up at the tunnels walls. She walked again.

_Something was missing right there._

They used to be a box pined to the wall. Small, but it left fresh paint of the shape of it.

_What is it?_

The tunnels were full of crisscrossing pipe and wire. Rusty and wear off, but the small patch clear under the yellow light. Later she had found the same patches along the quarters wing. Three in each row. She picked holo of one of them.

She was staring at the hallway when a stumping step reached her.

A man with one eye covered, he was limp on his left foot, when he was closer she knew it was robotic foot not functioning properly.

The ex-Borg. He lived in this row. The newcomers quarters wing.

He passed her, she lowered her gaze from him. He continued his walk towards his door.

She thought it was enough playing detective for today, she spun on her heels and started to walk away when the ex-Borg summoned her name. 

“Zora !”

His voice was raspy, Zora's eyes widened. He knew her name. Suddenly he was creepier than her for stalking around other's residence. 

“Zora !”

The hair on the back of her neck stood up, she gripped her hand together while she turned around to face him. 

“Yes ?” she gulped, her swollen lid blinked rapidly as she couldn't see him clearly. Ugh, it is very hard to stay cautious. He smiled, looked like a very subtle lips movement to her.

“Doctor Kloss wanted to see you.” He said.

“Why ?”

she was fidgeting the hem of her cuff.

“I can't tell you.”

Then he shut his door.

_Damn, that's creepy._

She was always afraid.

 _Coward_. 

Couldn't she earn more self-love?

Why would that doctor want to see her. To checked her swollen face and giggling with his deep cheerful voice. But if she didn't come to him he would report her as a missing person, as she had avoided meeting him for the past three months, right after her finger had been fixed. 

Walking down the stairs, feeling her breath labored. She would sleep after this, a deep sleep and no one will disturb her. 

Down in the Clinic, the Denobulan doctor busy pointing his tricorder to another Andorian.

The facility was overloaded. Their symptoms were overwhelmed him. Vomiting, bleeding even hallucinating. For the past 24 hours the patient increased rapidly to the point it was more like a plague or worse a war. Every single Andorian were there.

All of them were laying down, lost their balance, their antennae were no longer turgid, lost their energy as their metabolism slowing down. 

“Doctor, more sedative !”

“Turn on the force field ! This thing kills me.”

“Shut that down! Shut that down!”

“Aaaakkh!”

Most of their mouths were quiet, but their other organs were busy making noises.

Kloss wanted to scream of all their frustrating demand. The need for them to be healed stressed him to the point where he wanted to vomit himself.

Panic and tired. He was ordering a nurse to seek some Helper.

Zora entered the clinics splayed-open door. The usual cold smell attacked her nose.

So crowded, even in the hallway was full of people. Resting their body to the flattest surface they could find.

She spotted her instructor, his usually neat and professional demeanor drown in his pool of watery content. He laid his head down after vomiting, he was colored pale blue. Xena once said their aesthetic were matched with this planet. Now they matched with the clinic white interior.

When she looked at him again, he wasn't moving even his chest had stopped contracting. She was stumped.

“Help!” She yelped, reached the bald Andorian.

“Help someone's dying !” She was slapping his cheek, attempting to wake him. Stomach churned. 

She recalled, he was the one who always decide her detention whenever she was late coming to class, even if it was not his class. At one point she had believed he hated her. The day she moved out from CC he gave her words she now would never forget.

 _Never be late, child. I guarantee you will be disappointed._ And now she is. 

“Help !” She cried desperately. 

The doctor came, he was covered in some protection suit. But later he dumped that because it was making him sweat excessively. 

“He's not breathing. I think he was bleeding.”

She gave the doctor space to take care the old man.

The doctor's expression changed, like he had been defeated. His shoulder sagged.

“Another death counts. Holmer, scan his DNA and put him in the notes !” He rose and shouted to a male nurse. 

“Is he dead ? What happened to him ? What is happening here?”

She spat question like some classic paparazzi. He was always easily annoyed. But this time he couldn't manage to think of some potent sarcasm.

“Yes. I don't know. And I wish I know.”

The dead man body was still laying there and it upset him so much. That boy, Holmer was a slow worker. 

“What do you mean you wish you know ?” She was angry, even though in that situation it was rationale he didn't figure that out yet.

“Holmer, quit writing in cursive and come here !”

He ignored the girl, he knew her. And his face ridges couldn't forget her. This violent being, burst into his work place to attack him, again. Holmer finally ran to them, nodded and scanned the man's dead body.

“You didn't answer my question.” She demanded.

“Do you get his identity ?” He asked Holmer, but the loading symbols in his padd was still in progress. It was like forever, the cold hall of the clinic tense his every muscle.

_What if it's a new disease ? What if it's a pathological virus?_

“His name is Gelyaner, instructor in Learning Center.” 

He looked at her, somehow his dislike towards her evaporated. For a while. Later it would come back, but at that time he understood what her aggressive behavior was for. Just like he was.

His constant nagging was because no one understands his intention right away. He wanted to get things done quickly in a perfect order. It's not always satisfactory. The people here was being annoyed by him, or they were annoyed him. Which gained his fretful reputation.

Zora was alert to his watchful eyes.

“You would help me, wouldn't you. Go to the Synthesizer and ask them to make my order and don't come back until they had done. Ask Abbe to come here as fast as he can, check the children at CC and inform me if anyone is nauseated.” He walked as he said his command, talking so fast. Zora was tailing him. Still confused. It's really hard to just open her eyes normally.

He was busy with his padd, Zora was still waiting.

“Quick ! This people are dying.” He was looking at her confused face. Zora nodded. Mouth opened losing her words.

It's not the right time to be stupid, girl.

She spun and walked briskly to the front door. 

“Use violence if it's needed.”   
She heard his shouting and run to the Synthesizer.

This was not the plan, she was ready for peaceful sleep on her bed with her warm sweater. Sleep soundly until second period starts. But now she was soaked in sweat as she run down the tunnel, her heart pounding strong and steady beats. As if it knew they were in a very important mission.

The Synthesizer is the fourth largest facility they have. Lit brightly in the dim tunnel. There were stairs and elevator, guardrail in each floor, overlooking at the boiler tanks, vacuum tubes, spherical gas tank. The replicator worked, emanating all color spectrum as it was busy making stuffs.

“Excuse me, I'm here to take the order from the clinic.” No one listened, the machines worked loudly.

“EXCUSE ME !” 

Couple of heads glanced at her. Then one woman came towards her, asking what she wants.

“The clinics order, has it done yet?” 

“Well, actually. We were lack in protein compounds. So, no.” she said like she was asking for a candy.

“But, it's for the sick people. They would die if you weren't making this thing.” She demanded.

The big laser machine was cutting massive block of protein she recognized.

“Can you make them from that ? It's very urgent.”

She moved to her monitor tailing her despise her death glare. Looking at the thing she pointed at. 

“Can't, Miss ... Food comes first.” She searched her for a second, then decided she didn't know her. 

Zora was well aware of that, it was like the first rule in here, but nearly all the Andorian was in the clinic. They must do something.

Her agitation gesture made the lady behind the monitor scared. She waved at a guard to picked Zora out.

“Hey, wait. Listen ! People will die, and it's your fault. You can reduce the ratio of each person for one day. One day. Damn you're ignorant ! Get off me! This lady need a lesson.” 

Then a shrieking sound comes out from the lady's mouth. She has shoved Zora as she could, but she'd been kicked and pushed. Last thing she could feel, her back hit the ground and her face skin sore. Soon the blood started to drip from the cut replacing the translucent liquid across her face. She shrieks again, it hurt so bad she swears viciously at her. 

Zora was being tackled. The guard shoved her, pinned her down the floor, face pressed to the floor. Her body still trembling with anger and surprise. 

That was quick. She barely realized what she had done. The lady was getting help by her coworkers, looking at Zora with severe eyes. She blinks, it's harder now to open her puffy eyes at this position.

“What happen here ?!” 

Abbe's voice was greeting her ears. The last thing she wanted was to meet him. She cursed. The guard add more pressure upon hearing that, demand her to shut the hell up. 

“That wild thing attacked me.”

She had covered her wound, the scratches from Zora's long nails. She was going to cut it before she goes to bed that morning, but it didn't go as it planned. 

Abbe recognized the small figure, atop her was a stocky-built guard pressed her with all of his weights. He was little worried. She was not that strong and this guard privilege need to be stopped.

“Stand up, girl !” The guard picked her up to her feet.

“What the hell you think you're doing ?!” Abbe spat his words. 

“I asked for medicines, but _this people_ won't listen to me. It's crucial, people are _dying_ in the clinic. And you tell me what? You didn't have the compound, the hell that protein block was for. People can't die with one day skipping protein and you lady said the food should come first.” Zora was half growling half talking. 

Abbe would listen, he usually does. She could tell he was considering her words. He nodded to the imaginary friend in front of him, like the crazy man he was. Zora thought. 

Abbe walked towards her with his wooden cane. She knew it is heavy, just looking at how he drags it. Then the stick tackling her feet, knocked her to the ground. Back first. She jerked, feeling the pin and needle down her spine. It was hurt, but she held her cry. She wanted to curse so bad she bit her lip.

“Now you may reciprocate, Miss Helen.” 

The lady was injured badly, she stood in front of her. That young face was red and sweaty. She crouches down and slaps her face. Once, she didn't even wince. Twice, then thrice. She realized she only wanted to see her pain. But the girl took it far too easy.

“Does it hurt ?” She hissed. More like a statement for Zora. Tears started to build up from the heat of the blow marks. Her vision blurred.

“I'm not a crybaby.” She said.

Helen had gone to her limit, scratching her face hard. To bad her nail was not that long, but her anger had been released. 

As tears ran down her face, she was relieved. But soon it passed her wound and hurt her as bad as if it was new. She could feel the need to hit her again, but she held it and stood up. Looking at Abbe with amusement. The rest of them were silent.

“Now you make the medicine, Miss Helen.” Abbe said.

Zora wanted to laugh out loud. Looking at Helen's confused face, mouth gaping wide just like what she had done.

“But, sir-” 

“Yes, reduce the ratio of today's portion. And I won't hear none of it.” 

Abbe moved to his station. Walking like gangsta with his limp feet. 

At that time Zora saw the different side of him. He was indeed a wise man. Maybe a bit strict and distant. But you never threw sarcasm and got away with it.

The crowd moved aside, back to their station. Helen felt like being played, she wanted to cry. But not in front of the vile girl. Both of them were holding pain in silence.

“You will wait forever, Bitch !” Helen hissed, but it didn't miss Zora's ear. 

“Apologize....” Zora said.

Helen was surprised. Somehow it makes her better than the girl, as her pride rose. 

“Okay.” she said coldly. Zora shook her head, felt the headache after all of those knocking.

“But, you were looking really dumb.”

Helen choked in her own breath, this bitch.

Zora's lips stretched, couldn't hold her smirk. It was splayed in her face. Glorifying her wound and her puffy eyes. Didn't cower with the lady's slurs.

Helen nearly smashed her monitor. Working faster than she hopes.

Zora didn't realize her walk impaired, but she did feel strange. Must be from the fall. It was about fifteen minutes waiting when the medicines ready. The pain she felt was more pronounced as the time had passed. The facility was full of fog. Or it was her eyes she doesn't know. She walked out and went to the clinic, her middle back was biting in every step. Yup, it was the Synthesizer. Maybe they closed the funnel or something happened. She was completely forgotten telling Abbe to come to the clinic, was more than three-quarters way to the clinic.

When she arrived Abbe was there talking with the doctor in a low serious tone. She gave the box to a nearby nurse. How can Abbe walk that fast ? They both limp and Zora knew she was still faster than him.

“I will ask him, but if he refused what would we do?” 

“You must convince him, or the rest of them will die soon.”

Abbe spun, found Zora was behind him all the time. His eyes glowered.

“How you can be here that fast ?”

“None of your business !” 

And he had gone. 

“Have you checked the C- Oh, heaven what happened to your face ?” Kloss eyes widened. 

It was terrible, most likely she got it on the way here. What happened out there?

“I followed your advice. Use violence. Can I borrow the regenerator?” 

Kloss handed her the Dermal Regenerator. Then proceeded to administer the medicine.

The Andorian were laying on the spare biobed that Holmer just installed. They were quiet for now, as the force field turned on. But, they couldn't be here forever. 

“Have you checked the children?” He asked Zora as she done with her face. There were still wound she hadn't mend yet.

“Shoot, I forgot. I'm going now.” she put the tool haphazardly. Ran out before Kloss even shut his mouth. 

Zora stumbled, held on to the wall, her back felt painful. But she must check the children. 

She reacheed her padd to comm Nilua. Not long after it was connected.

“Ni! How are the children?”  
No answer, she should've suspected at the time she didn't hear her cheerful greetings.

“You're there right? At the CC?”

A shrill came out.

“Are the children okay? Especially the blues, are they okay?” 

The cry became louder. Zora was nervous.

“They die... All of them....” 


	10. Two Men

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Adelaide dies ?  
> Who is Garry ?  
> Which one is better, Alex or V'Karr?

**Tech Shift - Learning Centre**

Alex was demonstrating how to coding programs. Somehow wanted they will manage to built more advanced robot, but people in here would still reluctant to do so. Their history haunts them till now, that if the technology is better than men then men will be doomed. 

He had forgotten about that girl for awhile, until he would feel her resentment and refusal stabbed him in the chest. In the middle of the presentation. Even she did nothing. 

He was a sensitive guy, he always had been. He should have told her before asked her for a date. Now, he was standing with weary and sore both foot and heart. 

He shouldn't have asked her at the first place. He shouldn't have fascinated by her appearance, just because she got a Florence Nightingale's face, that doesn't mean she would treat his injury. 

Because he was unworthy.

His square jaw clenched, as that thought crossed his mind.

He was unworthy. He gripped the controller firmly his whole arm was stiff from the tension.

Some of the bad things happening to him in the past were running in his head.

God, earth was awful, why was he even into earth creature ?

She's even not that bright, not that pretty, not that tall.

Why would he think of that ? he was always into human, female human.

He didn't understand why would people interest in one who doesn't made for them. Use thing that doesn't meant for the purpose. He was only using the original sparepart, the used one was okay. But always the original. Adelaide Lodner the Great didn't. That's why she was murdered. She married to a Vulcan. 

There had been a conspiracy that the one who murdered her was the Vulcan government itself, because they opposed to the idea of mixed-breed children. They and their racist mind would slaughter one good lady and made her as a warning sign to others who tried to do so.

He actually believed that theory. Because it was the most logical one.

Others like killed by the pimp organization of Risa was a trash. It's true that they worked like a mob. But their cases had been done, they got light sentences, and to kill her would just pointing a finger to themselves. Drawing attention, asking for investigation. So it was more likely that they would protected her to prove that they weren't dangerous. So the Risan would be able to paint their foreheads at ease. 

Other theory that there was a shadowman fired a phaser coming from the past who shot her. Even there were witnesses for this one. That explains why she got first generation phaser wounds instead of using the proper lethal phaser that could vaporize her right where she stand before anyone could blink.

It was dreadful, as tragedy supposed to be. They caught holovid for the event. He remembered watching her in his granddad old Holovision, the brand of the Holo projector.

The Risan cheered for the earth woman when she stepped on the podium. Her small figure was standing there, waving her hand to the crowd with a warm smile.

Her hair was in bun, the loose portion framing her face was blowing with the wind, covered her eyes as she struggled to tuck it behind her ears. She waved the last time and ready to talk when the hair loose again, impaired her vision.

That damn hair, he thought, that got her killed.

She could have seen the man pointing a gun to her and avoid it. But there she was, her yellow jacket was pink across her right stomach, then one spot below her throat.

Then everyone was screaming, a panicked loud cry reverberated through the silver night sky.

The delegates at the stage were trying to climb down the stairs to get down, but couldn't, because the stairs were at the front of the podium. They cramped up at the corner tried to be the most covered.

Adelaide Lodner was still standing straight when she like saw something then wobbly walked with her stilettos towards the delegates at the corner.

Then her back was full of pink spot, the phaser was not hot enough to burn the wound.

Later one of the delegate claimed he heard she said _"He pinked me, Harry."_ before she said something in foreign language he didn't know and collapsed.

They would used her body as a shield for the next 15 minutes, got her 27 wounds. But, none was hurt other than her. 

She recited Roosevelt's words but not strong enough to make her speech and stay alive. Leave a husband and parents on earth.

They must have proud of her, he would if he was her husband.

Her husband was a Captain of a starfleet vessel.

The media was eager to capture his response to the incident instead, waiting for him to break of all his beliefs and sobs in front of camera. Or to capture his expressionless face and put it on the screen with psychopathic warning to keep the humans blood warm. But, he was a careful person.

His arrival at San Francisco was a big deal for any journalist, they must've been ready to describe his condition and added a bit of dramatic effect when it published.

He didn't show up at the shuttle dock main exit. Or any of the exit, because he had been transported to his office at Starfleet Headquarters.

Later his official statement published for the public on Vulcan when he was on earth. As if Starfleet and the Vulcan government were up to something. That he grieved in private, been meditating so that Adelaide's soul would rest in peace, that the incident hurt him badly as she was his t'hylla. The public didn't buy it, so was he.

Later this bastard went to his home in Vulcan and remarried. Lived another happy life with another wife. 

She deserved more than him, a husband that is not emotionally unavailable, a human male that is warm and loving. Just like she was.

She had been leading riot for abused woman, man and children of their household, yet let herself in one. Defend old gullible pleasure slave of Risa so furiously emotional, it burn the spirit of the easygoing people there. They dug her background and found out she married a Vulcan, the dichotomy shook the nation.

Vulcan was the least tourist coming to Risa. And when they did, they didn't do it like the other race's carefree attitude. They'd be calculated and secretive. They'd want the Pleasure slave to be submissive and futile. Almost most of them did, maybe there's something with their emotional repressed ritual.

Adelaide seemed to be an audacious and valiant woman. The kind who wouldn't bend to men's will, the one who stood for herself. That's why he was a fan of her. He was a shy boy, one or twice others bullied him. It will be nice to have someone who could stand for him, to talk when he didn't feel like it.

He fell on to the chair, his back to the back rest. He was filled with nervous energy, the kind that could make new learning app program or new robot armor. The one he had been doing down the Mine sector.

He put the controller on the table and shut down his computer, most of the Technician attending his presentation had been walking out of the room. He couldn't comply himself, his mind was full of other things that made him stuck in place. Damn, that woman. She made him thinking about her all the time. With some self-loathing feeling accompanied with it. 

One million and twenty thousand credit. 

He kept thinking about it since he had taken a peek of her padd.

He got bad feelings about it. Like she would buy wings and fly away with it. Away from the colony, away from protection, away from him.

With her face and all, anything bad would surely come. She could be controlled to leading rebellion, on Risa, on federation allies planet. Just say that certain people killed her, then the reason could just magically appear.

She could get friends as many as she would get enemies. Sometimes enemies are friends, or it's the other way around. Because no friendships could last forever.

He turned on his computer and began tapping the screen.

He couldn't let her have that many credits, it was dangerous. Too many wealth is as harmful as if it too little. He tried his reasoning again, but then he was being so worried he didn't do it. 

The security system was complicated, but not for him. It was just like a wooden fence with a titanium lock. That was odd Steve Chang didn't ask him to upgrade it.

By the time, her credit number has been reduced he was calm again. Garry had given her padd to her, so it was fortunate she didn't use it yet.

He rested his back and sighed. Took a deep breath and relaxed. Now the tension had been relieved. Finally, he could work in peace. She would be confused though, maybe that could bring her to him.

**Abroad T'Janikrel**

"What did you _do_ , Adelaide ?" His voice echoed in their room. In large mansion provided by the Risan to accommodate their visit. 

"I don't know, I wasn't feeling like myself." Her breathy voice was low and sad. Her eyes teary, and fear filled her iris when she glanced at him.

"Wasn't _feeling_ like yourself, is that so ?" He sounded angry, he didn't realise at the time.

His hand reached out, gripped and gropped her in his arm. He was too firm apparently, she cried out to be released.

He hated it, he always hated it when she denied him.

Tears were running down her eyes in steady stream, her legs were kicking him in worthless effort. 

He shoved her to the counter, then watched her struggle to stand in her feet. She was in pain, watching him with disgusted look.

"You're _illogical_ piece of _shit_ !" she hissed, but with his Vulcan hearing it was as loud as if she whispered to his ear. The ears she loved. 

"I am _done_ with you ! We're _over_ !"

He winced, he could feel his every face muscles tensed. His breathing caught up. He wanted to take her, lock her somewhere, where he will be the only person who can visit her. Didn't realize his finger balled firmly at his sides. Looking at her fearful eyes with wry and lust. If only he could reach her psi-point, they wouldn't argue like that. 

"Sit down." he brought his hand back to his back, as if waiting for soldiers to lined up. She gleamed, astounded. 

"Or what? You expect me to obey, after everything you've done to me ?" Her wry smile followed.

Their recent activity replayed in his mind. It worsened his temper. Even now looking at her only wearing his undershirt. He closed his eyes to regain some patience. But that black color complemented her skin. Brought out the olive hue, Vulcan's blush. 

"If you mean by what _we've_ done. Then it is correct. Please, sit ! I will not repeat myself." He waited her to move, but then she walked to the closet and tugged her garments out. 

" _Where_ do you want to go ?" He looked at her in horror, now stood near the table next to the closet so that he could hold on to something. She didn't answer.

"Do you want to go to _his_ place ?" He said, ended his sentence in hiss. There, every emotion has came out with that.

Adelaide turned her head to him. Regarded him a while, then decided she had made the right decision.

"Affirmative." she said that to mock him, then she continued packing.

At one point she realized to change her clothes, she couldn't go out in this clothes without underwear. He was being so quiet, she thought he wasn't there anymore. Rushed taking off her clothes to throw on the proper one.

Oh, crap. She smelled like him. Then she sensed his existence, right behind her. Maybe less than an inch. She could feel his warmth. 

"Do you really think you can outrun me ?" His words was nearly whisper, but the low bass of his voice was still there. Blew every hair in her body.

Oh, she should've ran. Before she could turn around to attack him, his hand was around her. 

"Vulcans are territorial, I would _kill_ to be with my mate. I would kill whoever _took_ you from me. Tell me his name !"

Then she felt his right hand on her temple. He had done something with his left hand to her. Making her legs curled and fell in to his arm.

Then she wasn't herself, she didn't realize her hand was caressing his chest, or gripping his hair, or playing his ears. Didn't realize her lips kissing him desperately, her legs around his waist, that she was moaning and groaning, but she could feel every hot traces he left. 

_Be strong, Addie._ Those words, she would replay those words in her mind, he wouldn't know anything. Just don't be too carried away with his skill, you've been trained for this and never made a mistake. 

But then he went too far and she came with sob. She would've been forgotten to emptying her mind. Maybe around the time when he bit her.

"And what was this Garry _up_ to ?"

He was lapping her neck. He used to bite on her shoulder. Now he wanted the whole world was being able to see it. His hand gripped her wrist on her side, he knew she wanted to slap him. She was so beautiful this way, those lips, those full lips, he couldn't afford to lose her. He wanted to kiss her so bad. But kissing lips was human's. He purred at the nape of her neck. His hand moved to hug her. 

" _T'nash veh_." it was true he was desperate.

"Let _me_ go, V'Karr !"

Oh, the way her husky voice calling his name, he could have came with that. By Surak, this woman.

"Don't go, _Ashaya_ !" his hug firmer.

"Let go of me, I _can't_ breathe !" Her voice was no longer containing resentment. But rather poignantly said, a sad plea. Why would she couldn't breathe ? he released her from his arm.

" _Ashaya_ , can you breathe now?" he looked down to see her. She was asleep, her lips were blue, her cold skin was colder, more yellow instead of the olive he adores.

"Adelaide, my _dear_ !" He shook her body, shoved it away from him and he was covered in blood. Red, almost as dark as the Shek-tukh lap stem. Vulcan iron tree. 

By the time he wanted to call emergency transporter, he remembered she had died. Long time ago. That now he was being tortured by his subconscious. He held her dearly, as if she was not that cold, as if the blood wasn't dripping down his legs.

Still, he was afraid to cry. He even didn't know if he had any tears. If he did, he would've run that out for this particular moment. But, it wasn't true. The fight was true, the coupling was true, the man named Garry was true.

But he wasn't holding her. Yet he could feel her soft hair against his chin. She loved his chin when it had stubble.

When he was looking at her again, she was gone. He was hugging air. 

" _K'diwa_." 

He felt the impulse to self-destruct himself, that the physical pain was necessary to subside his emotional turmoil. She wanted you to let her go, V'Karr. He cannot. His breathing ragged. His diaphragm was spasmodic.

He jolted awake.

It was sleep paralysis, commonly known as the symptom of mentally unstable person. For vulcan standards. Because if he was human he would be diagnosed only as insomniac.

Now, how come he could sleep again ? Without terrified of what dream he might have. His dreams were always intense, as he approached closer to his time. It was more vivid than ever. He checked his erection, but it was no longer there. Maybe gone when he discovered Adelaide had died on his arm. That fight, now he wouldn't be able to get over that fight.


	11. The Ghost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ultimate plan has been confirmed. Her fate would comply.

Master Quarters was a vast facility for councillor of Threxxa. Each of the room was much larger in size with the most comfortable bed and supported by computer system to facilitate them.

Computer was hard to build. they didn't always has the electronic components. Some resistor might need certain metal, that's still alright, but some capacitor would need carbon, holy smokes, if only they could eat computer. Then the semiconductor and the transformer, they all would need plastic layer for covering. Once again, if only they could eat computer. The carbon was mainly gas here, their plant couldn't just decay and form a fossil to be a useful carbon based compounds source.

Steve was walking around his room like one of his tidibot. Not the one that just vacuuming the floor or spraying acid but the one that could make your bed, instantly washed your duvet, so he could get the fresh one everynight. It was indeed need a lot of energy, that thing was illegal. 

He was terrified, he was confused. And he wasn't used to act this way. He was so afraid, his hand persipitating.

_How come it would be changed ?_

_How come he wouldn't die miserable like before ?_

He pulled out large amount of his thin hair but failed. His face reddened by exhaustion. Holy wormhole. He could see what had happened but couldn't go there, it kills him.

That man, and his stupid friend locked his device away from him. With DNA and other most futuristic security system he couldn't yet understand. 

Now, his child would remain die. Just like his wife and most of the Romulans.

The Klingon cold war was nearly here. More of the Klingon would pass through the wormhole he had used for his private highways. Now, they would probably want to be one of them, or kill every one of them. 

Last night he was drunk, he locked his room so that anyone couldn't see that he wasted Ethyl alcohol. Anything contained C was precious in here. That was the time when he was hopeless, he couldn't know what the Vulcan brought. The reason they were stranded and chopped off the food source.

He was desperate and doing the unimaginable.

It was him. The dead of the Andorian and Andorian babies was all on him. He adjusted the reactor to its highest level it must've disturbed the Andorian's radar, apparently upset their metabolism as well.

He didn't mean it, he knew it would disturb them, but far from killing them. Maybe there were other things he didn't calculated well. But, it was epic, that they were only dying when the Vulcans just arrived. But it's not enough though, that what made the future changed.

Babrik sent him a message, _The Vulcan wanted to talk, sir._

He got no time for that. He just wish they were rescued asap, came to pick them up. Out from his planet. He didn't want to break bad now. He had gotten enough headache as it was.

He told him to let his spokesman coped with them.

Abbe would pissed off. Ha ha ha, he really wanted to see his reaction. His hairy face would scowl so ugly he could scare swarm of mouse he liked to pet. Or even kill them accidentally without even run any test on them.

Holy heaven, it will be hilarious. That good old man.

He smacked his wiggly laughing stomach.

These days there were so little amusement he could easily enjoy. Beside making fun of his friends and watching NC performances. He should provide more entertainment for these people. Oh, here goes another thought to over think. He should be taken a nap. 

Then his door burst open. Limp figure walked through it with audible growl.

Was that an animal ? Steve's heart leapt with the sudden infiltration. 

"Steve ! Chang !"

Steve felt small by how that sounded. It was almost like his father yelled at him. He would spank him afterwards. Making him the man he was now.

But, he knew that sickly cough. It was Abbe.

"Abbe, what are you doing today?"

Why he sounded like his wife ? Oh, he got no idea why. 

"You _killed_ them, you _fucking_ killed them." He accused.

"Wait, my friend. I don't know what you're talking about. Whose kill whom ?"

He was looking at Abbe in fear. That man was holding a stick, although Steve would definitely outrun him. 

"The Andorians, _Moron_ ! You promised to lead wisely. Is _this_ what you mean by your _wisdoms_ ? _Answer_ me !"

Shit, now his ugly scowling face terrified him. 

"I got drunk and-" well, he didn't have to explain it to him. 

"You got fucking _drunk_ and _killed_ them ? You fucking moron. What _were_ you _thinking_? Oh, I shouldn't have _believed_ you. We shouldn't have _gone_ with you. You _dumb selfish drunkard_ !"

Abbe looked smaller to him, talking with his emotional breathy coarse voice. Voice he had used to shout at people back on Daneb. He moved back feeling sick looking at the full cheeked man. Sat on something and count his breathing. He wept.

"Listen man, I can fix this mess. I will fix this. When I got my device back. I will go back in time to fix this." Steve was a fast talker. How many promises came out from those lips. Abbe was skeptical at first.

"How can I know you won't just gone to your home ?" 

"I will bring you with me. You will know how I would do it. You will be there with me, okay."

He looked at his raised brow and trembled.

"But, we _need_ to get my device back, right ?" He ended his sentence like that so he wouldn't get offended further.

Abbe piercing eyes were looking at him. No one can tell what expression he gave him that time. It was covered in beard as thick as skin hanging around there.

"What do you say ? You think you can enable her ?" He asked again. Hands rubbed together with his gloves on. 

Abbe looked down feeling defeated. She was the only one variable he got. If she gone with his failed experiments then it will be better for him to just die along with his stupidity.

"If she die. Her death would be _on_ you." Steve had just knew that she was a big deal for him. 

"Alright, man. Now we're even. Yours Daneb, mine Threxxa and the girl." He surged with contentment. But, Abbe was still looking doubtful.

"Zora. We named her Zora. Actually Nora did." He stood up, his mournful eyes darkened.

"I think you should know that before we slaughter her." 

"With your sharp mind, I shall not worry." 

Well, it wasn't him who get slaughtered. 

He watched Abbe exited his room. Slammed his door hard as if he could hear his inner thoughts.

**Clinic - Health Centre**

There was no bed left for her. Her back throbbed in pain even though they had given her medicine. She wanted to ask for some sedative but too afraid to lose her consciousness since she was lying on the floor. She was afraid people would step on her while she dozed off. Or maybe she just didn't want to talk with people.

The colony ran a hectic mobility since the outbreak. 

She felt cold. How come they died like that. She could hold them before yesterday. Now the CC would be different without them. She turned to her side and hugged her knees.   
She should have known the force field could help them. Maybe if she came to the CC first, instead of fighting with Helen. 

How would they tell their biological parents ?   
Hey guys, so... your babies were dead. We couldn't help them. We're sorry.

She couldn't imagine the people that now sleep soundly were going to know shocking news.

What would they tell them after that?   
Guys, I think you should start making some filials. Because we are out of Andorian babies.

She wished she wouldn't be here when it happens.

She tried to sleep but, couldn't. She gave up. Being with the parents hurt her feelings badly, she was willing to feel the lower back pain all the way to the Learning centre. She should be there anyway. She had considered to go to her quarters but that idea was no better that laying in the clinic.

"Where are you going ? You might have fractured your pelvic bones." Well, actually it was Abbe. She couldn't stormed out as fast as she want. 

"I feel better."

She lied. She felt worse than ever. Her body hurt, her heart ache, her mind racing. She wanted to lie on those purple grasses. Maybe it would be a mercy kill. Or mercy suicide. But, how dare she wasted her life after what happened down here. Being an ungrateful person when there was another person who would kill to be alive. 

She hadn't had thought of that before. The suicidal thoughts. She always thought it was irrational. But, people are different. You can't compare ones endurance to another. You couldn't have known what they had been through. Even if you do know. You shouldn't judge their emotions, you couldn't have known what they had felt. How deep the cut had pierced their heart. 

Other people's baby died. And you wanted to kill yourself.

How would they know if she was the one who put them to sleep every night. That she had some bonds with them already. That their innocent eyes haunted her whenever she closed her eyes.

She would never think of that again, now that she know how it feels.

Feeling drown even though you weren't in water. Feeling tied even though no ropes were bound to you. The air that became heavier. Even the excitement whenever you thought you can reach your dreams was gone. No one can heal that kind of pain.

But she was willing to give herself some times. Maybe on the way to the LC she got some of her hopes back. Then she could say she had survived.

She walked as normal as she could manage. Her padd in one hand and avoid having people bump into her. If she fell she didn't think she could rise on her own. 

Learning Centre was on the same level as the CC and the clinic. Someone knew where it had to be placed.

She scanned her padd so that the door would open.

The classes were full of people, the children.

She went directly to the Database storage room. She should be doing something now, some recycle work or keeping a door. When there was no one she could walk as limp as she want. But finally the door was near. 

She pushed the door with all her weight. For what she wanted was solitude to weep all she wants. But she was afraid being alone, she was afraid she would hurt herself. Being surrounded by art and stories was always her brightest solution to remedy her sickness. Not all of them contained entertainment though. Some of them filled with unreadable code she couldn't possibly understand. As she wasn't a computer. She was going to be there reading something or maybe walking around the shelves, like what she was doing now. 

Master Gelyaner taught her math and criminology, she wasn't very good at math. It was like being in jail. She always came late. To reduce her time in prison. She didn't hate him, like she hate the biology and ecology instructor mistress Malu.

That wicked teacher was so talented to tame difficult child like her. Once she wanted every children to memorize 25 page full of words in Romulan in seven days. Can you imagine seven days. It was easy for Malu, she was Romulan herself. It was a week full of torture, they couldn't sleep well at night before recited the paragraphs of that paperwork. Their bowel movement would be disturbed if they didn't memories another paragraphs.

They all envied the Romulans classmates who got eidetic memory while others suffer with their idiotic memory. 

Gosh, she really wrote that in her journal.

Anyway at the end, they were all proved to be qualified remembering all those nonsense.   
Actually it wasn't nonsense at all. It was a true works of Romulan ecologist who found their habitat was endangered by their soon to be supernova star.

You could say that the one who couldn't understand the paper even making a mnemonic device, a song to remember the contents easier. Any romulan adult would be terrified hear the slightest of it. The Romulan kid wasn't enjoying all the superiority provided biologically of the task either.

She could imagine maybe it was like reading game of thrones. Though it was a fictional and more enjoyable than most materials.

What happened to their star now?

Her mind wondering, while she was wandering through the farthest most isolated shelves. 

"Someone's gonna kill you." 

She looked around, but no one was there.

"Hello?" she shouted. Oh, she hated it. When she couldn't run and the tunnel became a ghost house.

"Someone's trying to kill you." It sounds like a machine talking. Like when the tidibot buzzing words instead of just vibrations.

"Show yourself !" She got no choice but to be brave. She could barely move to walk. Even if she tried to crawl it would still need some support from the pelvic bone.

"Run." 

And she obeyed. She was holding on to the shelves while her back felt the biting pain down her spine. She stopped after the adjoining shelves ended. Lost herself in the maze made of shelves. 

"Run."

She wanted to scream. But somehow knew it would worsen the situations. She turn to the right then the left then right again. Until she found the murder cases shelves and saw the door. 

"Don't stop. Run."

Ah, shut up !

She was looking at her back and saw something chase her. Humanoid in form. It shadow fell in between the shelves by the dim light. She was feeling like she was running but really just kicking the floor.

She fell.

"Oh, no. You shouldn't be falling." 

Oh, shut up. She was terrified her arms were trembling hard. 

"Quick, quick he's coming." 

Now, she knew it was he.

She dragged herself towards the door. Then she realized the door was heavy and she had died inside. 

Oh, now she wanted to live more than before. All of the suicidal thoughts couldn't make her surrender more easily.

She had survived.

Hadn't she ?

Good god, what happened next? 

The shadowman didn't even produced any sound. But it was there, maybe watching her. 

What was most terrifying when you felt the angel was ready to take your soul away. And you heard sounds to run away.


	12. The Lullaby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abbe tells stories about how they lived in Daneb IV, how he moved to Threxxa, how he met Steve Chang and a glimpse of why Adelaide died.  
> And also Zora got cured.

Alex was walking to the main door when he saw her. Walked so weird he thought she wasn't real. For some times he really believed she came for him. And he continued his walk. Wished she would notice him and called him. But it wasn't happening. 

She must've been attending her Shift, he saw she entered the Storage room. He was thinking for a while, building some reason he could use to enter the same room. The strong one so that he wasn't going to be looking desperate for her attention. 

_Uh, I was gonna check the air filter program._  
_Monthly task. An important work._

But he doubted whether he was ready for it. 

What if she rejected him ? What if she told him something unpleasant. Or what if he found out she didn't match with him. 

He had so much fear and insecurity, he went to the Martial art class. Not that he needed something in there. But, it had lots of chairs unused, he wanted to sit while he fought his doubt. 

He bit his nail. He used to do this when thinking hard.

Screw it. If she rejected him then be it. The most terrible part was if he didn't know what she might think of him. 

“I'm brave. I'm a gorgeous man. C'mon, Alex you can do this.” he cheered himself. It was seldom happening. 

But, then the children exited their classes. Filled the hallways, blocked his way. Actually he had also got another panic attacks. He had to wait until the children had gone.  
There were so many of them. And they didn't immediately go to the CC but lingering around the hallways. He played with his padd. 

It was a long time of waiting. Eventually the remaining children were being dragged back to CC.

Alex walked to the storage room. His muscular hand easily opened the door. 

“What are you doing on the floor ?” he spotted her curled up on the floor. Eyes closed, when they opened he could see fear. Mouth was shrieking an awful tone.

“C'mon, let's get you some water.” He lifted her, she almost fainted, said something about her back. Then he carried her on his arm.

They walked out of the room, went to the Hallways, planned to go to the clinic, when she asked him to let her go. 

“Let me down. We need to tell Abbe something.”

Her hand moved up and down his shoulder and arm. She brought them to her front and they were trembling.

“Damn, Zora. What happened there ?”

“I, uh, someone's chasing me and I heard voices.” she looked at him, his brow furrowed. Now she was crazy.

He tried to get her down but pain spread throughout her body. 

“No, no. Don't. I don't think I can walk. Can you take me to my quarters ?” She successfully managed her expression so much Alex thought she just wanted to stay in his arms. 

“Okay.” he smiled brightly.

“Thanks for opening the door. I thought I would die.” Her head dizzy, she rested it on his shoulder.

Then the bell rang. Third period started.

“I think we should eat first.” 

_Um, I don't know Alex, I'm kinda in a lot of pain, I think we should go straight to my quarters._

She gulped down her intention.

“Sure.” 

Liar, liar pants on fire.   
She remembered something from a book.  
Where did she read that ? She was completely forgotten.

They climbed upstairs. The tunnel was quiet. Left them alone with their thoughts. People had been sitting in NC for a couple of minutes. They could hear the amplifier from there.

Forget about dinner together along with the Klingon woman piano, this was more romantic. 

“Damn, I'm starving. Can you walk faster ?” She said that with delayed smile. Tried not to be rude, as she always did. 

She wasn't that hungry though. Besides, she had been holding the urge to throw up since in Storage room. 

“Sure.” He was kinda repeating her tone. She was afraid that Xena might see them together. Somehow being with Alex wasn't exciting anymore. Xena was certainly in NC, maybe talking with Sor'hn since Nilua probably refused to eat.

“Get me down before the entrance, will you?” 

Alex hesitated, people here were showering together every day, sometimes he caught they were just entering others shower spot and perhaps making out. 

He was sure they weren't being inappropriate at all. Or maybe it was what he had afraid of.

“Sure.” He didn't change his tone though, it was surprising for him.

They stopped near the door frame of the NC. Zora grabbed it to get steady herself. They walked together to the replicator. 

She was slick with sweat, the kind that make you feel sick and cold. She had been biting her lip since stood on her own feet, it bled. It tasted like metal, once she was a curious little girl, she ate iron powder used for an experimentation, Nora got shocked. They pumped her stomach clean from any debris, if only they knew it had nano particles that had absorbed already.

She opened the lid and walk towards a chair. Head focused on the pain she was holding. Alex was sitting in front of her. It was worse than being carried. 

“So... Where were you when we supposed to eat together ?” Alex reminded himself that maybe it wasn't a date appointment for her.

“What ? Oh, I'm sorry. You know, I was kinda busy... Abbe asked me to do something, and I was carried away, you know... by how fun it was.” Alex nodded his head. Eyes lowered, he looked understanding. She smiled, and he caught her do that. He smiled too. If only he knew, he was being pitied.

“It's fine, I didn't wait too long. I was also busy.” He said. Oh, you bet he was.

Somehow Zora knew it was sarcasm. Maybe because she did that too much, she could detect its existence. She wanted to say something nice to him, without looked like flirting with him. She got no idea how.

They sat down in silence, chewed their meals peacefully. 

“Hello there, love birds ! Been having a good time, huh ?” Xena exclaimed. Teasing smile was on point.  
Zora was nervous.   
Not happening, this is not happening. 

She knew Xena well, they were always together since she was a newborn. She knew she would be happy for her. But she would be hurt. She would cry in her quarters like a child refused to take a nap. She would refuse to eat or work. Then days later would come out from her quarters with a new outrageous hairstyle, or extraordinary clothing. It would trigger her creativity. And she would have new wisdom, that she had learned from the pain. But, it would break her first, she would lose her believe that world is good. She would be less cheerful, and being sad and miserable all the time. 

“I'm done.” Zora said. Xena confused.

“What ? You can't be done. He's still eating. All right, I'm gonna go now. Is that how you hush me ?”

“Right, see ya, Alex.” Xena walked away. 

“Wait, I'm going with you.” Zora shouted. Zora stood and took her tray. Alex glanced up to her in disbelief. He thought, he thought she wanted him to take her home.

“See you, Alex.” She said, but she didn't think it would happen again. Zora stepped away before anyone said anything.

“Wh- Why ?” Xena spun her heeled boots. Regarding her with wonder.

_Was Zora being too nervous, so she walked away ?_

They walked together to dump their tray. 

“We're not dating.” She said when they had reached the tunnels. Away from Alex.

“Wait, what- No. Why ?” 

“Just because....”   
_Because you like him._

“Because ? You don't like him ? He's eating weird or what ?” Xena couldn't understand, she thought Zora likes him.

“I don't know....” 

“Oh, you don't like his hairy chest? Because that can be a turn-off, you know. For some people.”

_What? How she knows his chest is hairy ? Damn, Xena._

Zora was speechless, her eyes widened.

“Oh, don't be so surprised. He liked to take off his shirt while he installed the robot. Girls in Mine were going craaazy. He's kinda hot.” 

_What?_

“See, now you know you like him.” 

“What are you Miners do ?” 

Xena went pale. _Oops_ , that was supposed to be classified information.

“Look, that's not the point. The point is you like him and he likes you. You guys like each other.” 

_Oh, Stupid Xena_. She cursed herself.

“Why you need robot down there ? Energy is limited. Do you even have electricity ?”

Mine in her mind was dark and deep and dangerous. You have to be brave and ready to die any minute. That's why she wanted to belong there, to prove that she was brave, no Zora was brave. 

“Uh, I don't know. I kinda forgot. Bye !” Xena ran away. Her heels click-clacked down the tunnel. Even when she had turned Zora could still hear its sound.  
Her padd rang. 

“Abbe ?”

“Come to Nora's, we need to cure your heart.”

“Alright, I'm coming.” 

She walked to Nora's quarter in strange, painful and long steps. When she rang her bell they opened up quick.

“When do we start ?” 

“Now. But, there is something you need to know first.” Abbe grew older in a day. It was shocking if you know he was her brother.

“Yeah, I also have something to ask.”

“What is it ?”

_What is going on in Mine sector?_

_Why you let Xena went there and kept me here?_ _Didn't you believe me?_

_And who was this Lady I'm copied ? Was she important?_

_What are you gonna use me for ?_

_Why was my heart unstable ? Am I failed product?_

_What's gonna happen to the Andorians ?_

_Oh, yesterday I found something was missing, what is it?_

“You broke my pelvic bones. Are you also gonna fix it ?” 

“Uh, Apologies. Of course. That's it ?”

“Yeah.”

“So, what I'm about to tell you is a very important history of why you were created.” 

“You've told me that, haven't you ?”

“I wanted us to talk about it. Last time you stormed out like a startled mouse.” Abbe was avoiding her eyes. Busied himself with breaker glass in front of him. 

“So, I'm a mouse to you.” Abbe searching her face. Tried to find pain but nothing was being displayed.

“If you mean by hero of knowledge. You're right.” He said, added pressure for each word, so she would understand the mice were precious.

Zora didn't think so, she grew colder and steadier to anticipate him in days after the truth had been told. She wasn't going to be sensitive to him, ever again.

“So what is it?”

“Before Threxxa, our colony lived in Daneb IV. Far away from here deep in the gamma quadrant. It was a beautiful place. Trees were as high as clouds, as big as house, we could live inside it. Flowers were big, beautiful and strong you could hide from predators and storms.

"We ate real food and hunted animals. We brought some ourselves, we grew them in petridish and plastic bag. We were digging mountain full of diamonds and crystals. Ferengi were cheering all day long of river of latinum. The Andorians were called the mountaineers. They lived on top of it where the snow and cold belong. We used to shout to call each other, we didn't have communicator or padd or computer. We even broke down our ship to make houses.

"Decades we've been living in peace. Anyone would know each other. Knew their illness and goodness. But there were some problems. Everyone was gone racist and closed-minded.

"Ferengi's home were cramped near the river. They would forbid others to live there as their group grew larger. More bold as well as greedy. The human wanted to build farms, they wanted to grow rice and maple trees. Maybe some theaters or salons, our people like to talk. But they would cut trees and burn forest. They moved from inside the tree to built wooden house. Klingon and numbers of smaller groups dug the mountains. They build house from metal and rocks. There were still some people lived in the trees.

"One day, the Klingon dug carelessly the snow was falling down. Killed most of them. The Andorians were afraid their settling would crumble down. They fought. They had Cold War. The small number of these miners would change their job and settled at the edge of the river. But, far from the Ferengi. The Ferengi noticed that and made a dam, so that the smallest particles of Latinum couldn't pass through them. Because of that, water was hard to get. Farm and garden were almost impossible to irrigate. Humans-Ferengi relationship grew colder. We fought again.

"The Klingon later felt that Ferengi and Andorian were being xenophobic towards them, fight often happened and the Klingon would often win, the Andorian accused that they had tried to banish them from their land. Ferengi were secretly trading with people out of planet. Their own people, the Freegans.

"I was one of the councillor. Along with two Klingon, one Ferengi, and one Orion. They were a quiet race, the Orion. We had a meeting to discuss the chaos our people had. Everyone wanted their argument to be agreed. Everything had to be fair. But of course we couldn't do that.

"My arguments were to move the Andorian to one place so that the Klingon could dig another mountain. And the Ferengi could bath in their river and broke the dam so Human could get water at ease and everyone would live happily ever after. Of course, they denied. So was I denying them.

"Klingon would be more eager to get the portion of the latinum. Andorian didn't want to be commanded, they had had enough time doing that. The Ferengi of course had more vote, and they were greedy. Even after I recited the aqcuisition numbers of shit.

"I grew bitter, I slept with the Orion. She said she had an idea and I genuinely thought it was. She thought that we're all should live together. We would have people out of planet to help us built underground settlement, people she knew. So we would be able to live together and split the resources fairly. She had the device, but it needed dilithium. The remnants of our ship was in my house. I was falling in love you know. She was evergreen and- 

His eyes were dreamy and emotional. He glanced at her. 

“I gave it to her. I didn't know she was a manipulative whore. She contacted her whatever-it-was. I was wondering why would I believe in outsiders ? We could dig and shape the underground ourselves. I should have known that when she told me she had a comm. Where the hell was that from? So, that's how she sold us.” 

“What happened next ?” 

“We learned from the past and moved on.” He said.

“No, how were you here ? Did you escape ?”

“Actually, I hid, I was hiding when the whatever-it-was abducted children and did their killing spree. They threw photon torpedoes that blew the mountains. Burned the forest, left the Klingon cooked in their house and humans turned to ashes.

"The small group of Ferengi were saved by the trader and sought some helps. They had contacted Federation of Planet, but they ignored us, they had contacted The Star Empire of Romulan, but they were busy of war, the last hope was the Ferengi Alliances, but they didn't do it because our Ferengi were a sinner in their homeland.

"Last days of my hiding I was starving, I went out and got caught. The Orion sold me to the auction. I was cheap. God, with one foot barely working I was going to be a meatball at the black-market. My name was on the displays. Abraham Darwin Lodner. Genetics Engineer. Brown eyes. Brown skin. Fine meat. Steve Chang bought me. He wasn't thin then. No one would suspect he wasn't going to eat me.”

“I thought your name was just Abbe Lodner.” 

“Oh, really ?”

“Yeah, because it has two B instead of one.”

“Oh, there was a reason for that.”

“What is it ?”

“I have Darwin as my middle name, what do you think happened?”

“You got mocked ?”

“I was Abe but my classmates would draw a line to extend the b so it appears p. Ape Darwin Lodner.”

“Oh. That's horrible.”

“I hate it because they didn't call me my own name, but the other things instead. Not because I think I was better than an Ape. We were all apes.” 

“Oh, yeah. Of course.” Zora immediately knew how his brain was working.

“So, how you build these?”

“Steve had a ship and crews, a bunch of Romulan escapees. And he had also a special device. It could manipulate time. If you think space and time were a sheet of paper then universe its like a book, piles of paper stacked together and you could turn that back and forth like you read a book.”

“Wow.” It was a mind-blowing thing for her. She didn't do great physics.

“How he got the device ?” 

“I don't know. But what I knew is that he came from the future. He said that the destruction of my colony was affecting the future. So he had to go back and save us.”

“So, are these people here were supposed to be dead or what ?”

“Oh, not yet. He got caught by the federation. A starfleet captain had caught their ship and took away his device. But he knows how to take them back. Besides, he had it now. But it's locked.”

“Starfleet captain ? Is there something to do with me?” Her heart was pounding, she could hear it through her ears. Those dreams, she recalled.

“My Sister was his wife. By the time Steve bought me he knew I was a Lodner, that I could help him to talk with her. I've been in Risa to meet her. But she was different, and difficult to ask.”

“Why?”

“Because her husband was a Vulcan, he had manipulated her to ignore me. Even after I told her the reason we need the device. He had been meddling with her mind, so they became one. Parted but never apart.” Now, his emotion thrummed throughout his body, his spat out every sentence with hatred so thick, some of it were landing on her skin.

“Did you kill her ?” Gosh, Zora. Why were you being straightforward just now?

“No. I would never kill my baby sister.” His eyes became crazy with build-up anger, then softened when he said baby part.

“Then who killed her ? Certainly, there was someone getting benefits of her death.” she sounded like he was the one who did it. _Relax, girl. If she didn't die you wouldn't be standing here._

“Then you must ask her husband, he was the one who had the benefit of her death, he believes in Federation like he believes Surak. To get the device we need her alive.”

“But she was his t'hylla.” Abbe barely heard her. 

“That's why we need you too.”

“What are you going to do to me ?”

“We need you to be her, fully her. Because we didn't know what the lock wants.” 

“Will it hurts ?”

“You will be given sedative.”

“Will Zora in me die ?”  
Abbe hesitated to answer.

“This was what I want to talk about. The procedure is one way things. I don't know how it would affect your consciousness, but I'm confident that it will be successful. You will be alive, but which one of you ? I don't know yet.”

“Why don't you tested it to your mouse before you do it to me.”

“I have no symbiont for that. If we get the device, we can get both of you back.”

“But there is a chance I wouldn't.”

“After all my stories, child. We can save them, the Danebs and The Andorians.” 

_They would be save._

“Okay.” She heard herself saying that. She sounded far away, she was hesitant.

“Change your clothes and lay there.” He gave her a sheet of cloth and turned away, gave her place to change.

She was in a very thin papper like dress. So fragile, just like herself.

She laid down on the biobed in the middle of the room.

Abbe pricked her vein with needle, it hurt. More than her back hurt now that she knew he did that in single attempt. As if he had prepared for this all her life. The sedative was flowing through her, she was in a blur haze. She was on the edge of subconscious.

“If I die, would you miss me Abbe ?”

“I will.” Abbe didn't need to see to know she went under. 

“Really ? Because I don't think so.”

“You are my sisters clone, it makes you my sister too, genetically.”

_So cold._

“What about your heart ? Did it say I'm your beloved sister ?”  
He stood still. Oh, he had had a thought of that. 

“No.” 

“Good, because never in my whole life I would call you brother. You were more like a killer-instructor, or a nagging foreman, a scary old man, a father.”

He saw her, her eyes closed. She had gone, he thought.

“Tell Xena I don't like Alex.”

“Why do you think I'm your father ?”

“Obviously, we had the same name, we kinda look alike, if you weren't too old, maybe. At first.”

“But then I knew, and still wanted to think that way. Cause you make me, I guess. I'm grateful Abbe with two b.”

“You were like Frankenstein and I'm your monster.”

 _A monster you didn't expect_. Abbe thought.

“Anything else ?” He asked. But, no answer.  
She had truly gone this time.

He had prepared the symbiont, it now laid at the silver bowl on his hand. He took it out and landed it on her temple. It looks like a leech that had gone extinct from earth. But it was white, as a talc powder.  
It wiggled around between her frontal and sphenoid bones, then stuck there. And now what left to do was wait.


	13. The Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zora met Addie.

Zora was sitting on the NC chair looking upon the podium, there was nothing up there, but she was expressive almost as if there were act going on.

She heard the click-clack sound of Xena's heels and turned her head. But it wasn't Xena, it was herself. Dressed in a flowy green gown. She was like earth forest fairy.

“Hi, me.” She said. And the green gown version of her walked closer. She smiled, she smelled fantastic. Like some flowers had grown on her clothes before she wore it.  
She sat in front of her. Gracefully like she never did. She could observe her from close distance.

“Zora.” She said. She realized it wasn't herself.

“You're Abbe's sister ?”

“I am whoever you think I am.”

“You're Adelaide Lodner.”

“And I believe you are Zora Lodner.” Gosh, she was lovely. 

“Pretty dress.” Zora said. 

“Thank you, I love green.”

“I love green too.”

“Really ? I don't know that. You can wear this if you want.” Wow, she was even kind-hearted.

“Oh, I won't be able to pull that on. Probably gonna rip it.”

“That's fine. No one is here to see me. I could wear nothing and no one will know.”

“Don't be. Because I will.”

“Do you think we both can wear this dress ?”

“Nu-uh, it's form fitting even though have a long tail. I don't think so.” They stopped talking for a while.

“Your top's lovely.” She pointed her finger to her sweater.

“Thanks, this is the best clothes I have.” She admitted.

“It looks comfortable. Blue really looks good on you.” Zora thought Adelaide expression grew sadder.

“You wanna switch off clothes ?” She asked her, of course she would object, what was she thinking.

“If you want to.” 

“Really ?” 

“Yes, that would be lovely.”

They then stripped naked, Zora was busy unlaced her boots. But, Adelaide had stripped down to her toes. Her clothes and heels were at the table waiting to put on. 

“I wouldn't mind wearing nothing.” She said, but her boots were stubborn, formed as her seconds skin at the wrong moment. She should have been wearing her sandals. But, that means Adelaide would wear her slippery sandals too. She wouldn't want that.  
So she took off her sweater and gave it to her. Her pants were tucked in to her boots it was impossible getting it out.

“Ugh, I really want to try your dress, but my pants won't come off.”

She already had her top on, and it was lovely on her. She cheered like Zora never had. But now she smiled looking at how happy Adelaide was. 

She put on her dress, its bodice pressed her body like nothing she had expected. She could barely breathe. But it supported her bosom like nothing could.

“Your sweater is great, can I keep it ?”

“But it is my best clothes.”

“You can have mine.”

“It can't be worn in the tunnels, people would step on its tail.” She felt the sudden anger she didn't know where it came from. 

“It looks lovely on you. You're like warrior princess pairing that with your boots and pants.”

“Thanks, I guess. But the open shoulder makes me chilly.” She admitted that.

“You know what, put this back on.” She was emotional but considerate. She was a goddess.

She pulled out the sweater and put that on Zora. Now she was naked again. But, it wasn't a big deal for her. But was it a big deal for Adelaide ?

“Aren't you cold ?”

“No, I got no body, how am I suppose to feel cold?” She asked. 

“I'm sorry you're dead.”

“Oh, it's not your fault.” she smiled and shoved her hand.

“Who's kill you?” Gosh, your mouth Zora.

“I don't know, what do you think?”

“Your husband?” She stayed still, expressionless. Refused to answer her question, but she knew the man was the death of her. Someone had played the piano, My Heart Will Always Go On filled the dome. 

“Do you think if someone decides to make a Titanic ship would it be the same as the legendary Titanic ?” Adelaide asked. 

“No, I guess. It could have the same design, but still the real Titanic was laying on the seabed.”

“But it would have their furniture and all.” Adelaide said. 

“I don't know.”

“It could be Titanic 2.0.” Adelaide said

“Yes. But, they still aren't gonna be the same.”

“Because to be the legendary Titanic you have to be sinking.”

“Right. “ For this Zora agreed.

“Do you want to know about Abbe?” Zora asked. 

“Abbe the Ape. No.” she giggled.

“Why ? He's your brother, he created me, so he can be with you.”

“He created you, so he can be him. The man he always wants to be.”

“Hey, I think so too.”

“Because we're the same.”  
Zora weirdly understood. Her expression was unreadable, like she wanted to ask but couldn't.

“Is there anything you wanna know?” Zora asked, Adelaide expression grew sadder again. Then Zora knew, it wasn't what she wanted. 

“What happened after you're dead? If I may ask. What did you feel?”

“It was hurt at first, knowing I would leave anything. But then I felt nothing. Nothing until you were created.”

“Why?”

“I guess, you know.”

“So I kinda like take over your turn ?”

“Exactly.”

“But, how about you?”

“I'm going anywhere you go.”

“If I die, you die as well?”   
She nodded.

The bell rang. Funny how it was just her and Adelaide in there.

“I think I've got to go.” Adelaide said

“I don't want you to go. I hate being alone.”

“I'm always with you. You're Titanic 2.0”

“It means that I have to sink down to be like you.”

“It means that you're a better version of me.”

“Why ?”

“You will travel around the world and won't be sinking.”

“I will ?” But, again she refused to answer. As if Zora had known the answer and just being silly.

“Be strong, Zora.”

“Be strong, Addie.”

And she was gone. The NC was still deserted. And she was dressed down in layers she thought she would be sweating a lot. But actually she was pretty comfortable. She went to the replicator and opened up the lid. It was just a glass of flavored water. But, hey, it's her favorite flavored water. She would be staying up all night after drank this. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The inspiration was getting wider, y'all. Check my bookmark, I'm a big fan, they are all Lord and Lady of the Star Trek fanfict world.


	14. The Victims

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> V'Karr was more than you know. What he was capable to do ?  
> But no one ask why he did it.

Stryk was looking at the planet like reflective giant ball with awe and slight fear. Vice minister was overlooking at it from the bridge main window.

“Vice minister, are you sure we could go inside it, sir ?” He was going to say “the ball” but hesitated.

“Affirmative, Captain. From what I was informed, the Science ship was able to penetrate the gravitational field after they turned off their warp drive.”

“But, without warp drive we could only accelerate in a very slow motion.” 

“The wormhole is a knot of space and time, Captain. If we wrinkled them, tell me again, what would possibly happen ?” He stared through P'Banu eyes, her eyes widened in surprise.

“The wormhole would collapse. Sir.” She said, her voice cracked a bit. And she wanted to meditate now and there. 

“The wormhole would collapse, Stryk. Now, would you proceed ?”

Stryk was like, I could hear that, illogical.

“Negative, sir. Minister Solak didn't send approval for this.” Stryk was sitting straighter on his rolling chair. V'Karr could see himself spun him around as fast as possible to make him burn. 

“Did you even know why I was sent abroad this ship, Stryk? Certainly not to have you mocking me. I am the representative of the Vulcan Security and Defense. Did you even realize you had denied your own government task to obey my command ?” 

“It is not yet approved to be safe, sir. I believe our travelling is supposed to help the Science ship not to be helped.” He was one of the most entitled men Stryk ever met. Despite his lower position, Stryk was older, had more experience. What had he known to take a wise decision? 

“What do you think of safety? It is Battleship. We aren't supposed to be safe. We are supposed to go to dangers and come back to prove whether it's dangerous or not. Now that the Science ship had gone there. They had proven themselves to be braver than we are. And you refused. What are we, Stryk? No, what are you?”

He was trying to heed all his words, yet this Vice Minister of him was a former captain of an adventure ship. Certainly in his very logical mind this situation was more similar to observe wild flowers, or spying primal creatures. He could no longer compromise with this madness.  
Patience, this man is in Pon Farr, it was wonderful he didn't fracture your neck yet. 

“It is not where to test my cowardice, sir. I'm being rational and calculative.”

“What kind of logic is that ? Please explain it to me.” V'Karr tone wasn't harsh at all, but it struck his vanity.  
Ponfo Miran, he should have been meditating in peace on Vulcan with his family, enjoying the warm breeze from his balcony back at home. In peace instead of arguing with this person. He took a very deep breath.

“I am working below Minister Solak, sir. I was working in the same mannerisms as I had always been for the past forty years. And no one ever proved me wrong since.”

“Oh, is that so ? Well, that is unfortunate. No wonder Vulcan didn't show up at the Romulan War. Because their ship's Captain was being rational and calculative. Therefore, he wasn't a coward. Merely just being logical.”

“Sir.”

“Stryk! We will go there, No matter what Minister Solak said.”

“Your bravery as a starfleet captain couldn't be applied here, sir. We are different from the federation. We are Vulcan government soldiers. We work under Minister Solak. We have been armed with the most advanced weaponry, if we gone stranded the worst thing would surely happen.”

“It's like talking to a Romulan, with you, Stryk. You're as paranoid and hostile as they were.”  
That is it. Stryk had had enough. He would remove himself from his seat and meditated in his quarters.

V'Karr saw him wavered.   
Poor, Stryk. He shouldn't have to compare him to Romulan. Romulan was braver. 

“Then I will go to my room to meditate, Sir.” Stryk stood up from his chair.

“P'Banu is the captain while I'm resting.” He said. V'Karr tilted his head and nodded.

“Are you also working below Minister Solak and dismiss our mission?” He asked her, no P'Banu had walked to the captain's chair ready to sit on it.

“This one works as your commands, Vice minister.” She said, and it made his day. How nice to have people listening to you. 

“Very well, Captain. Should we go now ?” He asked. Clasped his hand back and looked at the wormhole with new enthusiasm. 

P'Banu commanded to turn off the wrap drive. And went towards the wormhole with only the thrusters. She knew they would be able to enter the gravitational field without shattered their ship. The shield was intact. But the cloaking device had been shut down along with the warp drive. 

The gravity wasn't ultimately pulling the ship to enter their space inside but rather bounced them back outside for a moment. Then the thrusters accelerated them farther in. About one third part had entered the wormhole when their ship shook violently.

“There is something attacking us, Sir.”

“The shield had been shutting down since we went inside the wormhole.”

“What is it?” V'Karr had fallen, he said while he tried to stand on his feet. 

“The Radar caught Klingon bird of prey, but they are nowhere to be seen.”

The Ship shook again, more furiously this time. The crew had strapped on their seats. V'Karr and V'Zaan were walking to the emergency seat at the corner. They had gone out of the wormhole.

“Hail them !”

“Copied, sir. “

“Are they here yet?”

“They aren't responding, sir.”

“Shield up !” He was shouting order like P'Banu wasn't there. Left her to meditate on her own. 

“Remind me again where are we?”

“We are in Beta Quadrant-”

“Whose territory are we in?” He cut off the answer right away, knowing it was going to be a long sentence.

“The Neutral Zone of Romulan and The Federation of Planet, Sir.”

“Indeed.” He said knowing their people it must be because they were near their territory not entering it yet. Indeed, they were trying to make them undergo the provocative action first, so there was going to be war between Vulcan and Romulan.

“Warn them, P'Banu. Let see are they listening or not.” 

“This is T'Janikrel Captain, you are being hailed, and we are waiting for response. You had just attacked the Vulcan Government property. If you aren't willing to stop, we will respond to the attack in the same way.”   
Then the monitor went static. A Klingon man with rings on his face was behind it, the static had changed.

“T'Janikrel.” Everyone went still. He was a very dangerous looking man with metal ornaments all over his face. As if everything on him could be a weapon.

“I saw you were going around our territory for a long time. The Vulcan ship had been spying on us !”

V'Karr wanted to talk to him, but he didn't know his name yet. Somehow it made him less approachable.

“We were not spying on you. We never went to your territory. You had accused the wrong party.”

“Then why are your ship went around us ? We have attacked you to send message to your allies. That Klingon is not made of fear.”   
Indeed, this nonsense.

“We have a thing to do and a place to go. But, it has nothing to do with the Klingon. Let us alone, and we will forget this time ever happened.” V'Karr voice were steady like stream of hot water running down the river passing Sukkunnel'khar. 

“And what is this thing you want to do?”

“We cannot inform you. It is confidential matter, I believe you understand the term.” Wrong place to say that in front of Klingon. Suddenly the hot river turned to scalding temperature and boiled his mind.

“We only let you go after you tell us.”

The tension went heavier, If they tell them, they would want to know everything. Why they went there, for what, why they were stranded, was that the weakness of their ship, how they came so fast, and eventually why they wanted to help the Romulan and why they installed their new protective shield over their planet. His Vulcan pride was screaming to be released. They didn't need to tell anyone. They shouldn't interfere their government's business.

“Then you are forcing us to take measures.”  
The communication had broken. It was true that you couldn't talk with Klingon. You would want to bend them first in order to make them listening.

  
“Be ready to fire the photon torpedoes.” He said, they had pushed them to the edge. The last thing they would do was pulling the trigger.

  
“Vice minister, this is exactly what Minister Solak worries about.” V'Zaan said in a very low tone. A human would hardly hear what he had said. 

  
“They made us do this, V'Zaan. And we are not taking orders from a Klingon.”

  
“Is there any chance we could outrun them ?” He asked. 

  
“The chance would be very small, Sir. Because we couldn't see where they are. We could hardly count the exact possibility. But, it is around 1,3789% it includes the chance of them being everywhere and them being nowhere.”   
Indeed, any Vulcan had come with those number the moment they attacked.

“Then we will do the human way.”

“Sir ?”

“Vice minister?” V'Zaan tried to remind him of himself.

“We will just go for it.”

“But, sir the chance of us doing random motion and losing is even higher. You might want to reconsider your decision.” P'Banu was nearly insisting. She knew that the Vice minister was a bold man, but she didn't know he was low in basic intelligence as well.

“Then what you want us to do, Captain. Pull the trigger ?”

“Sir, the best option for this situation is negotiating with them.”

“Didn't you hear what he said ? He wants to know our government business.”

“We can tell them our purpose, Sir. What led us here and why. It is not a suspicious activity.”  
Oh, this woman was naive. V'Karr almost wanted to ask her to be his assistant. And in time when he could ravish-  
He shook his head. What was he thinking ?

“We can not captain. That is it.” He hissed, and V'Zaan worried about the tension in his voice. As if V'Karr was trying to repress something urgent. 

“Then there is nothing we can do. Sir.” She said. P'Banu was calculating Vice minister's expression, the added line between his brows. The green flush on his cheeks. And his lips that closed to a thin dark green line. He must've gotten fever or something. 

“Sir ?” V'Zaan called him, V'Karr was trembling hard on his seat. Eyes closed, knuckles white on his lap.

“I need to meditate immediately, V'Zaan.” When his eyes opened, it was full of bloodshot.

“But, we are in the middle of attack. Cousin, you must endure it.” His tone lowered, as if wanted to paint the emotion through the dynamic of his voice which V'Karr admired, that was how his great grandfather spoke. Steady and impactful as a waterfall, slowly sculpting the rocks at the bottom.

Clearly his grandmother was always cherished his father more than her mother. The elderly man recited Surak's like none other, he was singing its words. Make it sad, make it cheerful, make it as if it was the most righteous book ever written. He would likely to yawn whenever he heard it, bored. But, of course he did not yawn right away. He would wait until he was alone, or when he was inside his room.

Then he would off to the forest, dug the soil under tree's root looking for a giant insect, climbed the tree to see how far up he could go. Sometimes the tree branches was strong enough for supporting his weight he could see the Vulcan horizon from above the hill. The sand storm in the west, the gray clouds in the south, the two sun in the east, orange if he went earlier he would see it appears red. Then the branch would mostly break, and he fell to the ground. Sometimes he would be stuck on the lower branches while crying for help. Then the shuttle would hoover above him, beam him in to the nearby hospital.

Sometimes he was there looking at the sky while it was raining. Then hours later people in her grandmother's house would find him gone. Sometimes he had the insect in his gripping hand, let it clawed his flesh so he could feel the pain. Then he realized it was the realest thing he had felt since. That it was hurt, that he didn't question himself at night whether it was real or not. That it felt good knowing he was completing the task of feeling things. All the time people just ask him to repress, to endure, to meditate it away while he was standing there without knowing what to endure, what to repress, what to recite when he was meditating.

At one point his grandmother said he had gone too far, and she was meddling with his mind, taught him things, implanted his mind with the memories that wasn't his. She would compare him with his father who he never met, to the point he resented himself for having half of that man DNA. For what he could conclude it was her who had gone too far. 

She would forbid him for reading story book, or playing simulations in his padd, or drawing, or playing music. Said there were no such things in Surak teaching to tell them to do all of that. And he would be left alone with his padd full of science books and a copy of Surak teaching.

By the age of fourteen he was bonded with T'Elvin. She would come to his grandmother's house once every twenty-five days, then he would go to her house after another twenty-five days.

T'Elvin was descendants of Surak. V'Irra was more proud of her than her own grandson. Her clan was another matriarch of another region. Her house was in the middle of a cliff. The windows set high with balcony and a hole for arrows or phaser. The roofs were all half circle with woods and varnished with shiny coating. So many women in her house, women in his house was only V'Irra and some of her assistant, his uncle's wife lived in their own Clan's house, for they were the most important part of the family. In front yard there were a huge wooden bridge, V'Karr and T'Elvin used to play on that bridge most of the time. Throwing rocks or playing with the echoes of their voices. They've scarred the animals, she said, and if one of them was chasing them, they would run away with hands held together.

One time he saw her smiling, another time she saw his smile. Then they were embarrassed by the act and flushed green. Then he knew he was feeling something new. That he was gratified knowing her sought his hand in time of danger, that so was he seeking her before he ran away. That he wanted to find something new with her. All his life.

V'Karr could feel the biting pain when he slammed his head back on the wall behind him. The bridge was busy maintaining the shield and other things barely knew what was making the noise.

But, V'Zaan was strapped right next to him. He mostly wanted to resign this time. And would apply for Nurse job as it was easier than assisting this man. If only his father wasn't so obedient to grandmother. He would off to the ancient cave digging Surak's old parchment or maybe his neighbor's vase. He was passionate for such work.

He was often dreaming finding giant Le'matya bones down the desert. Then he would get the R'Hafi award, and travel across the planet showing off his discovery, educating the audience who were mostly curious.

“V'Zaan get my regenerator, I've bled myself.” V'Karr's katra wanted him to jump around the bridge, performing some ancient dance mating rituals. But he held it together with his fist balled up, the sharp edge of his uncontrollably growing nails cut his palm.

V'Zaan almost frowned, the first aid kit wasn't anywhere nearby, and the whole ship was swaying uncontrollably. But he unbuckled his strap and walked away to get the thing. 

When he came back the bridge was illuminated in red light. He saw V'Karr was standing, off from his seat commanding to fire the torpedo, the target was on the monitor of one of the crew but there was nothing there, but the dark space and starlights. Then the empty space exploded. Sent their ship away from it. 

“Klingon can not have their shield for protection when they use their cloaking device.” He concluded, his bloodshot eyes were closed with his inner eyelid for a second.

The crew members glanced at each other, P'Banu rose from her seat.

“Set the direction to the wormhole, let's get this mission accomplished.”

But, nobody was excited. They were lazily setting the computers. As if something was amiss, handful of things was mistaken. And shame was like hanging on the air, along with grief and all negative vibes.

They left the remnants of the Klingon ship that couldn't be annihilated by their warp core. 

V'Karr didn't notice how powerful the torpedoes he ordered to send was. He was sure it wasn't what he had aimed. But he was dizzy and nauseous, and he could barely contain himself not to jump on to the nearest woman he could reach. He strapped himself back on his seat again. Hands trembled and palms ached. His inner eyelid closed on its own, and he closed his eyes to cover that.

“Cousin, there have been a research saying the usage of regenerator can accelerate the Pon Farr phase, I was wondering if you didn't yet know about that.” 

V'Karr was astonished, indeed he didn't know that. All this time he was fooling around with that thing on his pocket, for maybe he hurt himself on the way to his office, he didn't want people assume that he was careless or engaged in barbaric action whatsoever. Because he didn't.

His grandmother always said that if he did barbaric action he will send to his mother's clan house. And he was terrified, however, it was the feeling he always had whenever his grandmother was around. Fear. She would call him by his full name.

Vshalha K'Arev Svi'khiori 

(By the desert wind between the star)

His mother came from rural area of Sukkunel'khar, not just lower clan but the lowest clan his grandmother couldn't possibly imagine marrying her son. 

The place where the trees stopped growing, and the water was barely accessible. Even rain refused to pour into this region. The heat was unimaginable. His mother's house was built with woods and rocks, it was scalding hot inside.

Some said her clan used to live in a cave, up in the mountains near the volcano. That's why they were immune to higher temperature. They were poor, whilst his father seemed to own the city. He lived a glamorous life, as a star. The unfortunate prince of Vshalha.

If they were true to the Vulcan way, V'Karr would lawfully live in his mother's house. Bearing her clans name, if there was no hierarchy system that seems discriminating. 

He could have other name, not the one his grandmother named him. He appreciated her efforts to make a new name from scratch for him, his cousins all named after their ancestors. The noble name.

She was simply calling him K'Arev, desert wind, unnecessary and even irritating, when you drove across the desert and the wind blew the sand crackling against car's windows. Broken the air filter, and increased your expenses.

One time when he was falling to the ground from above Kai tree, one hand gripped Rash-ravot, an insect, some flesh-eating bird was trying to eat it. It was certainly going to lose and when he realized he was climbing down the tree, tried to reach the small one and the branch where his feet step on it snapped. Sent him to the ground for the umpteenth time. He went unconscious.

Maybe his grandmother reached him through their bond that had snapped along with his consciousness so that they could save him. When he awake the insect had been crushed in his own hand, later he learned that it wasn't him who subconsciously crushed the animal, but his grandmother's typical method to teach him about the cycle of life. For what he could learn was she was ruthless, even cruel. 

From then on he started to confront her. She claimed to know what's best for him. For all people. Except herself. She was resisting urges to send him away all this time. That it was her who was suffering from his mischief.

Then guess who was meditating for 42 hours? He was.

If curious is an act of mischievousness then how come V'Zaan could practice his indulgence in her backyard digging soil and making disarrangement of her very home. Maybe because he got his father to help him to rearrange the yard. And a mother to teach him if he was in the left. All of those facts only making him sad. He didn't ask for her, he always wanted his parents, Why was he an orphan ? He wanted to be able to choose his own robes, his own room decorations, his own trees that he could climb, the landscape that he could see alone. 

Alone, maybe he just wanted her to leave him alone. A little part of his inclination was to make her proud of him, just a bit and it didn't last long. Sadness turned to anger, it was more like thunderstorms inside him, the urge to destroy things. That would eventually destroy himself. 

There was a technique his grandmother often used if he was gotten by his emotional turmoil. Kae'k'akkayam. Mind-retraining. Not only it suppressed the emotions, it would also amputate feelings. At the time the session ended you won't feel any pain from your emotions, sadness, guilt, affection. There was also a report that it could cause deteriorating in sense which right or left. Meaning, she drove him crazy. Which was sad because she was gone crazy as well.

He was still a child and lost his sense of feelings was troublesome, let alone he always wanted to embrace it. He was looking for it. In the forest, down the lake, up on the mountain, deep in the cave. For her, he only sought trouble. Maybe he wanted attention, because a child like him was lack of any.

He would meld with animals, a crying baby, if it was possible he wanted to meld with the wind, it sounded sad whispering to his ear. He wondered what it was feeling ? And the clouds, why it was crying ? And the sun's, what made they beam like that ?

What was happiness, what was peace, why people kept saying those. Were those things important? What if he couldn't feel any?

“Cousin.” And his eyes fluttered open. He caught V'Zaan feet. He was strapped on his seat. Head hung looking down at the floor. His palms were green, why were they bleeding?

“V'Zaan, the Klingon-”

“We did it. They are out of sight, Sir. We are now inside the wormhole.”   
His head dizzy, it trembled faster than before. He felt sick.

“My hands...” He said, he was ashamed that he forgot the moment that had just passed. 

“You can bandage them, Sir. The equipment is ready in your quarter.” It meant that he had to go to his quarter because his conditions worsened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got to go SAT around this time, wish me luck.


	15. Going Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Did Abbe just failed ?  
> Steve Chang is missing his family.  
> Nora, Alex, So'rhn, Xena found themselves.

Standing there was the worst thing she ever did, hands wet of precipitation, feeling so nervous.

 _Why does Abbe want her here?_

Then she saw it, Zora's body magically appeared on the metal table in the middle of the room. She saw Alex was gasping in surprise. He looked wretched _, why is he reacting that way?_

Then she paid much more attention to Zora.  
Abbe was adjusting her position, placing her hands on her belly. When he finally moved out of her sight, she could see her very long black hair created streams of black river on the metal bed beneath her, her usual brown skin was lifeless, yellow and parched.

_Oh, is she dead ?_

Her chest wasn't moving. 

_Why it isn't moving ?_

Suddenly, upon realization she couldn't hear anything, only loud buzz between her ears. 

_It can't be._

How long they didn't see each other? More than a week, she thought, Zora was healthy the last time they met. She was walking and talking, her eyes still looking at her the same way Nora did. The judgmental gaze.

Since the Andorian tragedy. There had been riot, protesting to catch the real killers, that it was not natural causes that killed them. The survivors gave their testimonies about the horrendous event, and they told that it was, at first like a wave of light impaired their radar, they caught them off guard when it kicked off their systems. The light was moving creating vibrations shaking their every cell. Disturbed their potential energy. Rendering them paralyze. And killed the blue babies and toddlers in their sleep.

Such technology that they could trace back at Xindi War near Earth a century ago. When the Andorian helped Human fighting against Xindi as part of the UFP. Once when Vulcan government was reluctant with their help.

Then when they finally did knock out the Xindis, Vulcan came out to escort them home. Cause their home world was close. That being said, the victim suspected the Vulcan had come to their tunnel bringing something, some weapon that could kill Andorians, and only Andorian. 

The Vulcan was being protected from the Threxxan as the words spread. She couldn't see them in NC or out of the tunnel anymore as they were being held captive in their quarters.

Hell, Xena was thinking the accuse was dubious. They seem innocent, like they were lost and being called out for something they never did. They're hot though, those cold gaze and subtle smirk they had. Maybe that's what affecting her judgement. 

Anyway, the victim's logic was sound. There was never any natural causes that killed the Andorian for almost thirty years since they built the colony. Unless if you count baby Threxxa. Mortality rates increased significantly only after the Vulcan came. 

Zora must have agreed to anything that could unveil the truth. She had a kink for detective work and stuff like that. She couldn't fathom how did she ask for the job. She would have closed her eyes tight when the needles punctured her skin. Then it would fail because her muscle was too tense. She would brag it to Nilua and So'rhn, Orion and Romulan both can't handle much pain. She would do dangerous stuff and survived though. Coming out with great new story to share. But as she was laying there, Xena didn't think she was going to share her story at all. 

_How ?_

She looked at Abbe demanded an answer, but no voice came out. Only a squeal. Then her eyes blurred. She cried. There was someone hugged her. They were warm, too warm to be human.

Someone cried, louder than her. As if there was more pain in her shrill. She was screaming, running towards Abbe tried to punch him with her weak wrinkled fist.

“You said you won't fail. Bring her back to me ! Bring her back, Abbe !” 

It'a Nora, Xena recognized. Abbe blocked up her blow to his chest. Nora felt her feet was weakening and someone caught her.

“Tonight, we are gathering to remember our dear friends, Zora Lodner. Who dies as a hero. In an attempt to remedy our situation after the current disaster.” Steve was standing in front of the others in his very bright colored jacket. The one of his favorite, only use it for special occasions. There was genuine sadness in his eyes, although he wanted to scream out loud for being homesick and finally could go home. He was happy and it was added to his sins list. He would remember her though. He promised to himself.

They knew from what they had being told that she was assigned in Lazarus Project. A promise to revive the dead Andorian. They need a subject that was not a mouse, and of course the Helper was the chosen one. 

She was conscious for a short period of time, then entered comatose phase as soon as she was finishing her last questions.

_Where am I ? it's cold._

_Why am I here ?_

Steve had believed it was Adelaide talking. They had this machine that connected to her. A newcomer from Tech Shift had been helping him with the whole situation. Vest-like device that penetrate through her spine and received or it was more like hijacked her nervous system, so that they needn't press her further.

It was fast, too fast, he thought. He was afraid she wouldn't make it till the end. But she did. It must have been hurt, when she had cardiac arrest and they did nothing to help her. He had heart problems as well, he knew how painful it must be. Yet he was standing still, looking at her wiggling figure with fear of not coming home.

But, remembering what that woman would had done to him was fair enough. Unlike her preventing him to come home, he made her going home instead. But between those thoughts, he knew that she wasn't just Adelaide, but also the Threxxa-born girl he had known since she was a baby. Long haired toddler running around in Abbe's quarters, playing hide-and-seek with Nora when they had to have urgent meeting. Her giggling voice that always reminded him of his own son. Oh, how awful he misses him.

She was quiet just like him. Preferring to observe before work in the field. But, Henry would have used to be bullied at his academy. Don't know what's wrong with his son, why the bullies keep preying on him.

Thanks to him, the girl didn't get any bullying here. As this was his ideal world, he built it from scratch, after lost a good amount of wealth to buy the rest of the population of Daneb IV, so that Abbe wanted to work, it was fortunate they were all quite young when he bought them. Unless they wouldn't be any people left here. Maybe because the older one had been slayed by the Syndicate when they got the others. How cruel the Orion was.

There was an Orion here, he recalled. Female Orion who attracted to another female. So they're rather useless for their slavery system. He hoped they're happy here, for what he knew they work at Children Centre. They're popular as well, people said they have beautiful voice. The children must have been happy being able to listen to her voice everyday. _Oh, he has been good, hasn't he ?_

“But, we must not lose our hope. There are still much experimentation that's going to be successful in the future, so we could bring back our friends back home.” He said again, with steadier tone than before. Home, he thought. And he felt stronger, as if his muscle hadn't had any atrophy.

“So she shall rest in peace.”

There weren't so many people in there but still the echoes of his voice was maddening for Nora. She shall not rest in peace for the rest of her life. Poor girl. Her poor little girl. Not even the lord was holding her fate. It was these little man, being petty and ruined everything. She shouldn't have given birth to her.

At the sight of her naked body laid on the table, she found her upper chest area bruised badly. She hoped she could unseen that. That made her only wanted to make the same marks to Abbe chest. The one that he could bring along as a reminder. That he is a murderer. A fucking murderer, but what came out from her throat was just shriek and squeal. Maybe she was too old, to fighting against men. Even if the man was older than her.

That's the problem with women, isn't it? Being physically weaker but emotionally stronger, at the time of fighting they would use their greatest power through speak only to have men called them as “the mouth”.

Nora now understand why Zora had used her fist against her opponent. Maybe she was tired of explaining, or asking. And insisting through the blow. As she was now. Only made her heart tear apart, how that she had been fighting all her life. Maybe deep down in her “customized brain pattern” there was always Adelaide in her that saw this unfair treatment of herself.

Oh, Adelaide. Why was that woman treated like the center of the universe ? Dead and fetching. 

“Let's bring you back home.” Someone dragged her, away from her daughter cold body. She wanted to faint, hoping somehow, when she would regain consciousness she would be there, but alive, asking whether she is all right, and would off with Xena after that, climbing some trees and walking and talking. Just like how it should be. But, she shouldn't be here at the first place. There shouldn't be Zora at all.

“I still want to be here.” she said, but they dragged here nonetheless. Now as she was gone, she realized not even her word was heard. Even after much fist fight she had never done before.

“I'm hoping that people would put their trust back to us. These incidents would never be repeated in the future. You have my words.”

It was too late, Nora had hated him since. Hated living here, as she never felt before. She could have farm on earth, a beautiful tropical fruit garden. Patches of meadow that had wild flower and some trees where she can read book underneath. Maybe she would be childless and loveless, or lonely. But she wouldn't experience such pain.

 _What if they take Xena? She is quite similar to Adelaide._ Eye color could be changed, hair texture could be manipulated. No, not her Xena. She fainted. The thought was too overwhelming for her.

The Klingon that had dragged her lifted her on her arms and passing through the tunnel to the Health Center. She wasn't going home after all. 

Alex was wrecked for sure, he had seen Adelaide Lodner in Zora with his own eyes. His heroine. Only to watch her dying, and he was responsible for that. He attached the Lie Detector, he was the one who killed her.

He had hoped when he walked away, when Steve Chang asked him, that she would be saved. Whatever version of her would be saved, not leaving his heart heavy. With burden of her death and for the lost of his love.

Watching Steve Chang talking wasn't so inspiring anymore. Maybe that's what soldiers feels when their King or Queen gives victory speech after the death of hundreds of people. Not so great anymore hearing it from a murderer. A murderer can do anything bad, as they had crossed the worst line. 

_Just like him, he is a murderer, isn't he?_

His head felt lighter. Chest heavier. Breath ragged. Stomach churned. Panic attack, he got panic attacks. He recognized the feeling. He was hyperventilating for so long, he didn't realize that. He needed to calm. _Calm down, calm down._ He mentally screamed to himself. _Of course, you can't, Murderer._ Some voice and he screamed out loud.

“I'm not ! I'm not !” he walked backwards and tumbled after bump into several people.

“I'M NOT ! SHUT UP ! SHUT UP ! Shut the fuck up!”

His eyes blurred with tears, and he was drowning in his emotional outrage.

So'rhn caught him on his left hands. She knew him, Alexander Murray. Newcomers. The one that Zora talked about.

 _Don't start it, So'rhn._ She warned herself. She didn't want to start feeling sad. She wouldn't be able to stop. Xena and Nora had tested her fortitude. Watching her pounding at Abbe nearly sent her to the edge. Nora didn't know Romulan would need to beat someone or something at the event of grief it's the symbols of liberation in emotional action. That's why they used to bind accused criminal so that they lost their privilege of being a free person.

“I'm not a murderer... Tell him to stop!” His voice was soft as a whisper. And she was sure she was the only one hearing it.

“Tell him, Miss Guard. Help me !”

Now, she knew why Zora was attracted to him. Because he is pathetic. She thought. 

“Come along, the doctor will help you.” She offered him her hand. She swore she wouldn't want to do that ever again. His mind was a mess. Certainly it wasn't a good song that was being played. Similar to the situation in math class next to martial arts class. One was full of confuse children, one was full of wild screaming children. Especially at first week when Master A'torr taught the Martial class. And Master Gelyaner taught Trigonometry.

 _Oh, why that thought_. She stumped her step so that she could feel the feedback lifted some pressure.

“It's not me, I didn't kill her. I didn't. The device did. It had stabbed her spine, her heart must have burst.”

She twisted his hand, she heard it cracked. And he was yelling, crying in pain. _But, it must have woken him. Maybe not, maybe his filthy mouth still wants to flaunt his barbaric mind._ She snapped the other hand. So good hearing it amplified through his mouth. She would work with his fingers if he didn't shut up. And he didn't. Maybe his finger is too delicate, it didn't bring her much satisfaction.

 _Let's go straight to his neck._ And she was ready to use her thighs if it was needed. But she was tackled by much greater energy. The one that you throw yourself at your opponent while holding a weapon. It's a Klingon martial movement. At the haze of anger the name of the movement was floating in the middle of the misty sea. She couldn't recall the movements and it was bad.

“Tie me up !” She asked. The Klingon was murmuring her confusion. 

“I insist, or else I will have to destroy him.” She said. Eyes still locked on her prey, Alexander Murray, she thought. She was afraid of herself. 

“Please, tie me up.” When she felt the pressure on her back subsided.

The other Romulan guard immediately understand of her situation and reached rope in his bag. It was a thick hard polymer rope. Just perfect for her. It was rough on her bare skin. And she had sensitive skin.

By the time they dragged her out from the Mine Shift she had forgotten about Zora, Alex, Nora or Xena. Only the pain and suffering from the bound person. That she couldn't do anything even if she was trying.

The other guards brought Alex to the Health Center. His arms had fractured badly. They couldn't mend it even for temporary. 

“So'rhn ? Why they bring her ? Alex, what happened ?” Xena was confused and sad. Zora is dead and they were making a fuss. What's wrong with people ?

“I'm sorry, but it's not me.” As they carried him out.

_What ?_

Steve's speech was disturbed by them and he was pissed. He ended the meeting and went straight to the exit door.

Abbe was still standing near the table holding the edge with his finger. It's cold, he thought. The table might be colder than her. He was dwelling in his thoughts, wondering whether she was his sister for a brief moment. If she was. Then he did murder his sister for real. Because before, it only came into his dreams. Those dreadful night, left him scared to sleep at night. Fortunately he had Nora.

But the girl on the table wasn't dead before, so he killed Zora not Adelaide. Well, he killed both. He took a deep breath. Was there any smell of decay ? Or is it too late to drown her in formaldehyde, making her eternal.

Now that she had died, he wished he could give her recommendation letter. That she could finally get into this very facility. The Mine Shift. Zora Lodner. Former Helper. No health issues. Suitable for any placement available at Mine Shift, notably chemistry related work.

He took another deep breath. Was it guilt that hanging so low making his lung worked harder ?

He adjusted her hand again, he spotted that her hand was tough with calluses. Maybe from handling the mattocks for hours while holding the tree.

Addie's hand once got her calluses when she practiced playing piano. In the end, she still couldn't do it. He would never know whether she gave up or not. But, he remembered he was saying better try for another instrument. Or just playing the simulator one, because it had been so bad she couldn't hold her spoon. 

But, Zora can. It must've hurt a lot. With the body of Addie but live in very different environment. Curious how she would make it through life if she had survived. Would she be a lawyer, like Addie ? Nothing to defend here, but your own life. The enemy was the nature itself. So maybe that's why Zora was so into chemistry.

She once said between her work when she assisted him. Maybe there was something out there where the air wasn't poisonous, and the water is safe to be drank right away. Where there is animal, Threxxan Natives. Maybe this planet has a moon or moons. He thought, _there is and it is off planet._ There was nothing there, nothing exciting, except their mind that always wondering ways to survive. Wonder how she would react to his answer.

“I'm going now, hope me for successful mission.” He patted her hand for the last time. And placed it back on the others.

So that you could live. Both of you. And he turned his back.

Knocking sound of his walking cane sounded far away. Pounding along with her heart.


	16. The Dawn and The Moon

There was beeping sound, the left side of her head was hurting right behind her eyes. When she moved her arm trying to reach the light button her chest area was hurting so badly, she gasped. 

“Morning !” Said someone, then the curtains splayed open. To her surprise there was sunlight, the bright yellow one. Not the dull she used to see. The man was standing near the chair by the window, neat in his faded blue suit, he even wore hat.

“Isn't it lovely, our mother earth.” He gazed into the windows. She trailed his eyes. There was a tree, leaves green with dark stem. The bright blue sky, with little white fluffy clouds.   
It's a dream, she thought. And it's the fine one.

“Oh, pardon me, let me introduce myself. People know me by the name Garry.” He gave her handshakes with his big hand, took her stiff cold fingers. His hand felt strong but soft at the same time. 

“And you are Mary Adelaide Lodner, is that correct?”   
Somehow she knew she didn't need to answer that. She tried to speak l but none was heard.

“Calm down, you're on medication. As you could see or perhaps feel, your body is broken. But I could guarantee that you will be standing on your own feet in no time.” 

She liked his voice, it was calming. Well suited for her liking. With the warm sun and all. She loved being here already.  
The bed was nice, plush and comfortable, the pillows smelled fantastic, or was it her hair.

There was this kinda scary display of her physical. So many red parts, and some black parts. She matched it with the pain in her body. So the chest was red, around her middle was black, left head was red, her pelvic area was red as well.

The red couch nearby looked comfortable, there was vaporizer at the corner. From her perspective there was no door. The beeping sound matched her heartbeat, and she was drifting.

“Oh, can you hear that ? Birds are chirping. It's a really rare occasion around here.”

“I bet there was no bird from where you came from.” 

“It's quite all right, you know, they could be annoying though.” He corrected his words so that it wouldn't hurt her feelings.  
Then he heard another sound.

“Oh, how nice. It's the sound of insects, now is their mating time I believe. You will be surprise to know how small they are, making such loud noises.” He ended his sentence with a laugh. She felt as if she had been a hundred years living here, there was no need of explanation, and she wasn't even curious about her whereabouts. It was Earth, it was home. And she was safe. At least she felt she was.

The silver wall was quite intimidating, but the soft colored curtains melted her fear. Or maybe it was Garry and his daddy-like laughter.

“Oh, that shuttle driver is being stupid, parking there. It was a private parking space.”

“Just wait until they drag him down to move his goddamned car. That will be funny, don't you think ?”

She didn't answer him, just listening how alive he sounded. From laughing to nagging to laughing again. Then there was an awkward laugh, she opened her eyes.

“I'm sorry to disturb your sleep. But you must know that we will meet with someone soon after your recovery.” 

  
“Is that agreeable ?” 

He rose from his seat, the sunlight brought the color of his eyes clearer. Blue with little dark brown on its background. Summery color yet cold. Lips were thin of making decisions. To her surprise he was quite old. Skin wrinkles were all around his mouth and eyes. His hooked nose was protruding from the shade of his hat. There was childlike quality in his voice, or the way he talks and laugh. The spirit of the young, she recalled. Yet old and respectable.

“You should get more rest, I'll let myself out.” He took something on his pocket then he was gone. She didn't want to overreact, maybe it was just technology she didn't yet know.

The beeping got intensified for a moment then it was back to normal. Sleep was not coming as easy as before. She watched the sky turned gray and pouring. The sound sent her to sleep. 

The curtain was closed when she awoke. Room was lit brightly. Hurting her eyes at first. 

It must've dark outside, what period is it ?   
She was starving. And thirsty. Muscles sore. She was bored, there was no padd, nothing. And no one came to her room for so long she had waited.

She wanted to call the nurses, but couldn't make any sound. Seeing her throat part was blue then she stopped trying.

It was after a long time she was fast asleep again. At dawn the chirping birds woke her. The sky was silvery and there was the matching silver crescent. Beautiful, she thought. For the first time she was no longer feeling pain all over her body. Just stiffness in her throat. She rose from her bed. Left her warmth upon the duvet. The cold floor greeted her feet, and she walked towards the windows. Opening it almost forcefully. But then the cool wind swept her hair and blew her skin. 

Even the wind is nice.

She took a very deep breath. Under the bright blue sky, warm and green. With pleasant air. 

This is heaven.

There was the tree she was staring at yesterday, there was small creatures in it, she guessed. The were hopped from a branch to another. Carrying something bigger than themselves with their mouth. She was delighted. An animal that wasn't mouse could make her smile. Under the tree where the roots were, was brown soil with small patches of green grass. 

She was horrified. A green and a grass wasn't a very good combination. Diverting her eyes back to the sky. Maybe time flew fast, the crescent thing had been changed. No longer up on the sky, it lowered. As if it was nearby and she might touch it. She wanted to touch it. But it was too beautiful that way, besides touching the moon was impossible. Even if she had a shuttle. Even if she succeeded find the magic fungus and became rich.  
She rested her head at the window frame, eyes glued to the sky. Maybe that what the moon for, it was there to fill the empty sky. So that she looked up more often. And felt miserable.

She was wondering what make it so silvery, was it aluminum or dryness that make it that way ?

Intimidating yet enticing.

What make it so powerful keeping the same face all the time ? She realized the moon hadn't changed appearance.

“Good Morning !” She looked at him from her shoulder. She didn't know when he was entering her room.

She wanted to ask, or just replied the greeting. But she couldn't. 

“You are well, I suppose.” He checked the monitor and turned to her. Still wearing the same suit and hat. She touched her throat, creating X with her fingers. Hoping he would get what she asked. 

“I'm sorry you are mute. See the blue here, it had been damaged so badly the doctors couldn't repair it.” Her heart fell to her stomach. It meant she couldn't talk even if she knew how.

“But your heart is all right. No longer has defects, feet are both strong and steady. Fingers fine. Your organs all normal. And, you have a very pretty hair.” He said, she smiled. Gary was smiling with his fatherly patronizing gaze. And touched her shoulder. She rested her head on the windowsill. Going deeper in her thoughts and sadder as well. 

At least she had the rest of her body. It just a voice, it was nothing. But when Gary had disappeared, she wept. It just an airway that damaged. And she cried and cried. It was strange that only suffocating sound was out. And she decided since, others shouldn't hear her cry. She buried her face with her arms, didn't want the sound to be heard. While birds were mocking her in their sing-a-long, the wind that whistling through the hollow of the tree and the cracks of the rocks. She sobbed. Slaming the windows closed, cracking the glass and the image of the landscape she had enjoyed.

***

“You never say that to me.” Addie was seated on the chair across him. There were flowers and asenoi on the table. He turned his head and it was the ocean.

“What is that I supposed to say?” He remembered this. And he had resented the memory.

“You never say you love me.” There wasn't anybody could portray sadness better than her. He thought. Eyes filled with realization, face scrunching, lips trembling.

“Vulcan do not express-” He had explanation for this matter, a very long narration about Vulcan custom. And he had told her. 

“But, you did.”

“I saw with my own eyes you said that.” He remembered of course, he had said it.

“What if I say, I could travel through times and watched you're saying it.”   
Their talk were always full of allusions, or metaphors, or other figure of speech.

“You know, V'Karr. I get it. You never love me. Never.”

“Then why do I care so much about you ?” Heart vibrating harder.

“It was guilt.” She said, as if he no longer cared about her, without any force she did upon himself, it stirred his feelings. There was nothing there before. He was surprised.

“If you say this in order to manipulate me and make me break from my beliefs, you are mistaken.” He remembered, he was angry. 

“Maybe it is guilt.” He said, and her face fell no longer holding anything back. Blank. Her face went paler, there were tears at the edge of her eyes. But she didn't cry. Only a deep breath and she stood on her feet. 

“Goodnight.” She tilted her head just like always when she left. And walked away from him. Shoulder strong and her pace stable. He hoped she was shaking and crying. But, she just left. With her favorite flowy dress, and hair dancing with the wind teasing him.

Then the image changed. 

He was on his bed, on Vulcan. He knew from the warmth of home. Although it was pouring outside. There was someone walking around his room. No, not Adelaide. He couldn't take it anymore.

“Husband.”

“Ashvel.”

It was T'Elvin. Her chocolate hair was short just like his. Her eyes green. Her robe was red and orange combined. She was just like how he preserved in his memories. She smiled hearing her darling nickname. He smiled as well. It was a long time since he did that.

“You are here, my wife.”

“Indeed, My love.” she stroked his chest sending affection through their bond. 

“I love you too.” He said, and they kissed. 

He explored her and so did she. He remembered about his dream and Adelaide. Oh, remembering her still painful. He let go. And she was beneath him, It wasn't T'Elvin anymore. It was Addie.

“You've said you love her.”

“My dear.” He hugged her, didn't want to let her go.

“I thought you're my lover, my moon.” As she was Earth for him, giving him all the second chances he only wished before.

“I do. I always do, Addie.” He rested his forehead on hers. Rubbing his nose to hers, hoping she would kiss him like she always did. 

She is dead, he thought. He moved down on her chest, rested on his ear. Hope he would hear her pounding heart.

“I'm sorry, Addie.” He tried hard to cry as he never did that before. But, nothing came out. Just his heart that went lighter and lighter.

He woke up. V'Zaan was at the bedside. And he was bound to the biobed. 

“Vice minister.”

He cleared his throat, trying to ask him what happened.

“You were attacking some female officer, Sir.”

He whispered to his ears so that no one would hear. But they had seen that happening.

Oh, by Surak he must've gone mad. He closed his eyes in humiliation.

“And we have arrived at Casper space, Sir.” He said louder.


	17. Journey of the Dead

Mama and Papa...

Her ears was ringing, she was just barely waking up from her deep sleep, barely feel her puffy eyes trying to open up.

"My baby, you all right? Want to drink some water?" There was a lady, her coiled dark hair drove all her attention. She helped her to sit on her bed. She remembered the bed changed, been changed. The whole room was different. The soft colored curtains being a dull colored sheets, the middle part of the header didn't attach to the rod, hanging out creating a bright reflection on the floor, she could see the dust flowing in the air.

The door was suddenly opened.

"The doctor said, she can go home at three." He was walking toward her in a very familiar way, when he hit the sunlight she saw his hair was actually blond, then he moved near the cupboards and it became brown again.

"How are you feeling, kid?" He looked out from behind the cupboard's door, searching something in her face. Maybe some pain she wanted to let out. But she only looked confused. He looked at her wife who was looking at him with the same worry.

"Look, it's completely fine to be traumatized. It's terrible-terrible thing that had happened to you. But, you need to know that you're safe now. All right?" He said, now that he was saying much more words she could examine the familiar quality of his voice.

He gazed at her eyes, her eyes wavered. She couldn't hold gaze long enough with anyone, it was always uncomfortable.

He let out a heavy breathing then continue to pack her belongings.

"You want to eat something?" The lady said, reached out to pat her shoulder. But she refused her touch and she drew a wry smile, rather sad for her. She spotted her discomfort of her excessive attention and stepped back.

"Okay, I'm not gonna do that again."

"I'm going out for a minute." She said to the man in front of the cupboards still busy with clothes.

She was imagining things, she heard her crying before she closed the door. Hearing his heavy breathing behind the cupboard's door.

At the edge of her bed was written:

Bando Hospital - Psychiatric Ward

Name: Mary A. Lodner

Age: 16

Doc.: Hugh Hendrikson, Psy.D

She took the water from the table nearby, gulped it down in a second.

There was a clock high on the wall, the old-fashioned clock with neon lights and blinking 14.00.

She was sweltering in the heat of the room. She never felt like this before, curious how the man called Papa was wearing his long-sleeved shirt without any sweat stains at all. She was aware that Papa is equal to a male nurse at Children centre.

She dumped the blanket and trying to get down from the bed. But her inside burned. She could feel the pain just like when they harvested her eggs every six months but ten times worse.

She mentally screamed, holding the pain with every muscle she had. Making her fell to the floor. And it got worse after the knock. She was rolling on the ground

"My god, you all right?" The man was trying to help her but afraid to touch her, as if she had some lethal disease or something.

"I'm calling the doctor." then he left, Mama came into the room.

"Ben, what happen?"

"She fell."

"Oh, God! You're okay? Can I help you to your bed?" She wrap something to her shoulder and helped her to sit on her bed, immediately withdraw her hands on her.

"Does it hurt? Where does it hurt?" But she already knew which part hurting her child, the way she squeezed her stomach. Tears streaming down her face. What was the most terrifying for her, the pain on her face or the fact that she didn't make any sound, she was also crying. It almost like she wasn't her daughter, despite having the same face and all. That the accident had changed her baby girl, and she might as well not coming back the way she was before.

"Ben, she's in pain!" She yelled at the door.

"It’s okay, Honey. Mama is here." She wasn't allowed to be hugged, or touched, only words now that could comfort her. The psychiatrist said it could trigger her bad memories, making her condition worsened. How could she be normal again after this? Her mind racing, her heart leaping, while her mouth saying anything to comfort her daughter.

"Ma!" It was Abbe, she opened the door for him. He always brought something on both hands after work, he couldn't open the door himself.

"Abbe."

"What's happening to her?" He almost ran to the bed, but stopped at safe distance.

"She fell from the bed, Papa is calling the doctor."

"She's in pain, they need to hurry!" He almost screamed, couldn't bear to watch she struggled with the pain.

"They are on the way, Son." the not-important-people barely got health insurance, not to mention special care.

"Imma drag them here, those Bastard." He rushed to the door and slam it shut, the windows rattled.

There was argumentation down the hallway. Dany heard that and immediately exited the room. Abbe and Ben against nurses divided by the registration counter. People were looking disturbed, until a nurse pushing her hoover cart bumped Ben's back, Abbe helped her normalize the cart.

"They said if the bill had been paid, there shouldn't be any other treatments she can get."

"Oh, that's bad."

Abbe walked back to her room, one hand on his pocket. When he was inside he withdrew his hand letting out the hypospray. Carefully without touching her with his skin he injected the sedative.

The argument of his parents and the nurses was still going. It always like that with his parents, there was always trouble, one solved then came another. He was tired of their debts, their irresponsible action, of them personally.

If it wasn't because of them Addie would be safe and sound without any trauma tainted her head. She could gaze at mountains and sky all she wants. But she was

sexually assaulted instead, at the farm near their house. By the boys live nearby nonetheless. Papa should've heard her screaming. For god’s sake he wanted to burn their house with them in it. Those devils.

He checked her checking him out. Now she wouldn't be able to be fussy anymore, as she had lost her will to speak. It pained him, knowing that she would need to work harder to be a lawyer. To his surprise she stretched out her arm to reach him. He stepped closer, she wanted to communicate, he thought as her hand making movements. He gave her his padd.

"Write." He said. She looked terrified, maybe that how every victim looks, he was afraid she would be scared of him also. Again he wanted to destroy their farm making them starve to death.

_Is that you Abbe?_

He read his padd and nodded. He was confused, maybe her eyes went blur or something. This morning when she woke up with Mama and Papa in the room she was acting like a scared mouse.

"Yes. It's me, Addie."

_Abraham Darwin Lodner?_

She gave the padd to him

"Yes." He said. But she still disbelieved her own eyes.

_Abbe the ape?_

Abbe read that and smiled, if she could mock him then she had gotten well, right?

"Yeah, that's me. You-" He wanted to throw some bad word but hesitated, what if it pained her heart. What if his mockery seemed so true to his heart, she was a sensitive person.

Oh, before this they would be having huge fight despite Abbe being a grown-up and Addie was a teenager.

He observed her expression, she looked years older, her undereyes were dark, her cheekbones looked more prominent than before, she wasn't this thin before. It was true that she refused to eat but the difference was too significant.

_I'm hungry._

"Just wait till Mama comes back. Imma stole some food for you." He said, looking at the hypospray in his hand. She was wondering if he stole that for her.

She knew that look, Abbe was always bitter. But not this Abbe apparently. They were different. He was incredibly young, his hair wasn't grey, there were no wrinkles or sagging skin. His both feet were functional. He was good looking and healthy. This Abbe would steal for her. Not going to sacrifice her. Until he would steal her chance to live. And she grew angry again.

"Wanna tell me something ?"

She shook her head. She didn't know what he wanted to know. She was afraid indeed, but not sure was this real or just a long dream like before.

"Hey, It's okay, all right? I don't wanna know. Who wants to know ?" He was trying hard to calm her down. While stood nervously, as if he had a flight or fight choices within himself.

"But, if the police ask who did it to you, you must tell them the truth."

He was looking concern and serious. Who did what to her? Was it Gary he talked about ? She was just released from the pain and then came another. The thought of floating away on the land of the dead. Heck, she was always dreaming before, but not this type of dream.Dream about the sunlight and breathable air. About the water that was always safe to be touch and the plants growing sweet fruits.

"You don't wanna let them get away with this unpunished, right ?"

She gazed at his eyes, she recognized those eyes. Suddenly, there was fire in her eyes.

Yes, she didn't want that.

"Good, when I got the money, you will get the best doctor so you can speak again." He smiled, he genuinely smiled. Someone out there could fix her throat, she thought. She beamed happily. Then the thought struck her, Abbe was always only promising. But her head was hazy after whatever he gave her. So she would let this Abbe passing by, and she went to sleep again. Hopefully she wouldn't be ended up in a strange dream again, just dead. She felt on the edge the whole time, as if she had lost her mind and wanted to crush something, or to hurt someone.

She was glad she drifted to sleep, it was easier to lost herself in dreamland rather than in reality. No one would be hurt, only her, always her.


	18. Altered Destiny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She was on earth and slightly confused. The day was dreamlike and at night she should asleep. There was no way she could survive alone. She had hoped she had friend. And she did.  
> The people, the grass, all different. The air and terror were still the same tough.   
> So, she went away and planned never to comeback.

It had been a long time since she got there. She thought. She had been through a lot. She had seen many things she only dared to imagine. It was warm beneath the shade of the elm tree, its branches kind of crooked gave her some space to hide from Mama's prying eyes. She was kind to her, and she didn't like that. It reminded her of something far yet familiar. She was resisting urges to think about that, so that's why she was meddling with her paper and graphite stick there. Trying to make some pictures of places in her dream, she couldn't recognize faces, they were only blurry images drowned in a sea of despair and longing. 

_Adelaide_. She wrote. 

_16th Harrow Hall street, Bando, Aurugua, United Earth_

Earth. United Earth.

"What's up?" the head appeared on the crook of the tree. His voice rough and warm sounded. It was Jett, supposedly her old friend since nursery. She waved at him and got out of her hiding. She showed him her scribbles, grinned proudly.

"You sure?" He walked closer as if it was a secret, then bumped his body at her, clumsy as he always did. She swayed then grabbed a chunk of his front side clothing and regained balance again. She almost yelled, if she could she would.

"I can't believe-"

"Sorry, but you know, the test is damn difficult. Besides what have they done for people like us?" She knew Jett, already knew how he would react to this idea.

"Is not that you ain't smart, you do, I mean it. You and your idyllic new world. But, we don't even have comm, how if I suddenly need to contact you?" He was genuinely concerned about that, somehow his dark eyes were easier to dive into compared to those of her own family. She wanted to say many things, that she liked Jett, as a friend, as a crewmate at hauling week. She felt safe with him, was it his big-built body or else. As if she was with a bear that was always there to be hugged and protected her. 

_ I always like your scarf. _

She couldn't write much, and her paper nearly ran out. Jett always had a tied scarf around his neck, and it depends on his mood. It could be said he didn't even bother to change clothes but not about his scarf. There was a red one that always looked good on him. 

"Hey, listen up! you ain't got away with any of my scarf."

She made a sad look, and Jett chuckled.

"I'll drag your ass back here if you go."

It felt good to be held by someone. Well, Jett always made her feel special. As far as she could remember.

_ What's your dream, Jett? _

"I actually admire your brother's work. Those fruits are gigantic. You see, this place ain't gonna grow watermelon, and here we are staring at them."

Her smile widened, but she had strange memories before her homecoming from hospital. Something dark around her seemed to be a loving brother. There was a time when she asked herself, was it Abbe who raped her? 

But, the thought seemed faded in her constantly foggy head. Jett was one person that freshened her mind.

_ Genetics engineer?  _

She could see his eyes changing. Then he looked down to the grass and started yanking them out one by one with his long fingers. She had shiver up and down her spine as he did that.

"Maybe I'm being dragged along by your brother's success."

He said again, she always wondered how the feminine touch around his neck didn't reduce his masculinity at all. Maybe because he was quite muscular despite his young age.

_ Why do you always wearing that? _

She pointed his neck.

"Ah, you forget about this one too?"

He withdrew a deep breath. Then once again a very deep breath ended in a quick huff.

"Nana was out harvesting grapes, do you remember when we used to run around without worrying about getting sunburn? Leaves as a ceiling, like a corridor of greens, with red and purple dangling on top of our head. I was scared to death every hauling day. Always got an excuse though. Somehow that day I came home early. As usual calling out Nana for food. Then I realized she wasn't at home. I went outside, through the green tunnel in the dark, I found Nana. She was just like a bloody stack of laundry but I know it was Nana. Then I got strangled."

He left her eyes to look away, leaving her mouth open from shock.

_ I'm sorry to bring that up. _

She shook her head, having feeling it wasn't enough. She wrote again.

_ It must've been hard for you. _

Jett was smiling, and she glad she added more feeling to her words.

"That's okay, You know why am I still wearing this ?" 

She shook her head, but his eyes were gleaming like a cat at night.

"To remember the feeling of the rope around my neck. I ain't gonna forget about that night, that's why I'm always wearing this."

He blinked and smiled again, as if he was talking about a laughing squirrel. She realized he had more layers than her romanticized version of Jett.

_ I have wound too, Jett. What should I be wearing ? _

Immediately regretting her words. She revealed to much.

She gazed pathetically at the sky, then to the farm ahead of them. She remembered the pain, but her hands are tied. Or rather she was choking and unable to say anything. The sensation of her heart exploding often lingered. 

"You poor thing, come here!" And just like that Jett hugged her, anyone would never touch her. But it was easy with Jett. His body was hard and cool against the humid air, the sun was behind them, she looked over the shadow of their bodies wondering if Jett was also amazed by nature as she was. But Jett was humming, his voice was just as nice as always, maybe it was the song, she didn't recognize the song but the tone kind of off key and hollow, as if he was trying to terrorize her. She was thinking about it. What was it hanging above Jett's picture in her mind?

She looked above, to his face down his neck, behind the rolled scarf she found black spot, in a shape of sunflower seed. Or was she imagining things because of the drug she consumed. She was hazy, and feeling cold despite his hug. Goosebumps, she got goosebumps.

"Adelaide, come inside! Dinner is ready!"

She let go of his arms, waved her hand to him, took her belongings rather possessively and ran to her house.

When she was inside, she slammed the door almost immediately. She was angry for not knowing why she was so scared. Was it because of her trauma of anyone 's touch. Was it because she was confused and generally a coward. It was Jett and he was good. Was he?

She felt sick of accusing people all the time, she threw her supplies on her bed and changed her shoes, which was a breezy thick sheet of rubber. Sandals. Yes, and the material of her wide leg pants was corduroy. Cotton t-shirt that only covered half of her arms. Her hair was on a high ponytail and wrapped around a ribbon Mama had her use.

"You look awful, is everything all right?" She was stuck between the cupboard and dinner table. Unable to move, or rather forget to move while she was deep in her thoughts. She nodded, dodged her own worry and sat on the chair. 

What she had remembered by the time she was here, not eating was a sign of distress. So, if she didn't want to look uneasy or weird, making Mama cry, or Papa left the house after fight over with her, or Abbe coming to her room in the middle of the night, pressing her to remember which could haunt her by him being old and horrible, she decided, she better ate.

"I'm home."

She jolted from brief daydreaming, Abbe went through the front door, his keys tinkling making his presence more vivid.

"I'm absolutely starving." He was cheerful despite what he just said. His skin became tanner than when he left home last morning. 

"Ma, remember about the project on Mars I said, I think it will go well. They comm with me at the office, said I can go next week. Or maybe next month, just waiting for the federation permission." He gritted his teeth on the last word.

"I'm so happy for you, Son." She kissed his cheek and hugged him, then told him to sit down. 

He sat in front of her, smiled widely. She never knew he got neat teeth. He fixed his spectacles trying to see his sister better. She was looking grey at night, when he left that morning there was still flickering lights of enthusiasm in her eyes.

"Hey, what about I'm grading your mock test after this?" 

The thought of she being here only with Mama and Papa was too much. Yet she couldn't protest nor make a comment about that. After got out of the hospital, she had no purpose. What she wanted, where she was, even who she was if there was no one to tell her. The journey to their home was beyond nice, but then she was caged inside her room with only a window and closed door, the remaining things weren't interesting enough for her. Social politics study, famine in Latonya, history of romulan-vulcan civil war. There were posters on the wall, of beaches and mountains which she stared at night, wondering why would she display such things? Then she found it soothing. 

Day two she had a breakdown, sort of identity crisis. None of the clothes she wanted to wear, none of the books were interesting enough, none of her friends she remembered. Only a lingering intuition of familiarity. Then her parents fought, for whatever reason she didn't want to know. Abbe wasn't home. She broke into his room and attempted to wreck it. Then she stumbled upon his paperwork, Starfleet academy, Starfleet high command, the federation. Abbe was rather fond of persuasive reading, she noted. Then she changed the poster on her wall with starfleet insignia made by herself. Since then, she could drift off smoothly. 

"So, Addie. Were you talking with your friend today?" 

Mama was acting strange again, she clearly saw her conversing with Jett yet still asking. This kind of routine made her exhausted the most. But, she nodded. Almost rolled her eyes if she hadn't been interested at the mashed potatoes on the table.

She changed look with Abbe. Growing disturbed.

"What was his name again?" she asked, giving her a spoonful potatoes.

She was spelling Jett's name with her fingers. She had been practicing to do sign language, since they couldn't afford the speech device. 

"Jett? His name is Jett, I see. So, he's from around here?" 

She only nodded, and began to eat her food. It was good, the food was always good here, she recalled.

"What does this Jett look like?" Abbe's turn to ask. He held his fork like he would hold a knife, ready to stab.

_ Tall, pale, black eyes, black hair. _

Almost sickly looking, and his hair so glossy it was like an oil painting, he got the nicest eyes, and the most beautiful smile, the warmest hug. 

But she didn't add that to the note on his padd. Just for her only.

"Uh, so he is human?" he asked with slight confusion. She nodded almost eagerly. Stare curiously into his cold eyes, looking for a hint of his opinion toward Jett.

They ate in silence, probably because of her, but she didn't give a damn about it. What did they want ? To back away from the world and learn to speak. They had no idea how hard it was from trying to get her throat vibrate. She simply couldn't.

"So, are you positive to enroll in Starfleet academy?" Mama asked again, she nodded lazily. Not lifting her eyes from her food whatsoever.

Then the table tremble and the loud thud coming from Abbe. He slammed the table so hard his fork fell to the floor. Mama was shocked. She had her palm on her chest trying to calm her heart.

"Abbe... "

"What's going on with you? You don't want to go to starfleet, you never want to, and you better not."

That time, she didn't like his choice of words. She was a human being capable of thinking and didn't need Abbe to be her backup head. It hurt when she swallowed her food, as if there was a hard lump passed through it.

"I can't let you go there, even if they're good at treating people like you. That is not a reason to deal with them !!!"

There was a belief when you lose one ability, the other enhanced. Surely her hearing did. It stabbed through he ears ended in her gut. She wanted to throw up, on the table, on the floor, on his face for sure. And it burned, her face burned her eyes started to water.

She what, she shouldn't, she wouldn't, and all just to satisfy his brother. She lifted her head, shoot him through her gaze, if only look could kill, she thought. That time she wanted to stabbed him in the eyes with her fork. He got a nice pair of eyes, it was so strange and distant. She couldn't find any reasons for him to say such thing, or maybe she refused to accept that. She held her fork firm in her hand, then slam both fist against the table, found herself already on her feet, she let go of the fork on the floor, the same hand had her middle finger up to Abbe. Fuck Abbe. To hell with him. She stormed to her room, slammed the door as hard as she could then laid on her bed trying to reason with herself to not kill him in his sleep. Ended up wanting suicide.

There was a loud knocking on her door. She knew who was that. 

"Honey, open the door, please!"

It's mama. Ugh, she hated the feeling of guilt she always had around her. There was no end for that, and she was tired of it.

"Addie, baby, come out! Abbe wants to apologize."

A Lie. She thought, she knew this one. She always lied to her anyway.

She wanted to cursed so badly, she cried. For unable to speak, for had a thought for killing Abbe as soon as she had the chance. The hatred hammering her head was more painful than ever, her chest heavy with the burden of her anger. The sound she disgusted by came out, why was she so unfortunate. Poor, ugly and mute. The fuck was wrong with the creator when she was created. 

She heard her forcing Abbe to apologize. But, Abbe being the short-tempered-jerk that he was, growing more agitated than before. 

"I'm not gonna apologize. You better sneak off with your imaginary friend, if you still stuck with your plan. I'm sick of this !" 

She heard a loud bang of the front door. Abbe must've gone out again. To his private workplace maybe, walking down below the Scarlet Hill. Walking through the walls of sunflowers farm. She remembered Jett's Nana, she had been killed, hadn't she? Good, she wouldn't bother to kill him after all. Maybe the killer got their eyes on him this time. She missed Jett, she wanted him to be here, stroking her throbbing head, eased the weights on her chest. In the morning, she thought, he must be sleeping now.

Her eyes blurred by tears when she gazed at her poster on the wall, she wanted to be there more than she wanted anything. As if wanting alone was a luxury she couldn't afford. Why would anyone meddling with her dreams? Why would anyone think they knew what best for her? What about her happiness? Did someone even consider that in the first place? Would she survive until next week, when she would take train to go  to the city? Would she pass the test? There was a special quota for 'people like her' anyway, it shouldn't be that difficult. With swollen eyes she finally drifted to sleep. That night she got a horrific nightmare.

The next day she spent waiting for Jett under the same tree as yesterday. Her papers were empty as no one conversed with her. The next day was the same, so did the other day. Jett wasn’t around and she was practicing her test over and over until her fingers hurt, stage one of becoming calloused. But, there was another part aching more than her finger. On her left was Mr. Goodman garden house, on the right was the vineyard of someone she didn’t know. The brightness of the sun had her eyes hurt, and the wind might have brought dust into them. It watered a little. Was she sad? She had no idea, but if that was tears then she must’ve felt so. She thought it was all right now that Mama had her attention to Papa. Rather than peering out of her window the whole time.

She missed Jett when the sun had set, she was alone again not even her shadow wanted to stay. She gazed over the watermelon field beyond the sunflowers field. At the red roof of Abbe’s workplace. He refused to meet her as well. Apparently it was lifting some burden and she could stride home without fear.

The next and forward were still the same. As lonely as the tree now she was the only one to keep it accompanied. 

The day before she left, no one ever asked her plan to take the test ever again. Not even Mama, nor did Papa, mentioning Abbe was now a sin. She wondered if they actually had a plan for what she would become, how many children she would have, whom she would marry, was she happy in that scenario ?

Now she would marry herself, and life was her love. And maybe Jett, if he would appear again. Her stomach flipped remembering Jett.

She folded her jacket and packed it into her backpack. She should get back to sleep. Before dawn she would crawl across the watermelon field, sneaking between the sunflowers and walking a long way to the transporter box to the train station.

The rooster of the vineyard’s owner must’ve awoken her, she thought she was late but the sky was still dark. She had showered last night, it would be like an announcement doing it in the morning. She wore her preppiest blouse, attempting to tie the bow prettily but failed so she left it hanging around and would try to figure that out in the train. She had the blackest pair of pants that looked pretty good, and Mama’s shoes that were hanging around on her feet because it was oversized. Anyway, she was satisfied with her look and

She braided her hair and wrapped it into a bun. She adored her jacket. It was pastel yellow with a puff sleeve. The prettiest piece in her closet. 

Then it was time to depart. Did she want to say goodbye to her parents ? she asked herself several times in the past three days, but she hugged Mama yesterday and she thought it was enough. She made coffee for Papa yesterday morning, and she exited from her room through the window. She felt dizzi, maybe because she skipped her drug consumption for the past three days, because it would show up on the drug test. The cop’s hoover bike lamp illuminated the field she ducked to the elm tree and prepared to crawl down across the watermelon field. By the time she was on the edge of the sunflowers field, she looked back to her home, realized it was desolate from the rest of the neighborhood, just as lonely as she. She turned around and walked away, if she would meet Abbe what would she do. First thing, hide. Second, run away as fast as she could. Then she was already passing his workplace. The highway was ahead of her. Very deserted even the cops that were hovering around her neighborhood weren't passing this way. 

It was a long painful journey, she hopped on the metal of the nearest transporter. Setting her course, she was bathed with bright light then closed her eyes, when she opened them she was still on the same spot as before. She tried again. Then the same thing happened. She tried almost ninety times, her skin feverish from the experience, and she was trembling from fear and exhaustion. But it wasn’t she if she would give up. So she moved to another box and tried again.

Adelaide was a teenager the last time she visited that train station, the same smell mixture brought her nostalgia. She was standing in the transporter box and hitting home several times but ended up in the same spot. She was tired and ashamed by people in the queue, so she looked for a seat while waiting for sometimes, it wouldn't hurt.

“Miss Crane ?” She couldn’t believe her eyes, she was so young and pretty. She needed to get the information of how she became young in a short period of time. She was cradling flowers, purple chrysanthemums. There was her family member that must’ve died.

“Yes, do I know you ?” She asked her in a slightly not polite tone. As if she annoyed her.

“You’re Evans Crane, right ?” Doubt started to swell up. Maybe she was her child. She was practically her clone.

“You must be her daughter.” She said, smiling like she would greet a child.

“What are you talking about, Dear ? I can hardly understand.” Even the way she moved her lips when saying ‘dear’ was identical. Then she remembered Miss Evan Crane had passed long time ago, childless. Leaving her vineyard to her nephew. She was so shocked she made a very horrible expression towards young Miss Crane.

“You must’ve been mistaken, child.” She said sympathetically.

“Oh, I’m not a chil-” She looked down to her shoes. It was a very unprofessional pair of footwear she ever wore. It was Mama’s. 

She looked around the train station. People hauling hoover boxes with paper lined flowers. Large boxes of melons and watermelons, wine barrels. The field had been eliminated during war. Many of the people were dead, the rest of them left to starve and eventually dying. While her parents would be safe as they would get divorce and sell the house. But there she was staring at their faces. She wasn’t sociable enough back then, but she knew every one of them. This was what Gary meant by travelling back in time. She tore open her bag, there should be hints to where she would be heading. but it was only blank papers and pencils. Her old cropped jacket was inside. Maybe she was heading to somewhere cold. Why this train station. She opened the front pocket and picked the folded paper. Starfleet Academy. Of course, she thought. 

Feeling defeated she packed her belongings and entered the train. Her hair began to annoy her, the pins stabbed her scalp like nails to a wall. She undo her hair, the braid made it wavy and more voluminous somehow. She was shivering anyway, apart from the fact that she was alone in this journey, there would be a possibility she would meet him, she was afraid she would fall apart. And being the one who was being defeated. She closed her eyes trying to imagine if she met him. He was there, wasn't he ? He could be on Vulcan tough. But her heart leapt and she opened her eyes right away. secretly wanted to know what might happen.


	19. Going Astray

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> V'Karr lost entirely, almost as dead as her. His value is being degraded. His virtue is in doubt. One that hasn't changed is his memory. But, how can he defend himself using only his memories, when even he himself want to change it . He was one step closer, reminding the space in between is not really that much.
> 
> *I changed the amount of the chapter, after realizing it wasn't very slow burn. Stay safe, y'all.

The crew seemed to be preoccupied when he entered the bridge. He could sense their eyes laid judgement upon seeing him. But, he didn't really care about their glares. His eyes locked on the monitor, he had pictured the planet before, but still managed to be mesmerized by such similarity. The lang was glowing as if it was burned with red, yellow and green fire. He held his breath, realizing it was an L- class planet, which was very dangerous to be visited. He was no coward, yet he shook a little. Looking at his trembling fingers as he tried to hold them together as he usually did. It felt like his skin was his artery, trembled as one as his heart did. He was uncomfortable that people in the bridge were all looking at him. Yet couldn’t walk away to hide himself. 

“Are you well, sir ?” a woman's voice, he hissed his answer without thinking while he’s readying himself to fight his thought but the erratic imagination didn’t come. 

“Yes… yes I am well, Captain. Shall we reach them ?” 

P'Banu was never concerned about others' issues before, but the vice minister was quite a troublesome individual. One of her officers was in medbay maybe at the edge of her life now after he attacked her for an uncertain reason. The male crew seemed to understand him, there was no eye contact when the news arrived, only shame across their faces. She had planned once they were on Vulcan she would ask her grandmother about this or maybe she would converse about her bonding ceremony again, she was hardly twenty. She closed her eyes after picturing her grandmother's subtle pout.

“The attempt to communicate has failed, sir. We have tried several times but now their connection must have been disconnected.” She said.

“It is logical that they have some trouble down there, possibly-

“Abduction ?” He found courage to look her in the eyes. Stirred something in him, but not overwhelming enough to defeat him.

“I urge you to send one of your crew to check the ship.” She knew it was an order, despite his pale complexion that indicated his condition, he was able to walk off medbay with some identifying device. Rather stealing it from medical officers' robes.

“And one should know their enemies.” he planned to give it to the crew that would be sent down. In case they met the abductor, they would be able to identify them. But, the abduction was only a possibility there was still another probability that they might be safe and sound in a shelter. The other started switching looks. Call him crazy, but his gut was never wrong before. Illogical but even better than any teaching he had mastered. She looked at his half-lidded eyes. He appeared to be intoxicated by whatever he had consumed. Maybe some nerve blocker, she thought. 

“You need to know your place, Woman.” She looked back at him, what had she done wrong ? She was baffled by the exclamation he uttered. The anger was clear, the emotion.

“Sir, I beg your pardon-

“Beam me to my quarters.” He cut her words. She was sure she did nothing wrong, perhaps there was something on her seat. But, the whole bridge was quiet. Even the one who should transport him, was astonished.

“I need to warn you about your poor performance, Officer. Perhaps It will be better to ban you from any travelling in the future.” He shot her with his glare. She was petrified on her seat, her joints melt into one useless pair of hands. 

“Apologies, Vice Minister. I was sending message to the-

“Enough of that wasteful pardon. I don’t see any use of your apologies. Now, beam me to my room.”

She was ashamed, commanding her computer with blurred eyes. The light bathed him off the bridge. It needed more time than usual for the light to go off. Perhaps she had made a mistake. But, she never made a mistake.

“One unidentified ship was approaching, Captain.”

P’Banu still had her mind on the other place, somewhere between her grandmother and the vice minister. Then she swore mentally, she had hoped the vice minister never messed with the ship capitancy. She was only a low rank officer. Certainly, the commander had gone down to his quarter as Captain Stryk refused to follow the Vie minister’s order.

“Captain, they bring weapons, and it wasn’t their intention to tell us otherwise.”

“Activate shield. Hail them !” She said, by Surak this was a Battleship not a diplomatic one. 

“They have locked their target on us, Captain.”

“Red alert. We will flee from here. It is apparent that we are not welcomed.” 

And the warp set to the highest setting. They vanished faster than light. 

V’Karr felt his body went lighter and lighter, as if he were floating in the air. The mild temperature grazed his skin inch by inch as he was replicated. It soothed his fraying nerves. Wondering how he still had managed to live after experiencing these moments every seven years of his life. He felt sad afterwards, as if he had experienced it once. His lungs were heavy when he drew his breath. He wanted to weep and lock himself in his quarters. He had hurt people unconsciously. Both physically and mentally. 

He needed to hide until he was normal again. Never he would use the regenerator ever again. He ached everynight, sleep only made it worse, as he met his dearest then woken up only by himself. He opened his eyes, planning to lock his quarters. But he found no bed nor door. He saw smoke and his feet upon rocky footing. What a stupid officer she was, he might be on holodeck. But, he looked around. The mist was in between the valley, white on blue. He once had drowned in the sea, his body was denser than water and he was sinking no matter how hard he tried to swim. The trough was filled with needle sharp rock. The kelps hide his body for quite some time. When they beamed him on board, he had seen her again. And just so, he was as blue as the mountains ahead. The dark cloud barely hid the stars, the main planet as it satellites, looking old with faded colors, intimidating his existence. But, undoubtedly beautiful indeed.

“Computer, save this program. Deactivate editing.” 

He wanted to save this particular theme. So he could visit whenever he was feeling blue again. Maybe later, on his own holodeck. After the Pon Farr ended maybe. He always felt miserable when V’Linn was bruised and hurt, not that he was fond of her but rather, because she didn't deserve to be handled that way. He would carry her in his arms as she was unable to walk on her own. He would be ashamed along the way by his grandmother's cheerful gaze. He had asked her, for maybe she found their relationship needed to be developed. But, she was just as cold as he was. He had tried to open up, but found himself walking home twice as empty. Maybe, he still hadn’t recovered yet. Then he waited and waited. until decades had passed, and he was growing older and weaker. Yet his emotion of his nostalgia still went strong. Stronger if he could conclude, as he ranked up higher he had more time to think alone. Mostly he only gave approval, or deciding solutions. 

This PonFarr if he was able to go home, she would demand heiress. Married to V’Linn required a will to have a child, as she was the heiress of his grandmother. But, he had none, outside of his PonFarr-self. He would not have this responsibility if he hadn’t made that mistake before. Yet, it was always her way to be stern to him. 

He felt the cool air sweep his robe. The coolness seeped into his clothes. He closed his eyes, thinking about home, how he should have been under V’Linn’s care. Did he always attack her as he just did the woman officer whom he had forgotten. He tried to imagine her. She always wore olive green robes to match with her red hair. She wouldn’t go out without her elegant traditional headpiece, it would cover her backside and a little of her face, she was beautiful indeed, her hair color clearly rare among the vulcan population, the True Vulcaness, people said. Sukkunel’Khar wasn’t a very well-known region. The popularity however, rose after he was on the universal news. Perhaps entire alpha-beta quadrant population knew him, his story. This was because of her death of course. And probably the pro and contra of his marriage to her. 

T’Elvin was also a beautiful woman, a different kind of beauty from those of V’Linns. With her chocolate hair that intoxicated him every time. Green-eyed people often reminded him of her. Yet, they weren’t her, tall and confident. She was a strong-willed person who enjoyed adventure fervently. He knew bravery from her. She genuinely cared for others. She resented Plomeek soup, and preferred Plomeek Tea. Honestly, as he thought of her, he felt numb, just his usual self, he had done grieving for her and he wouldn’t come back to the old way. He was miserable, she was the one holding his hand and she had gone. He was lost and the world was still dark. He had been swimming knowing he was greater than water. But, then he had been willing to heal, to be whole again. Now, he hadn’t had the luxury. He seldom caught a glimpse of her silhouette when he wasn’t aware.

He remembered once he took her to see his family, his grandmother and two of his uncle's family. Including V’Zaan. His grandmother was distressed by his decision to marry his own choice. She was so focus to V’Linn’s trouble after her bond mate didn’t summoned her at her fourteenth birthday. She thought the boy's family wouldn’t dare to sever the bond, they did it anyway. Hence, when she saw that V’Karr’s intended was a human, a petite dark haired human woman. She immediately lash out in a very typical way of hers. She had compared their relationship to a human marrying monkey, she would then enumerate her observation with which particular monkey that was similar to her. Black hair and small, wild and inferior. 

“Computer, end program.” 

There was no response. He was puzzled, looking at his surroundings once more whether the force field started to quiver or not.

“Computer, locate my position.” There was no response. Confusion and fear as well as soreness filled his body, he waver over the blowing wind. He was displaced, stranded. He looked down the cliff, the mist blocked his view of the cliff bottom. It was more concentrated near the ground. No wonder, he had a heavy breathing. This must be the toxic release of the trees. Down there was a forest, and he couldn’t estimate when the dark sky would rain. Going down was a terrible idea. He reached for his padd in his pocket then remembered all his devices were taken by V’Zaan as he fell into unconsciousness. He found the Identifier, then decided it was not useful at the moment. He climbed up the cliff to get away from the mist. At the mountain top he could see snow. So going higher wasn’t good either. He found shelter near the climbing spot some crooked rock, It was spacious but he didn’t go deeper afraid the toxic air might be trapped inside. That night he hoped for the first time since forever, so it wouldn't rain. 

He was pondering how she wouldn’t cry and stand for herself that day. He was the one who was responsible for the breaking of Surak teaching and throwing wrath to V’Irra. He said, it was too late for V’Irra to intervene in his life, he was a simp to her. How brave he once was. It was a long time ago, when everything seemed possible, that he could go wherever and she would always be with him.


	20. Gone with The Flow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I am in you and I am you. No one can understand this until he has lost his mind." 
> 
> -Rumi

The building was still as marvelous as in the future, she thought. Compared to the region where she came from, it was like heaven and hell. Although both had their own beauty. She still had preferred Risa as her favourite. It seemed her humanity faded as her love for the earth resided. She never really hated something, only she didn’t want to deal with it much longer. Anything that would have happened to her old self would prove it. Risa was warm and welcoming, and earth was just as warm and welcoming, wasn’t it? Especially at home. Perhaps she had needs to be needed. It wasn’t the weather or else, it was because she was loved there. Everyone appreciated her, respected her. She was important, nearly vital to social development on Risa. She sighed at how immensely she missed being there.

She looked up, waiting for instruction from Gary, but nothing, the sky was just as blue as usual, the weather was rather windy, making her hair tangled. The air was pleasant. Oh, she missed earth just as bad. She had worn her jacket on the train when they reached San Francisco. She was sore and tired after the long journey. Waiting at the entrance were the candidates wearing black and white outfits, and she checked herself. Oversized trainers, black flare pants and white satin blouse. She immediately sensed that she was the most underdressed person there. Well, at least the jacket hid her yellowing blouse. She got in the line, wondering why she should enroll for Starfleet academy. Yes there must be a reason for her dressing like this. She looked up once again.

Her mind wandered, the first time she was standing in front of this building she was broke and hungry. With all the chaos happening just outside of the atmosphere, there were so many people. Apparently, they were all broke and hungry as well because of the war. She was the fortunate one, as she was short and usually wouldn’t pass any screening test. She was screaming, I am a lawyer, then hands were on her, pulling her out of the crowds. Strange, she thought that time. Many people were screaming about their educational degrees, there were engineers, accountants, even doctors.

Now she was older and wiser, she knew. After the war ended, they would need more people to rebuild the world. And she wasn’t one of them. People like her were there to die. As a martyr or else. She would be in one of the news, as a number, among others, whose lives had been robbed by their unfortunate fate. Protecting someone’s honor, for the greater good. Oh, she wasn’t always this bitter though. Just as people said, she was being logical. Logical, huh.

“Miss, hair up, please !” She was on the edge of crying. Her hair was a mess, after this she would cut it short, maybe pixie style. It drew attention and she didn’t love it. After some struggling with her hair and her backpack, she succeeded in making it into a bun. Others were dripping in sweat, but she was still comfortable in her jacket. She felt nothing, but her sore legs. Then several hours later she came to the screening gate. It was midday, the day was at its hottest. She could feel the exhaustion, like her system messed up, and began overheating. Why would she think of that, she knew none of that. The jacket was still on, she was wrestling with herself, fighting over a yellow jacket or a yellowing shirt.

“You will confirm your data when I read it. Mary Adelaide Lodner, born 13th of March 2263. Selected major : Warp Engineering or Chemical Synthesis Engineering, minor : Command or Technical. Disability : Speech impaired.”

She nearly nodded to the officer, but confused. She had no speech impaired. Hatred speech maybe. Her head was pounding hard, as if there was someone drumming in it. 

“But, I- And she was already on the ground. Fainted.

“Get the medics !”

“Her biology is clear, we could beam her to the clinics right away.”

“Energize.”

**Present Day on Threxxa**

Xena exited her quarters, she became aware of the lack of people in the hallway. The changing of power between Babrik and Chief Miners was inevitable, Babrik however was Chang’s assistant, sort of his private human-lap-dong, even though Chang always appeared pissed-off by his existence alone, but still, Babrik was undoubtedly his most loyal servant. She was a miner herself, but as a junior it wasn’t her place to criticise the chief, as Abbe gone with Chang and Nora admitted to the dungeon next to Alex Murray and So'rhn.

She had been thinking that maybe the imprisonment of Sohrn had something to do with the uprising, as Miners once again she wasn’t allowed to speak to any guard members. It was hard work trying to avoid any eye contact with people she met down the tunnel. She was quite a sociable person, her energy had drained when she reached the Mine sector, there was no need to go to NC, just added pain in her heart realizing how empty her life had become. especially, looking at Nilua’s hollow eyes, while she made other men in the whole room feel the same. 

That morning, she tended to her spot as usual, everyone seemed adequately healthy as always. They are all busy minding their own duties. She was copying a program for the new shuttle which needed much attention and precision, when suddenly there was a blast from the main entrance. The small portion of metals on the wall broke revealing the dark soil, the Mine sector was basically a bunker, if something bad happened to the colony this facility will be the last standing to protect them. There was loud noise by then, Xena had long forgotten her codes and duties, she with several miners hid below the air filter and water pipes. Then the flash of light of the phaser started to illuminate her sight. Don’t freak out, she told herself. She heard screams and cried. Her station was broken in pieces, she was grateful she didn't go under it or she would’ve gotten bloodbath. But, she was trembling. Suddenly the person next to her was screaming out loud, and she shut her eyes tight, waiting for her turn. But nothing happened, so she widened her eyes and ears, her heart was on her throat. Eyes blurred, and fingers cold. She ran to the supervisors station to press the alarm, she guessed Fatimah was dead, that's why the alarm wasn’t on yet.

That morning, she didn’t visit Nora yet, that would make her worried. She hadn’t visited So’rhn even once in her cells. She hadn’t experienced being a mother, besides her new combat boots were just partially replicated. She needed to see her babies first. 

She ran to the nearest desk that could hide her body, she was so grateful that day, she wore her rubber boots, it barely made any noise. Maybe she felt quite sad that day, she didn’t even know. Usually she would be underdressed if got a bad mood. Today she was just plainly dressed, long sweater and uniform pants, she had her hair in a high bun. She missed Zora. She even mismatched her sweater and her boots. If she was going to die, she would wear her most scandalous pieces. She hadn't time to change her outfit of course, better not die today, she thought.

She crawled to the next hiding spot, her hand ran around below the desk, usually some miners got something sharp or explosive. but she wouldn’t have the balls to drop the bomb. so better, forget about that. She remembered how painful it was to be skinned alive, the burning sensation of the balm and how red it was. 

Besides, she hadn’t visited Zora’s tomb since she had been buried. Just like when she hid under the bed when she was a child she wanted her to come to her and pull her out. She wanted to say goodbye. With that motivation only she dragged her boots to the displayed robot armor near the wall, away from the alarm bell she had intended before. Shivers ran down her back when she backed away and got out of her hiding place, running towards the steel breastplate ahead. Some of the guard saw her and she ran faster until she felt her limb fall off. But, of course she was being too much. 

The next thing she was under the massive amount of soil, but somehow her mouth wasn't covered by the dust, because heavy metal was on her chest, the edge was quite blunt but it was painful beyond measure. She had detonated the armor weaponry. How fast that was, she wondered. She guessed the next thing she would die. She wanted to look at the sky or the tunnel interior for the last time. But above her were the remnants of the cave threatening to collapse on her. Oh, fall away you silly rock. The pain in her chest overwhelmed her, she could barely breathe, and she could feel her legs. Oh, guess she never knew how her new boots would feel like, if she survived. She remembered Zora again. _I did it, Zo_. Her heart said. _I am not a coward._ She added with eyes immediately blurred. _I guess no farewell for you_. And she laugh mentaly. Because she would go with her, anywhere she was.

Spots began to form in her sight, and she gave up seeing. She faint, unable to hear the screaming around her. Blood coming out of her ears. At least less people were vaporized. Better buried somewhere rather than vanished in the air. Because, it was too fast. 

***

V'Karr's ultrasensitive ears heard a loud explosion coming far below him. The sky was brighter, he assumed it was morning. How strange, because, morning on Vulcan was a lot brighter than this. This looked like dawn on earth, when some part of the sky was still dark and the other was starting to change color. 

His back ache, for sleep in sitting position. The left side of his robe was soaked in water. And he realized how cold it was upon looking his palm and fingertips were green. He couldn't feel anything when he touched the rocks. Somehow he knew not much longer his finger would go purple and fall off.

He went outside, walked down the hill. Above him was the great cliff with snow on top. Certainly he would never go there for any reason. So, he went down and down until the sky was pink and he could see the red sun hanging on his head. The temperature became higher by several degrees. And his palm inside his robe felt the cold for the first time. He had warmed them inside his robe by putting them on his stomach skin. Apparently his body was hot compared to the outside temperature. Soon he would need to eat. But for now, he needed some help to contact his ship, maybe they didn't know they had sent them down. But there were also more cynical reasons he had made about the incident. He tried to stay positive and thought it was his time controlling him. 

He could see the stranded ship, but he was high up on the hill. There was a river nearby, he could hear the waterfall. Maybe travelling on the water would be more efficient. So he went to the waterfall. When he got there, he was stunned by how great it was. It was beautiful, the water was strangely yellow and red couldn't unite together. Swirling colorfully in the pool below. He went closer, drops of water touched his skin. But he hadn't felt the coolness of water, it was warm. The next thing his face burned. The water was acidic. He thought in horror. He backed away, wiped his face with his robe tenderly. Afraid any dragging would peel his skin off. He checked his left side robe again, if the water was acidic how would the rain water be. But upon touching green fingers on it he felt nothing, just usual wet fabric. So there must be a larger water source that wasn't acidic.

He strode down the hill faster than before. Climbing down the steep cliff rather than circumvent and taking more time. His hand could grab rock and trees for a hold. And when he jumped down on the last rock he was deep in the forest, blue, bluer than Moon Andoria. Compared to this andoria would be classified as white. Bluer than the deepest ocean on earth, he remembered Mariana trench faintly back when he was on the shipdock. Awaiting his crew to hop on his ship. He missed those days, when he would worry about pon farr and death. Now as he grew older and more temperamental, although only on special occasions, he felt as if he could die hundred times over. But he still had something to do, hadn't he ? This red matter accident especially. He needed to prove himself to V'Irra, to all of Vulcans.

When he thought about home he reached for V'Linn. He scarcely commemorated how unpleasant that was. But, as he was walking deeper into the woods. His mind reached her.

"Bondmate ?" she asked, he missed her voice, but he had this disgust with himself whenever he acknowledged his longing on her.

"It is unusual for you to appear." he was in the desert in his grandmother's backyard. Summer had come in Sukkunel'kahr. 

"This one was informed that one's condition worsened." he admitted that she was polite, the most polite woman he would ever encounter. She was behind him in the desert, but he wouldn't turn to her.

"V'Zaan…" He sighed, nearly appeared expressive.

"One needs to come home earlier." He actually liked the quality of her voice, there was something soaked in it. Rather than the dry winds, breathy voices he used to adore. He almost moaned approval. He must have gone mad.

"V'Linn, this one needs to retreat. I appreciate your effort for this landscape. Your mind is impeccable." He said, fighting urges to turn back and faced her.

"Tell me yours." she said, he thought for a while. Did she ask him to claim her or did she ask him to display where he was. Then it was the latter he chose because he couldn't trust his senses.

"It must be beautiful out there, last night I was dreaming about windows with lightning beyond. Was that from you, husband ?" His heart ache, just as much as she was entitled to call him her husband. It was painful to remember the trauma inflicted upon him when he bonded with her. Not technically, nor it was hurting his mind. More mentally, emotionally. And he was ashamed, V'Linn had access to everything in his head right now.

"I am insensitive, apologize." her voice changed in tone. Ended in lower not, remarking her sadness. His family members were quite fond of hypnotic speech after all. He was affected by that.

He turned around to see her.

"It is unnecessary… wife." She was wearing a lilac robe that flowed down her slender body like water flowed down the vase on a rainy day. Stuck to her skin in a delicate way, his head dizzy for the immediate changing route of his bloodstream. It flowed downward. He shifted his eyes from her body to her face. She had an intricate hairdo and strands of ribbons, a tone darker from her hair colour, which was red, dancing cheerfully with the wind.

"Come home, my dear." His eyes snapped open.

"Pardon?" he asked in a confused tone he had never done before. Somehow, had a lingering feeling he was daydreaming instead of communicating.

"It is time to move forward, we both have grown old. Grandmother is weaker day by day. This one thinks it is best for us to share affection for a greater good." She said, eyes cast down the sand. He could hardly see her eyes, he used to seek honesty from one's eyes. But the icy orbs were well-hidden below her blonde lashes. Her lips quirked up, a vulcan smile he thought.

"I am well-aware of my grandmother's health. But I am in a difficult situation now." He said. Wanting to throw himself at her. To cry, to hug, or whatever his body would lead him. It was difficult to concentrate while he was on alert mode. But with a hopeful soul, he managed to display his surroundings to her.

"I am stranded as well, my wife." he said. She took his breath away by appearing so lovely in this environment. Lilac and blue.

"That is most unfortunate, I will inform the ministry-" She lost her words, eyes looking around wildly.

"But, where are you, husband ?"

"I am lost." His hand twitched, wanting to bring her closer. He stared at the heavy wedding necklace on her chest, trying really hard not to roam around her like a madman. 

For the first time he learned that he wanted to impress her. 


	21. False Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Do you think Adelaide's a creep ?  
> I feel so bad for making this dark.  
> Hope you enjoy.

**Starfleet Medical Academy**

Zora jolted awake. Her heart beating faster, she remembered walking on a desert, the sun burned her exposed skin, but strangely the sand was just warm, while she was chasing the sight of water the wind threw her inside a storm. She felt the sands entering her nose, eyes. She gagged, even more sand went inside her. The pain was so overwhelming she immediately went to denial mode. That it was just a dream, and indeed it was a dream.

She inhaled the sharp smell of the hospital heartily. Rub the side of her face on the nice pillow supporting her messed-up head.

"Miss Lodner."

How greatly she missed him. Gary. She expected he would stand there holding his fedora nervously, only his lips would form the most confident thing she only dared to dream.

_Jett?_

She couldn't believe her own eyes.

_Good god, is that you Jett?_

"Dang, I was so worried when I saw you crawling like a thief that night. You know, my nana and all. Then I recognized your most unfascinating fashion sense and… took my time to pack then… tailing you like a creep."

_What happened to me?_

"I don't know, you see, docs said you got tachycardia, I don't care what's that. Although, I agree that you're a bit tacky. I mean like a lot."

She's mixed between confused and happy.

_Oh, Jett. I tried too hard using the magic device._

"Transporter. You always call them magic, oh you muggles."

_Yes, transporter. I think I got sick because of that._

"That is inaccurate, the device is completely harmless. I mean, you must be kidding me, starfleet always makes sure their technology is in prime condition."

_Are we even talking about the same thing, Jett ? Starfleet my ass, I don't even go to the train station. I'm damned._

She felt so liberated after cursing, like the old times she thought. Jett seemed confused, she wished to look into his eyes but maybe that would be too much.

"Yes. We talk about the transporter that beamed you to the polyclinic. However, you are now inside Starfleet Medical Academy because of several symptoms that indicate you are not fully human."

 _Don't pull another prank, buddy._ She sighed when laughing was hurtful.

"In fact I'm not. So, please do not reject the summoning and wake up."

_What summoning ?_

She heard nothing tough, clearly Jett was always unexpected.

"You are a curious individual, Lodner." He sounded humming before calling her surname.

_We've talked about this, okay. Calling out parents' names is disrespectful._

"I- It is because I am unsure whether you are married or not." He seemed lost. She was offended by that.

_Jett, what the- Okay, it's alright._

"Please listen carefully, this is the music from the new era. The summoning. Your brain seems to recognize the melody, the medical teams have used it to 'revive' you, as they said. But, here I am communicating with you in a most impossible way. My point is, get your ass out of there."

_From where?_

She didn't want to take his joke too seriously. And she was feeling quite paralyzed.

"I must retreat now. Your delta wave is weaker than mine. Anyway, I wish to have a conversation with you. When you are awake of course, it is not about something you don't know I believe."

_Wait, you're not him. Who are you?_

"Obviously. You can not talk and I can hear you."

What's wrong with her? She thought she could talk again for a moment.

Jett was gone. She was all alone again. She hoped this was just another dream sequence and when she woke up Gary would be there, saying she was an orphan instead of a girl with a complete family and a jerk brother.

But that is the most painful of all, false hope is the most cruel thing people could give.

She waited until the room got dimmer from the sunlight, and the automatic lamp lit itself. She could feel the sand in her throat or was she just hallucinating. She could replay it all over again if she were closing her eyes.

And she heard it, the faint melody of a wailing woman. She was good however, it's like ripping her heart into two pieces. She kinda remembered hearing it somewhere. She dug her memory, letting the woman fill her room with her sad song.

"She is recovering." Her pointy ears caught the faint sound of the patient first, he beamed happily but enough not to make any crease on her face.

"Good job, Ensign." The smile of the superior was the most beautiful thing she saw in days.

"Thank you, Sir. I hope you might reconsider my internship proposal."

"I will. I don't know if she's not a full human. It's true, don't judge a book by its cover." It means he wanted an explanation.

"I can explain it to you, Commander. My observation technique might be useful in a new world, with more sentient have crossbred, their hybrid could have various biological differences, they might have both advantages and disadvantages from their parents. This could be one of the greatest discoveries of science." This is her happy mood, he thought. She usually was not much of a chatter. Good for her, it was rare seeing such a happy vulcan. After her superior had gone, she approached her peers.

"She needs to be rehydrated, the brain wave is lowering, but in time if there was an increase of the delta wave you must contact me immediately." said her to one of the female human.

"Remember the ultrasound needs to be played all the time before her eyes move, that time she would've entered the REM cycle of a regular human." She was rather stern for the male cadet, looking at his freshly pulled uniform and blinding pin.

The last one was different. His pin was off ages ago.

"Thank you for your help."

She was looking at him up and down, as usual neat uniform, her mind wondering of how his muscles would look, highly inappropriate.

To be honest she was still upset with him. She didn't know that marriage would be so hurtful, she still experienced what humans called PTSD for a particular part of the ceremony.

He nodded, she knew his mind, she also wanted to go out from here.

"Anytime," he almost portrayed the emptiness of his feelings. He was paler than before, with the same concerning eyes, one that always seemed suspicious towards others but her.

He was glaring at the patient. Exhausted by the human thought, both horrified and confused. The feeling he had not experienced since his first awakening.

She was a devoted doctor.

"Are you all right, V'Karr?"

"You have asked me that."

"What is the answer ?"

"Not sure. Humans are such curious creature."

"What does she think to make you "feel" intrigued?"

They strode out to the hallway, but he felt as if leaving something there.

"Maybe I need more meditation."

***

Jett was right. Her head throbbing, she wanted to choke the wailing woman to death. The same tightness in her neck area was more pronounced as she regained consciousness.

There was a silhouette near the window, the moon was low and the golden gate bridge was there as well.

"I'm a newly wedded husband."

"What?" wait, she could talk.

"Why do you have memories of me, do you even know me?"

"Who are you ?" she sounds robotic, clearly not close to her own voice.

"What else do you know, you witch ?"

"Calm yourself, you're heavy." He pinned her down. Strange, cause she didn't even lift a finger to him.

"I don't know you, I swear."

"Liar…" He liked the softness of her forehead against his.

"How do you know the future then ?" He strugled not to let more emotion crashed through their touching skin.

"I don't, please." He liked the way her breath tickled him.

"I already have a bondmate…" He sounded desperate, more like talking to himself so she didn't answer, to fight an alien with more density than our body was absurd, besides she didn't know which part of hers that wasn't limp.

"So ?"

"Do not tempt me, woman."

"I _am_ not."

"Why am I attracted to you ?"

"Are you flirting with me ?"

"What a disgrace to do so."

"Then get off me and talk normally." Kinda sad because she actually liked his whispering voice.

"Stop." He pressed her even deeper.

"What ?"

"Your mind, it's loud." Oh, touch telepaths, of course.

"Yes... "

"You are here after failing the art of a loving husband ?"

"Don't make me imagine things." He rose to his feet, and swayed.

"I was in a coma, I never touched you, not even once. Why do you come to me like a predator and accuse me of whatever-it-was ?"

"What a fine liar."

"Explain, please." Why did she use 'please' that is disgusting.

"You entered-"

"Nope, never remember entering anything."

"When I was inside your mind. You already know me. It was days before she found the weakness of your brain wave, since then you and I… seemed to have… connection… with each other."

"So you romanticized the mind of the first human you meddled with ?"

"I- It seemed you were also romanticizing the first vulcan that is able relating to your feelings."

"I never felt anything, I was in a dream. A nightmare." She saw the pain in his eyes, it was good however. This madman was a handful.

"Ah, is that what you call it ?"

"Yes, I was in a big sandstorm and feeling every sand hitting me." His eyes softened, and she was puzzled by the tall man.

"What?"

"My name means sandstorm. Even my bondmate doesn't know that."

"You are crazy."

"Indeed. My grandmother would agree with that."

"What the hell is wrong with you ?!"

"It seems you need a reminder."

"No. No." He touched her face with his three fingers. Almost feel bad for thinking he would hurt her.

"This is your memory hall." He stood there, wore layered clothes. She could see his face. Almost took her breath away. She used to deny things however. He was an attractive man. But, she liked a hairy man tough, the one with a beard and big muscles, maybe dark skin and beautiful fingers.

"A memory lane."

"Your mind had built these memories worth of decades, that is not possible a person in your age could build these very broad timelines. That is why you are more fragile than other humans. I am afraid to inform the truth of your state of mind to T'Elvin. She would perform an experimentation after seeing this."

"Why is it so special then? I've heard some race has the ability to preserve memories better than this." In each place there was a man resembling him.

"This is really in my brain right?" She asked again, maybe he lied and had taken her to his instead.

"Humans are incapable of penetrating Vulcans memory hall, do not be suspicious towards me, it is I who should be afraid of your creepy behaviour."

"Hey, I never-" He stopped at the rawest holo she had, containing his naked body.

"Fine. But, I know nothing about it. I swear to god."

"You don't believe in god."

"That's true."

"About why it is important, I will explain it to you. When I stumble in here after looking for your consciousness. You see, Vulcans usually found the astrayed Katra right where you are standing now. Yours however as to many humans, is still unknown to my kin. So, I need to search you in your own mind. This far, I found that most of your memories are related to me. Or someone like me if you will. Then, I checked one of your memories." He stepped in front of a holo of bedroom, there were two people snogging on the bed.

"You think that's you and me ?"

"No, it's me and my wife. T'Elvin."

"What ?"

"Indeed, why would you have the most-" He let out his hand and he disappeared. She did the same. She was in another room, the room that the holo had shown before.

"Hello ?"

"Quiet , or my wife and I will hear you."

"Why do I keep this ?" She asked

"I said, they will hear you." They went silent for a moment, the room was full with the nastiest sound she ever heard. Apparently they had been hiding behind the sofa. He was thinking hard, and so was she.

"Listen to this."

_Ashvel, I love you._

And the room faded, she was sitting down in the memory hall again. He was right in front of her, his eyes glowering with anger and maybe sadness.

"I don't understand. Why would I stalk you? I don't feel like myself." She stood. And he stayed still.

"Please, retreat from my mind.'' She was disappointed with herself, failing to know why a teenanger kept the filthiest memory about someone else.

"Not only your memories are accessible, but also we could manipulate any subject and object inside it." She was genuinely concerned about him, wasn't he supposed to be afraid of her?

"Your point?"

"Time travelling is a big obstacle both human and vulcan or even the whole federation member would face. In the future you can be the deadliest weapon or the fastest ship."

"Are you not afraid my whole memories are all about you?"

"I've trained to be mentally prepared for any challenge."

"So, the thing before was you trying to manipulate me so you can get better observation of my mind ?"

"I do not wish to insult you but I hope you can understand the meaning of you for the brighter future."

"You still love your wife then." she sounded sad. What's with that, of course he loves his wife don't you get why he brought you to certain memories.

"I am."

"Great." She faked a smile, he bowed his head in a strange way. Look, he was kinda freaky.

"It's really great you know, keep loving your wife. I don't wanna be a homewrecker."

"Apologies for causing you such distress." He seemed capable of reading people's minds. Wait, he is in her mind right now.

"Please go."

"Last question, do you know my grandmother well?"

"What, no."

"Ah, thank you so much, Miss Lodner." And he was gone. She was on the bed again. He had already put a distance between them.

"I think I made myself clear, I wish to hear your answer towards my proposal by tomorrow evening. Think about what you could do for the better world, Mary." He talked in a very low whispering tone. Hoping another vulcan ear wouldn't hear it.

Was the moon always that beautiful? She almost cried. The bridge and the water, curious how far she could go without drowning.

"The speaking device is yours." He said, she touched her neck. Wondering if it was the circlet around her neck making her look like a dog to him.

"Great act, Mr. Sandstorm." She ripped off the device from her neck.

What was that, was she trying to make poetry over a married man ? Like he said, romantisizing the first man who fake flirt with her.

Nonetheless, she was disappointed with the expectation she made for herself.


	22. The Other Sides

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Most things have two sides.

Back in their apartment, V'Karr was meditating. Deep in his mind, having conversation with himself. Observing every little change he could find. There was nothing wrong about him, maybe it was because of his time's aftermath. They made love just after he got home. He burned.

He wasn't sure whether the girl's mind was only full about him because he was there, or it was a big database of other people's memories as well. He was eager to prove his hypothesis, but the only Vulcan he trusted was T'Elvin. Didn't need Vulcan logic to know how it would end if she knew. The one thing for sure, the time was indeed an illusion in her mind.

"Tea ?"

"Do you want some tea?"

He opened his eyes, she had just showered. He gazed into her eyes that were as green as blood. He sighed. 

"Yes, dear."

"What's bothering you?" 

He was trying to form a logical explanation without lying. He never lied.

"I believe I cannot tell you."

"About work ?"

"Yes."

"You can share with me if you want."

"That would be unnecessary." 

She blinked then, struggling to walk to their bed.

"I should be the one making us tea."

"Oh, V'Karr. It is all right."

"Apologies, my dear. I never wish to hurt you." Her eyes smiled, the softness of her face drew him closer.

"It is not that hurtful."

"Still you are walking abnormally, I don't think we should have intercourse again for a while." She put down her glass. Holding up her two fingers to him.

"I think you misjudge me, please."

"It's not good for us to touch yet." He stood up and gulped down his tea nervously.

"In human language, you're being cute."

Oh, please don't.

"Indeed?" It was rhetoric, he had a well-guarded mind and why would he be afraid of some reminder.

He helped T'Elvin retire for the night and preoccupied himself with watching holo in their living room.

Documentaries about men suffrage on vulcan. This content must be despised by many head of clans. They would say Vulcan biology was a confidential matter, but when it comes to vulcaness biology they would always be glorified. This part was the darker side of him that no one knew except his beloved grandmother, sometimes he was afraid people would judge him as a sexist, so he would keep his thoughts to himself. Being on earth was actually empowering him. If only his grandmother was not sexist, he would be capable of love.

But, she was the one that made him live until now. Making him unite with T'Elvin. She was the closest thing that was equal to love for him, or emotion in general. Remembering how her green eyes were the first thing he looked after his fever subdued. She was the closest thing of heaven that he could imagine. Or maybe his grandmother had cut his imagination function as well.

After hearing a persuasive monologue he would write, so he sat on his chair, opened the padd case and gripped the stylus in one hand. But he stayed still instead, mind wondering what would happen to him in the future. Maybe she was just a dissimulator, a device that was used to trap the enemy. He had designed plenty of them, he was on tactical anyway. Usually they were hyper-realistic holo, that had sensors to catch intruders by mimicking medical staff or for an advanced program, someone they knew.

But, a holo with full human biology and a mind to meld with, hardly this century technology. Maybe she came from the future. Travelling back in time was almost impossible, it would be easier travelling to another universe. Besides, she also had symptoms of someone who suffered from Dissociative Identity Disorder. He had begun writing on his padd. Knuckles white for holding the pen too tight. His brows were knitted together. Checking his internal time sensor repeatedly, seemed to be lost as to how many hours he had spent criss-crossing his legs on the chair seeking comfort. As if time was only an illusion. 

The light was creeping through the windows when he sat back on his chair, contemplating his work. He could hear T'Elvin roused from her sleep.

He gazed at his padd like he found a new world. He drew her. Her complete anatomy. With bare bosom and detailed dip here and there. Her long black hair with soft curls on the end reached to her waist. Although his drawing wasn't complete, there were parts he didn't yet observe. By Surak, why would he observe her body?

But the face and expression were accurate to the point it was like one of realism paintings in his grandmother's house. Older than Surak himself.

"Darling ?" T'Elvin's head appeared on his desk. 

"Yes, my dear ?" He locked his padd, reminding himself to add more security programs later.

"I'm replicating some food, what do you want ?"

"Biscuit and tea would be excellent."

"Kreila ?"

"No, the butter cookies one."

He walked to the bathroom to take a quick sonic shower. For the first time feeling thrilled.

But, that morning he had more motivation to go to his office. Remembering he would pick T'Elvin up in the afternoon.

***

Zora was unable to sleep, she stayed awake until the sun creep onto her bed. Then the warmth sent her to dreamland. Because she wasn't really resting even though her body got plenty. She was walking along the ocean-side. The sand was similar to the desert but it was packed with water, she made footprints all over it already.

"Enjoying yourself?" She said, but it was involuntary.

_ Yes. Who are you? _

"You don't supposed to exposed yourself so blatantly like that."

_ Why? _

"Because you will mess up the timelines."

_ It's my own timelines, isn't it ? _

"No. It's not." She sounded irritated

_ Then whose life is this? _

"The great Mary Adelaide Lodner." with the mocking quality beyond expectation.

_ I am Mary Adelaide Lodner. _

"Lying to yourself?" This one sounded like the first one.

_ I'm only sixteen. _

"Honestly, tough. Do you really think you are sixteen?" The bitter one came back.

_ No, I feel much older. _

"How much older are you?" still the same mocking tone.

_ Twenty? Maybe hundreds of years _ .

"You know why was Adelaide important?" This one sounded more serious and old.

_ She was a famous lawyer, I was told. _

"Ask Papa, I was told she made a mistake. Humans. They were prohibited to eat certain fruit, yet I bet it was the best fruit they'd ever tasted." It was so busy and crowded inside her head, she was unaware of her surrounding.

_ Are you telling me about Adam and Eve's story? _

"Who else are you thinking about ?"

_ There are plenty of versions similar to that story. An Orion one, the Romulan version is more engaging. _

"You are human."

_ I am. You know that most stories have function, are you? Why are you telling me this? _

"For god sake, just believe me. Many versions of you never failed until Adelaide came."

_ What did she do? _

"She believed in others." she spoke in a hurry.

_ I am lost, please. _

"Just like you say, reality is about who holds more powers. In short, she was being used by others to gain their favor." The old one answered.

_ And the others killed her? _

"No, she needed to be eliminated." 

_ You're confusing me. _

"You are the tree of the forbidden fruit." She sounded like different person, different from the first or the latest. different from the old or the hurried one.

_ Like I'm the deadliest weapon or the fastest ship? _

"Indeed." This one sounded aloof.

_ You people never stop objectifying me. _

"Is it hurtful to be treated like a precious jewel?"

_ You know what? It is. I am my own person, I don't need protection, I'm capable of protecting myself. Back in the days, I'm the fastest runner and I knew Klingon martial arts. _

"Good. Now you know your worth and remember your own memories." This one sounded dreamy, speaking in a slow tempo.

_ Who are you? _

"I'm Adelaide."

_ Get out of my head. _

"I can't, just like I stuck with Sarah, you cannot get rid of me now."

_ Who's Sarah? _

"The one with the same physical in different times."

_ You were her clone? _

"As so are you."

_ Why did they clone us then? _

"You must seek the answer yourself, that gives you purpose in live. Last time, I had been assisted by a man, he said I messed things up and by the end of the day I was already dead."

_ It’s not your fault- _

“It is. There is no need to entertain me.”

_ I’m sorry. _

“Oh, my sadness is yours too. I am sorry.”

_ No. I’m sorry. _

“Believe me, I am sorry to you. There will be a problem with your existence. There are certain people you need to avoid. But, since we are in the past and most people don't recognize me it will be alright.”

The water surged, wet her trouser.

“I love the ocean.”

_ From what I heard,. you almost loved everything. _

“Oh, no. You can access my memories. I was just a human who was always torn into two sides.”

_ Most things have two sides _ .

“Like the moon and orchids.”

_ They’re both beautiful. _

“Agreed.” 

_ I thought you were intimidating, but you turned out to be the easiest person to talk to. _

“I was scared when Sarah appeared in my dreams. But, then it was like talking with myself.”

_ True. You’re like the more feminine version of me. which is equal to terrifying. _

"I liked an aesthetic more than the other."

_ You're like something I wouldn't be. _

"Maybe you could, you know, you have 'potential' in you."

_ Hey, I like that. Many alternate versions of me. I can do whatever I want to be. _

"The best version of you." the bitter one had spoken.

_ You were successful, weren't you? Is there anything you regret in life? _

"I built the wrong home at the wrong place." This one’s Adelaide for sure

_ That sucks. _

"It still is. I couldn't go home."

_ What else? _

"Time is just a fence of the universe."

_ Huh. _

"Cringe ?"

_ Kinda. _

"You will be drowning. Watch out!" Adelaide had gone, the aloof one spoke.

She was away from the shore, the waves hitting her chest, her feet hardly touching the ground.

_ Shit. _

**Author's Note:**

> Well, English is not my Mothertongue so I'm sorry if y'all found a messed up grammar or something. I tried my best.  
> I was also avoiding certain ordinary trope, like Mary sue/Gary stu, ultimate villain, but I realized that my story might be very ordinary, just popped up in my mind. And I got inspired by sun_day work, it's suspense is amazing just check that out !


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